I go to a small, private school in Southern California, about 30 minutes from home. I felt like I was guilt tripped into coming to this university by my parents, but I thought to make the best of it. I hyped myself up and convinced myself that this school was good and I was going to like it. I had been accepted to 19 other universities including a prestigious university. However, I made my way here. The first few weeks I was miserable. However, I came to this site and found a lot of other freshmen with the same problem and people telling them to stop whining and they had barely entered. So, I convinced myself I was just not used to this and that I just needed to settle in.
However, the semester is over next week. I hate this school so much. I have only enjoyed 1 professor this whole semester and I absolutely hate 2 of them. This school is in the middle of nowhere. I can not go anywhere to eat. For a very expensive school, we can only eat cafeteria food. It is fine for the most part. We have the scheduled dinner and lunch, but if you don’t like it, there is a grill with burgers and hot dogs or a make your own sandwich station. The lunch plan comes with the dorming, so you don’t pay extra for the food. However, the social scene is non-existent. I have social anxiety, and this school is fine for studying all day or watching Netflix all day. This only feeds into my social anxiety as I am not pushed out of my comfort zone at all here.
There is NO greek life. There are clubs, but you never even hear about them or know how to join them. There are events, but no one shows up so I usually end up leaving an hour into them. I go home every weekend, a long with everyone else, because there is nothing to do here. The only people who stay are the ones who can’t make it home every single weekend (students from out-of-state or Northern California) and that is only a handful of them. My political views are centrist with a very slight lean towards the left. I see points in both what conservatives and liberals have to say. However, this school is overwhelmingly leftist. I am an anti-feminist. Not because I am against women’s rights. I am pro-equality, but I don’t follow feminist beliefs. This school is overwhelmingly feminist. One professor never misses the chance to tell us we NEED to be feminists. I hate that.
The school is too expensive and I can not afford to pay it and it isn’t even worth paying the tuition for a school that I hate with a burning passion. The only thing I like about this school is it’s size and the beautiful campus. But that is all. I want to transfer out into a community college and then go to a CSU. I just turned 18 a week ago and I feel like this is not the place for me. I want to challenge myself and put myself out there. I want to find who I am. This school isn’t doing that at all. I want to surround myself with people who have different beliefs. I want to surround myself with people all over the political spectrum who benefit and challenge my views in a good way, not people who criticize them or start to insult them because they don’t perfectly align with theirs. I am someone who loves to learn, but I find myself miserable here. I feel myself falling deeper into depression. Sometimes, I actually think about killing myself but the only thing that keeps me from doing that is thinking that I have loans to pay off and I don’t want my parents paying those. I am not even exaggerating.
However, my anxiety prevents from telling my parents. I know my dad wants what is best for me and doesn’t want me falling back into depression, but I am terrified of telling him I want to transfer out. I am absolutely petrified, even though I know it is stupid. Should I just stay in this school until I graduate? Should I just wait out and finish this year? Is there even a slight chance I just need to get used to this environment? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO.
Honestly your best bet is to talk to your parents and tell them. I have a 20 year old son and if he was that unhappy with all aspects of the college he enrolled in I would want him to tell me so we could think of a solution. Now is the perfect time to have the discussion and save you and your parents both a lot of money and not return for spring semester. There are a lot of people that you can talk to. Start with your parents and you might also want to talk to a psychologist/doctor about your feelings of depression. Good luck to you
Talk to your parents about it even if you are nervous as it is their approval and money that will allow for the change you want or continue at your current school, tough it out, and make the best of it. Those are your two choices.
I don’t like my university too (plus my course / major), so it’s also hard in my situation, so I also understand you! I don’t like feminists either because there are girls that can be annoying or loud, and I’m happy to see someone like me! With regards to your situation, I suggest taking a break for a year or two and go back to college & try to finish your degree when you are 100% ready… I wish your parents allow you though since my parents don’t allow me unfortunately… They don’t understand me introversion, anxiety / depression and it’s hard that most of the students in my college are loud extroverts! If nothing happens, try changing / transferring schools that is better than your current school… Good luck! College is really stressful and hard! :[
You need to see a therapist, counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist immediately. I suspect your issue isn’t your school but your untreated depression. Tell your parents pretty much what you have said here. No parent is going to ignore threats of suicide.
You are pretty vocal for someone who is anxious and can’t talk to his parents. I seriously cannot believe you chose this school over all the others. But what’s done is done. You have to bite the bullet and tell your parents. Be stronger than your fears. If you don’t tell them immediately, I see things spiraling down for you, and you really can’t allow that to happen. You are holding the power to change things. Use your power.
This post is so full of anger that I cannot believe you managed to stay for a semester. Be honest, can you actually imagine staying for three and half more years? In your shoes, I would probably write them a letter, if you feel you can’t face telling them. Write it today, put it in the mail, or leave it on the table so they can read it when you arent there. Then have an adult discussion about your options.
As far as hating professors, I will be blunt. If you hate the profs now, don’t expect that another school is magically going to have great profs you will love. You just have to deal with professors. They are there to educate you, not be your friend. I remember ONE professor from college. He was the hardest professor I ever had. He wasn’t a jerk, but he made you work for the grade. I really learned from that prof. That’s all that matters. The professors’ political opinions are theirs, not yours. They can say pretty much what they like, and it doesn’t matter if you like it or not. If you are that concerned, use Rate My Professor before choosing classes next time.
Meanwhile, you must seek help for your depression. Don’t delay. Tell your parents you feel that you might hurt yourself and ask them to get you an appointment with someone. Or visit your campus counseling center and ask for the soonest appointment. If it’s weeks away, seek outside help. Good luck.