<p>"While I agree with this, I seem to find these people everywhere. And then I cut myself off from them. I just hate that I find myself constantly pushing people away because I find out they're the type of person to try to make me feel like less of a person because of money."</p>
<p>I continue to suggest counseling. There's a good chance that your unresolved feelings over your father's death are causing you to look at your college experience in such a negative way.</p>
<p>What comes across in your posts is an anger/envy at students who are fortunate enough to get everything they need from their parents. What has not been expressed in your posts in this thread is any appreciation for the extraordinary opportunity U Penn has given you by admitting you and by giving you manageable (albeit with difficulty) financial aid even though from what you've posted before, they could have given you much less or possibly even nothing due to the fact that your widowed mother has some means, but refuses to give you any financial support for your education.</p>
<p>There's a chance that what the students are reacting to is your envy/anger at them as well as your lack of appreciation for being at U Penn. If you are, for instance, complaining about being at Penn., and saying that things would have been better if you'd gone to Penn State., your acquaintances -- who more than likely love Penn -- may react by stating that since you have such negative feelings toward Penn, you'd be better off at a less competitive institution.</p>
<p>I say all of this as a person who has been giving you support on CC for years. I also am someone who went to Harvard on scholarship and loans because my father, a dentist, said he had no money to help with my college.</p>
<p>I will forever be grateful that Harvard gave me some scholarship money and loans even though on paper I didn't deserve those things. I worked up to 30 hours a week during the school year, and up to 60 hours a week summers. Meanwhile, I had some college friends who were doing things like having European vacations during vacations and breaks.</p>
<p>As a small town girl who was in a big city, sophisticated college, I was often uncomfortable at Harvard because I was being exposed to situations and people who were far more sophisticated than I was. Sometimes, I even wished that I had gone to a less competitive college where, I thought, I would have been surrounded by more people like me (I've since learned that the low ranked college that I used to wish that I had gone to had lots of sophisticated, big city students who would have been far less accepting of me than were my classmates at Harvard).</p>
<p>However, I never resented having to work or take out loans to get to attend my dream school. The lessons that I learned at Harvard -- particularly from my more sophisticated peers -- have been lessons that I've used to my advantage for the rest of my life. Even when I was angriest at Harvard (and I was there at the height of the student movement, so I was similar to lots of students all over the country who were angry at their colleges), I still was very grateful for them giving me enough financial aid that I was able to choose to attend it.</p>
<p>So, with some reservation and to my surprise, I find myself agreeing with the students whom you say have said that you don't deserve to be at Penn. If you honestly can't appreciate being able to be at Wharton -- your dream school -- then Penn made a mistake by admitting you and by giving you enough financial aid to attend. If you do not think it has been worth it to work so hard on jobs to be at one of the best universities in the world, then it is too bad that Wharton didn't give your space to someone else. There are people on CC and all over the world who would have rejoiced to have to work jobs to have the opportunity that you have had, and who would have found ways of making friends and taking advantage of the various opportunities Wharton offers.</p>
<p>When I taught college at a 2nd/3rd tier public, I had students who were working up to 30 hours a week during the school year because their parents refused to help with their education. Some students graduated with up to $40 k in loans. Years after their graduation, some of those students are still keeping in touch with me because they are so grateful to have gotten a college education.</p>
<p>You have been given a gift, and what you choose to do with it says a great deal about your character, and how your character will affect the course of the rest of your life. If you can't shake your extreme negativity about your college experience, do get counseling because it's possible that depression/grief are causing you to see only the negative aspects of life instead of your being able to enjoy the fine opportunity that you have.</p>