<p>This is the weirdest online community to which I have belonged. It's a bunch of hyperactive (or the polar opposite) teenagers who engage in a mode of conversation that would definitely make them to be shunned upon if such a discussion ever occurred in real life (given that it's not around Asian parents or kids who are also interested in talking about each other's AP tests and SAT scores and newest acceptance rate from Ivy league). </p>
<p>Anyhow, I have scorned your arrogance and self-conceits from the beginning, yet I realize that I have been unconsciously molded into the prototype of a CC'er (maybe I was one all along, just without manifesting it too openly prior to my transmutation). I enjoyed your "Is my 2400 score a computer glitch" or "is 2300 high enough for [insert college]." I also appreciate the jargons that had been created over the years. Now I know what a SEA or URM is, so I don't feel like an idiot browsing this.</p>
<p>I have enjoyed my high school life, but not that I am content with it. No, there are a lot of miscommunication, lost opportunity, failed what-nots. But I feel like I have grown up, thanks to the momentum of time, as natural as it seems. But strange thing is that when one is feeling down, some people have their texting buddies, mainstream music, or vintage movie to resort to (not that I don't), for me I log on to this forum at the wee-hours in the morning and look at who just got into MIT or Harvard. It's not a masochistic urge, it just seems like this whole sham is something in which I must participate, because life could not go on for many-- sometimes I do not want to make myself inclusive, yet I think I am already-- if they didn't get accepted into schools.</p>
<p>Of course these are just irrational thoughts. Life continues to go on if expectation [A] doesn't occur and goal ** couldn't be achieved. Of course there are [A'] or [B'] you can resort to. </p>
<p>Certainly you can see, this is another process of rationalization to prepare oneself against the pang of rejection. </p>
<p>I think I need to start looking at the actual application process now, as opposed to lurking around "chance me" "chance that" threads. Then compose the so dreaded essay (why? I thought putting words in a contrived syntax was supposed to be fun; apparently telling your life story is not as interesting as capture a brief transient glimpse of the most minute thing you could imagine, that could be on your desk right now or down the block). </p>
<p>I have a lot books to read and class to attend and activities to participate. I don't want to do this. Yet I think it's time. When the acceptance (rejection) letter comes, or before that, or after that, I would still be lurking around here. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>No this is not a rant. This is rather a discourse without a resolution. I believe this feeling is shared by many, if I may be permitted with some insolence. In the end, the congratulations goes out to those who have, in their own views, succeeded. While those who didn't, a trial of your mental health is to come and it may be tough to cope with. But life goes on, until we learn how. </p>
<p>Until then. How do I apply for college? Maybe I should ask my parents when their birthdays really are and how much money they really make.</p>