I have lost track and in a major crisis.

Parents Forum
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<p>Hello parents, I decided to register to the forum since I heard people here give really good advice in just about anything. So thanks in advance if you have the time to read this through! I am from Europe, so forgive me my English, I just found this site accidentally.</p>

<p>I feel like due to my difficult, too sensitive, creative, overly-analytical and introverted personality I have drifted towards a life that I didn't want. I have sailed in college for a long time choosing wrong majors and never being satisfied with anything. My true passion is songwriting and music, but my parents think i HAVE TO finish college and get a real job. I don't get any support for my musical endeavors from home (i have a depressed newly devorced mother, my father has passed away). I have a long classical background in music and I have written songs on my own for a few years, really tried to educate myself with it. I know in my heart that i would have chances making it in a songwriting career if i really worked for it, but I am really depressed and unmotivated because of lack of support and being stuck in college. I don't see myself sitting happily in an office working for somebody else for the rest of my life, I am quite entrepreneurial and like to do my own thing. Yet i like people and i wouldn't want to have an isolated kind of a career either. My major at the moment is history, but I don't want to be a teacher. I am afraid of ending up unemployed with it or getting a job i don't want (with a low salary). But in music, I feel like i could live a full life. I'm already 25 and feel way too old of starting out fresh in a music college :( I am seriously falling to the dark side of life. </p>

<p>But what if my intuition is wrong? If life would be even harder with music?
Is this about my attitude? History is still interesting, I just think it takes up all my time (my university is a competitive one) and there's no time to pursue music. And actually at the moment I feel so depressed that I can't even open up my school books anymore.
Why does my mom make life so much harder for me? I can't live my life for her right?</p>

<p>Any kind of a help would be much appreciated, maybe you know people who've had similar situations and how they solved it! thank you!</p>

2

<p>Keep in mind that the Internet can only give so much advice…but it sure sounds like you’re dealing with depression and need some medical help or counseling. </p>

<p>The major isn’t the problem. Any job is only part of your day, and you have evenings and weekends to pursue songwriting and music. A business major could be useful for a career in business, and working in the music industry could be viewed as an internship towards the pursuit of your own career in music. It’s possible to have a dual major in music and something else, or to minor in music. If you’re worried about getting a job with a low salary, it’s unrealistic to believe that majoring in music will guarantee you a much higher income. </p>

<p>You refer to your parents wanting you to finish college and get a job, as if that’s a problem. Assuming you’re talking about your Mom, that’s natural - especially if you’ve already spent a lot of time in school and graduation wouldn’t be that far away comparatively. Finish the degree. Why not? At 25, your parents’ concerns or support should be less important than the support that you give yourself.</p>

<p>In other words, you listed a lot of issues that wouldn’t be issues or huge dilemmas for someone who is in a positive, healthy place. You mentioned your Mom’s depression and divorce, and the death of your Dad. These are clearly stressful for you too. You mentioned that you’ve never been satisfied with anything and are too sensitive and difficult. Your major changes and sailing in college could be due to a difficulty with facing graduation and facing “real life”… ie, the JOB. In my opinion (not knowing you at all, but feeling sad that you’re struggling), these are all red-flags that you need some help to put your life and life choices in perspective. I suggest that you get some counseling from someone who can really get to know you, so that he or she can help you be the happiest you can be. </p>

<p>Remember, life is about choices but it’s seldom about only one choice. You can carry your music forward with you no matter what else you do.</p>

3

<p>Hello and welcome. It’s possible that this could be posted in the music forum here on CC, where people could help you with whether you should somehow pursue the songwriting.</p>

<p>Before anyone answers at length, can you tell a little more about your situation? How far along are you in college, and are you almost finished a degree in history? What do you mean by songwriting: commercial songs, or classical compositions, or something else? What is your classical background, meaning what instrument, and have you studied theory and music history at all?</p>

<p>If you are only, say, halfway through a history degree, switching to a music major might not be that hard. Knowing a lot of history can be really helpful when studying academic music.</p>

<p>Many people who write music or are otherwise employed in musical endeavors, need a “real job” in the background to support them while they try to get going with a music career. This is not true of orchestral musicians, of course, but for someone who envisions being “entrepreneurial” it might be good to have something reliable to make money in.</p>

<p>If you are writing commercial songs, that means a whole different path than if you are writing classical compositions.</p>

<p>If at all possible, maybe you could take a semester off to write some music, and to look at your options. At the very least, you could find some inspiration in life. You sound a little burned out and depressed, and that may be from all the hard work you have put in towards a goal that does not excite you. Perhaps a break would help you either rethink the goal, or find the energy you have lost, to pursue any goal.</p>

<p>If you have done substantial work in history, and can possible muster the strength to finish, that would be very good. Just having a degree helps you find a job. It does not have to be a job related to history. Once you finish, you can then focus on songwriting in your off time.</p>

<p>If you have only done a year of history, say, then maybe you need to think about changing majors. Studying music in college entails a lot of academic study in history, theory, aural skills, ethnomusicology. Does that interest you? There are songwriting programs in the US, at schools such as Berklee, where you could transfer if you really wanted to. Conservatories tend toward classical composition.</p>

<p>I don’t know what your financial situation is, but if money is an issue, I am sure your mother is just concerned that you be able to support yourself. That said, I have seen so many talented people with parents who do not support their artistic pursuits, for financial reasons. Perhaps there is a counselor or teacher you could talk with about all this. Practicalities are valid worries for your mother, but if music calls to you, I’m sure you can find a way to follow the call.</p>

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<p>I can understand your parent’s desire for you to have a job that pays the bills while you pursue your career in music. Most of the musicians I’ve known have had a “fall back” job as there are always down times between jobs, tours, etc. and the rent does need to be paid! These jobs have ranged from teaching to watchmaking…depending on the degree of involvement/flexibility desired. The point is that you don’t have to give up your songwriting dreams just because you have a degree and a “real job”. If the music is in you, it’s there to stay. Meanwhile, it’s a tough industry and you do have to live while you’re making a name for yourself!</p>

<p>I just saw my neighbor’s son jog by - he’s a gifted musician and plays with a nationally known band. In the past year he’s been on tour, recorded, and done several TV specials. This is his “down time” and he’s learning the art of piano tuning…</p>

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<p>Have you published or recorded any music yet? If so, maybe you should nurture those connections and try to get some honest opinions of your chances. If not, maybe you should carve out some time to work in the music business in any small way you can. Write songs, get bands to perform your music, play your own compositions in small venues such as coffee shops, bars and private or community events. Do you have a website? You could very easily get your music known via the internet. You have to be seen to become successful.</p>

<p>Now can you do that while studying history? I don’t know. It was mentioned that you have your weekends and evenings free. But if you cannot get the work done, I might suggest two things. First, if you are a poor time manager, fix that. Second, if you honestly have so much studying to do, consider taking fewer classes on a part-time basis or just take a semester or two off. </p>

<p>And finally, you are NOT too old to start out in a music college. In fact, you may make some great connections in the right place.</p>

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<p>Thank you for the useful tips! My mind has cleared up a lot in a few hours and I am thinking of doing both, music and finishing the history, but finishing it at a lower pace and giving equally enough time for music. I need to manage my time better, right now I’m surfing too much in the internet or hanging out at town, so I’ll have to devote the time for music instead. I’m composing commercial rock music, and i honestly think i could make it (in my country there are not that many great songwriters since it’s so small). and if i don’t make it, then i’ll have a degree and i might form a company in the future with something. Money’s not fortunately an issue. I think my mom’s depression has gotten my future seem dark as well, and earlier today i felt really low but now I feel OK again. So i don’t think it’s actual depression, it’s just too many choices that I have to deal with at this state of life. But luckily I’m stubborn and I’ll never give up! :slight_smile: I’m still so lucky with many things and I have to remind myself of that. It’s all in the attitude!</p>

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<p>lost - I don’t think you’ve “lost track” … you certainly know where you want to go. There is some debate about how to best get there … be able to earn a living while working to advance your music career … or throw all caution to the wind and risk sleeping on friends’ floors until you’re forty. Call me stuffy if you want, but until you can see success on the horizon IMHO you owe it to yourself (and your Mom) to finish college. Do keep working on your music … but asking others to pay your financial and emotional bills is simply not a mature thing to do. BTW, I second the suggestion to begin talking with a counselor. It can help put the conflicts in your life into perspective. Good luck!</p>

8

<p>Music careers pay even lower salaries that history teachers. Don’t allow yourself to get all worked up because you don’t think you are going to get a job that, in reality, is not out there. Do you really think if you went to a music school you would get hired as a song writer? Try being a “glass-is-half-full” person for a few months. If that doesn’t work – counseling.</p>

9

<p>I think you would find JK Rowling’s Commencement Speech at Harvard 2008 to be inspirational. Her parents wanted her to major in something useful in college, so that she could get a job after college that would help her pay a mortgage. She did finish college, did not major in something her parents thought would be useful and basically failed at life after college.</p>

<p>Her failure gave her the courage to do what it was she really wanted to do–write stories and, as they say, the rest is history.</p>

<p>[The</a> Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination | Harvard Magazine](<a href=“http://harvardmagazine.com/commencement/the-fringe-benefits-failure-the-importance-imagination]The”>http://harvardmagazine.com/commencement/the-fringe-benefits-failure-the-importance-imagination)</p>

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<p>aaahhh, ellemenope, I printed out the text of that speech and saved it because I thought it was an important concept to remember… imagination is very critical to success and yet it doesn’t pay the bills…at least not initially… </p>

<p>sometimes I find these cross cultural posts requesting help to be intriguing… time and time again it seems as if “non-American” parents demand their kids toe a certain line and the kids come here looking for permission to live their life differently than their parents expect…its almost as though approval from a “parent’s forum” can serve as a dispensation… certainly I agree with the initial post that this site has a lot of good advice, but in these cultural clash areas, it just seems hard to help overcome a lifetime of parental hopes and dreams and schemes!! For the op, I recommend always having a Plan B if you want to pursue the artistic/musical world… just watch American Idol to have a sense of how many people think they have talent… and then see how many of the actual winners have truly succeeded financially… perhaps you could become a producer of music? if you can take your interest in history and apply it to music… and learn the business, then maybe you can take that knowledge back home and help develop and promote talent? While dabbling in creating music too? Good luck…</p>

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<p>I watched Steve Jobs’ speach at Stanford (?) on youtube a while back, it’s so inspirational! It even encourages us to be a little naive and dream it up in order to achieve something in life. I don’t think i’d achieve great things doing history and working in an office for the rest of my life, I would rather be an entrepreneur. That’s how I’ve always been. But I will finish up college, it’s only a small junk out of my life and makes mom happy. I came to this site since my country doesn’t have a site where you can discuss these things. It is a little bit different because the college here is basically free.Life is tricky, there are always ups and downs to everything, that makes my decision making so hard. </p>

<p>What about you parents, did you pick the right major in college and had a good experience with the jobs afterwards? Or do you regret not studying what you loved?</p>

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