<p>Just finished freshman year at a liberal arts college, but taking the next year off. I'm applying to transfer as a comp sci major for fall 2015, but because of my unconventional situation, I have no idea what to include/exclude on my essay:</p>
<ol>
<li>Reasons for transfer (homogenous culture, isolated location, weak comp sci department, socially dissatisfied etc.)</li>
<li>Demonstration of cs interest (how it developed, extra curriculars, independent projects, other programs)</li>
<li>Explanation of weird course load (took 3 cs courses, but the rest were music, russian, spanish, econ, psych, meaning I lack the conventional cs transferrable course work for pre-reqs)</li>
<li>Rationale for taking a year off (realized all this after transfer deadline, can't justify a year/tuition if I'm going to leave)</li>
<li>What I will actually do in my year off (need to show I wasn't just moping around, have job lined up + cs ideas)</li>
<li>Why transferring helps reach goals (forward looking explanation about future improved academic/professional path)</li>
<li>The catchy anecdote/other stylistic aspects (e.g., the kinda random intro hook that is brought full circle at the end)</li>
</ol>
<p>Which should I include? If I address each topic without being brief/unclear, then I'd be over the world limit.</p>
<p>What's more important: explaining the particulars of an unconventional situation or writing an essay that could be easier/smoother to read (more focused) but ignores several relevant issues?</p>
<p>Exclude #1 for sure. Schools don’t want to hear you bash your old school. Also, why would you need to include #3? Most freshman take mostly gen-eds freshman year, and don’t start delving into major courses until sophomore year. You already took 3 in your major, so no need to explain a “weird course load”</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice. I did put number 1 bluntly, but I think it is important to at least address the cs lack of breadth/depth in the cs department for comparison. I would certainly be more tact. I was worried about course load because a lot of places expect cs majors (or require them) to have math/physics or other related subject matter. My APs can help some, but not entirely.</p>
<p>I really wouldn’t address it at all. It’s like going on a job interview and complaining about an old boss, incredibly unprofessional and not a good impression to make in an essay. Frame it instead in terms of all of the unique possibilities available at the schools you’re applying to</p>
<p>I’d focus on 2, 5 and 6. I’d really try NOT to go into the rest so your essay can be focused and passionate. If you have good plans of what you will do in your year off, I’d not spend a ton of time talking about why you chose to take time off.</p>
<p>Great point. Why emphasize the decision (and risk having the adcom question/doubt it), when I can instead just emphasize the accomplishment. Thanks!</p>
<p>Honestly, I think you’d be better off wording #1 in the sense of “I have learned a lot already in my CS classes at school x, and I would love to continue deepening this knowledge at school y.”</p>
<p>As already stated, they don’t want to hear you bash your old school. They want to hear why you’re interested in school y; not why you’re all of a sudden less interested in school x.</p>
<p>I’m not familiar with the transfer student process, but is there not an extra space like at the bottom where you can include information such as this? Many of these things seem like relevant but personal issues that could be discussed elsewhere than your essay, agreed on no need to bash old school</p>
<p>@comfortablycurt I’m a bit confused. I know bashing is bad, but am I just supposed to imply everything (e.g, I look forward to doing x at your college (implying that I can’t do it or its difficult to at my current school))?</p>
<p>I’ve read that it’s good to be specific about your current college, but to just make those specific details a respectful balance of what they do well and not so well. </p>
<p>For example, don’t say things that refer to the weak computer science department at your current school. Talk about how you will love immersing yourself in the more expansive computer science department at the transfer institution. If you talk about how weak the computer science department is at your school, it could give them pause to think: If this comp sci department is as weak as it sounds, has this person learned a lot there? </p>
<p>You want to emphasize that you have learned a lot in your current computer science classes. You want to further emphasize that you look forward to building on that knowledge and pursuing it at the greater depth afforded by the transfer institution. Transfer institutions really are not that interested in hearing about the negative parts of your current school that have made you want to transfer. They just want to hear about the things that have made you want to transfer to their school. </p>
<p>Honestly though, that stuff isn’t even that important. If someone is applying to Harvard, they don’t need to spend too much time talking about how great their _________ department is. They already know. You may not be applying to Harvard or anything even remotely comparable, but the point still stands. Dripping with enthusiasm about a specific department and how great you think it is doesn’t really come across in as appealing of a way as many people think it does. It’s worth mentioning some specific research at the school and how it relates to your interests. But they’re more interested in hearing about -you-. They want to know why -you- are a good candidate for admission into their student body. </p>
<p>This is why it’s crucial to not talk bad about your school. They want to hear about what your school has helped you to accomplish. </p>
<p>Additionally, I don’t think #3 is even a relevant point. There’s nothing at all weird about only taking 3 courses in your major during freshman year. Most students have course loads consisting primarily of Gen Ed courses during their freshman year. That’s not unusual at all. I don’t think it necessitates any kind of explanation, or even a cursory mention in your essay. </p>
<p>I appreciate the advice. I’m still not completely convinced though. </p>
<p>I have read on various threads about people’s reasons for transferring (what they wrote about in their essays) and many discuss their previous college experience. One example of this can be found [here[/url</a>] (Specifically, posts 4 & 5). Notice that the reply confirming the strength of the potential transfer’s reasons (post #5) was posted by a successful Harvard transfer.</p>
<p>I know what your saying about discussing what one hopes to do and will do at the college in the future (and all threads I have read address this directly as well), but there is still significant discussion of the past college. It makes sense that one’s previous experience at college is necessary information in order to properly communicate the student’s current position as a transfer: you can’t just state the result (what you have decided you want to do at college X), you must also provide the cause (what was your past experience was at college Y). </p>
<p>Unrelated to all of this, which topics from my original post (excluding #3, since you already addressed it) do you think should be included in the essay?</p>
<p>If ‘briefly’ means approximately 2-3 sentences, then I agree it should be included. It should not be a central portion of your paper though, and it doesn’t really seem that it was a main point of the essays you linked. </p>
<p>It’s mentioned quite briefly in the UPenn essay: “Upon my return to Amherst College for my sophomore year, I soon came to realize that the school does not offer the exact major I now hope to pursue. I’m majoring in anthropology, but the program at Amherst is almost entirely contemporary and sociological in its focus. More and more my interests are becoming archaeological and historical.”</p>
<p>Three sentences; short and sweet. The person mentions Amherst a couple of times after, but only in a positive light. “I have made many good friends at Amherst, and I have studied with some wonderful professors.” “I originally applied to Amherst because it was comfortable - I come from a small town in Wisconsin, and Amherst felt like home.”</p>
<p>He’s not portraying Amherst in a negative light. He’s not saying that Amherst has a weak anthropology department. He’s saying that Amherst doesn’t really facilitate the exact type of specialization within anthropology that he would like to pursue. That’s a big difference. He’s saying that the education he’s received thus far has been superb, but that Amherst doesn’t offer the deeper focus in a specific area. It’s more a matter of changing interests, than an annoyance with a weak department. </p>
<p>He’s not saying that he doesn’t like the culture and environment at Amherst. Quite the contrary really. He’s saying that it was exactly what he wanted at first. He then goes on to say that his interests have changed, and that he believes UPenn offers an environment that’s more in line with his new desires. The broad theme of his essay is about why he likes UPenn and why he thinks he would be a good fit.</p>
<p>You should mention very briefly why your current school isn’t meeting your goals, but it’s very possible to do this without portraying your current school in a negative light. That’s really the point I’m trying to make. </p>
<p>I recommend not even talking about why you’re leaving the first school. Discuss what you’re bringing to the new school. Think of it as a courtship. </p>
<p>Well I’m not trying to ‘turn on’ any admissions officers. The analogy doesn’t capture the whole picture: transferring colleges is more intellectual than that. I want admissions officers to understand me, and I think I will have to (as comfortablycurt suggests) briefly and respectfully explain why I am looking to transfer colleges in relation to my prior experience at my current college.</p>
<p>Sorry! You got caught in the crossfire. My reply was mostly in response to dyiu13’s suggesting to ‘not even talk about why you’re leaving the first school.’ That just leaves out a little too much pertinent information.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, I personally probably wouldn’t even mention my reasons for disliking my old school. Schools don’t really care about why you want to transfer away from the old school. They just know that you want to. The excellent academics at the transfer institution should be reason enough. The homogeneous social atmosphere and weak CS department at your current school is not going to make for a more compelling application. That information tells them absolutely nothing about why they should accept you. It’s only going to take space away from telling them about yourself and why you’re a good candidate for their school. </p>
<p>If you feel that it’s absolutely necessary to mention it, I’d make it very brief, as I mentioned. </p>