<p>Sorry for posting this here, it doesnt have much to do with college but I thought since most people here are parents they could help me out. My sister is a 15 year old in 10th grade, she was always a good student academcally and behavior wise but in the past few years she has really changed. I've noticed it most in these past few days i've been home on winter break. It all started when she met these new friends in 9th grade. The whole time she was in middle school she never got below a 3.7 gpa and was always on the honor roll. But in ninth grade her grades started going down and thats also when she began lying to my parents and me. She would constantly tell us she had to stay after school with a teacher but once when I drove by her school, i saw her leaving with her friends going to a mcdonalds across the street. And this year its gotten worse, she tells us that she's going to a friends house across the street and when we call to pick her up she's not there, and she comes home at like 10:00 telling us she was at her friends house the whole time, obviously lying. She's failing at least 2 classes in school,she's been put in in-school suspension, and today we just got a letter that she's skipped class at least 6 times and she's not going to recieve credit for it this quarter. She tales my mom that she's staying after school for help, but she comes home at 7:00pm saying the bus was late but I went to that school for 3 years and its very rare for the after school buses to be late, especially 4 times in one week. I just dont know what to do, me and mom have just had it with her. We can control her at home buy not letting her go out with her friends but during school there is nothing we can do. I dont like her friends either, I went to the school last year and I know the kind of people she's friends with, they're just not the kind of people I trust.</p>
<p>This is not an uncommon thing to happen at this age. Do you suspect drug or alcohol use? Some of her behaviors indicate that might be the case. Your parents might ask her if she is willing to be drug tested and see how she reacts. What are the consequences to her when she lies and breaks the rules? Are your parents able to enforce them? Feel free to PM me with more info. I had a "struggling teen" for awhile and know how hard it is on a family. My D was 18 when our family was in chaos because of it and she was very sad and resentful, so I understand how you are feeling. It saps the energy of the parents and ruins almost every aspect of family life. Hang in there. There IS hope! Karen</p>
<p>i think you guys should definately talk about it, you might be able to reach some kind of compromise. i think the problem here is lack of communication, it seems strange that she feels the need to lie about going to a mcdonalds after school; perhaps she's rebelling due to extreme pressure placed on her? whatever it is, try to talk through it, good luck!</p>
<p>From my observation, some daughters never listen to their mothers once they reach a certain age. But the Dad, they'll listen to. The siblings, too. I think you should talk to her, have a sister-sister talk. Just be forward about it. "Why do you lie to your own family?" If that doesn't work, get Daddio involved.</p>
<p>I agree with Aim. Most 15 year olds are more tolerant of advice from siblings than they are of parental advice. However, you have to tread a fine line here - do not accuse her of anything, just try to get her talking and see if you can find out what is really going on. You are a good sister (and daughter) to be concerned.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the help. I talked to her about the letter from the school about her skipping class and she said she does it because all her friends have the 6th period lunch and since she has 5th she gets really lonely and has no one to talk to so when her friends ask her to skip class to go to lunch with them its really hard for her to say no. I kinda scared her because in the letter it said that if she kept skipping class unexcused our dad could face jail time since there is some law like that here in Virginia. Ever since a couple of days ago when that incident happend where she said she was at a friends house and wasnt there my mom doesnt let her go out anymore. The thing that worries me the most is that she might do something really stupid like ending up pregnant and having to drop out of school. Its really affecting me too because the whole day im just nervous for no reason its just a really horrible feeling I have. But I have talked to her telling that I dont want to see her end up like some of the girls shes friends with, with a baby at 17 and not finishing high school. I know she's not stupid its just that she doesnt do her homework because she's on the phone talking with her friends so much and its really hard for my mom to stop her because my mom its like my mom is scared of her, she doesnt want to get her mad and they start yelling at each other. Im going back to school on monday and thats not helping me either since I wont be here to help out my parents.</p>
<p>ugh, just send her to military school.... just kidding..... I suggest immediate therapy with a pro</p>
<p>Just a few observations, and I don't mean to be harsh. OP: you are a college student, not a parent, and this should not be your problem. From other posts, I know that you have concerns of your own, as do all college students. It's very admirable that you are concerned about your sister, your family and the situation. However, you should not and cannot take this upon yourself. You mother is obviously afraid of the conflict and of your sister. From what you've said, she is still obviously not controlling your sister's behavior to the extent that she needs to. From your silence on the subject, you Dad is either not there physically or "not there" otherwise, for whatever reason. This situation does call for professional help. Start with yourself. Avail yourself of the counselling services at your school. Hopefully, you can get some help, support and advice there. "Military school" is not a bad idea. We have friends who had an out-of-control daughter and they did end up sending her to a special private boarding school several states away. It seems to have helped, as she was able to get into a decent college. I don't know your family's financial situation, and this may not be an option. However it's probably preferable to pregnancy, runaway, jail, etc. Sorry to be so bleak. Sounds like you are taking all this on because your folks are clueless or in denial or whatever. In some cases, the local school may help. Or maybe they have a clergyman who is trained in family counselling, as many are. In any case, I hope you take the first step of getting some support for yourself. Best wishes.</p>
<p>Communication and counseling first. But with girls, it can go downhill real fast. Girls tend to run away. Your mom may not let your sister go out anymore, but eventually she'll go anyway. I found Greyhound bus schedules in my D's backpack after the escorts came at 5 a.m. to whisk her off to Idaho. We got her out just in time. Your parents need to take charge and set boundaries. Take away the phone. No yelling. It's their house and they set the rules. Until your sister is 18, they are responsible for her legally. Your sister needs to be accountable for her behavior. Family therapy, tough love, your parents should try that first. Depending on finances, there are many good wilderness programs and emotional growth boarding schools out there. I've found that families who may not be comfortable financially will borrow and dig deep to save a child. A good educational consultant should be hired if this route is taken.</p>
<p>Kinshasa, can you PM me? I, too, had to have some nice young men come at 5am to take a kid to wilderness- Utah, in our case. Would like to share experiences with you.</p>