I just need to vent

Parents Forum
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<p>Right now I'm torn between feeling sorry for my son and feeling like I'm ready to kill him. </p>

<p>He applied to eight schools, and with constant nagging finished most applications by November 1st, with two others sent in during the month of November. So basically, I felt like all the tension I had caused was definately worth it. He's going for architecture, and based his selection of schools on the fact that they did not require a portfolio (among other things.) </p>

<p>Early on he was accepted to one reach and one safety. He was very apathetic about the acceptances, but since financial aid will play a part in the decision making process I realized that this was not a bad thing. </p>

<p>He doesn't track his application status online, he waits for the mail. This week he received two more acceptances that basically went like this "Congratulations you've been accepted to XYZ school. You indicated a first choice preference for the school of architecture. Please fill out the attached application and prepare a portfolio for review. Return these items to the school of architecture for a decision within two weeks. If you do not get accepted into the school of architecture you will be accepted into your second choice school." (He has no second choice)</p>

<p>I actually just visited the websites of both these schools, and the only instructions for applying to the school of architecture was to fill out a regular undergraduate admissions application, it did not even mention a "part two", so my son really did not screw up on that part. </p>

<p>However, if I hadn't asked to see the two acceptance letters, he wouldn't have realized that he had to submit anything else. He never read beyond the first line!!! He definately has stuff to submit for a portfolio, but just didn't want to bother with getting it all put together, adding more stuff etc.</p>

<p>Anyway, the letter today as from his other safety. The application for admission to the school of architecture includes a portfolio plus instructions for two very specific drawings. It also requires that he answer four very specific essay questions (nothing he could possibly recycle from his other applications) This is on top of what he already had to write for the original application. Then, he will be called for a final interview. I just wish he'd known about this from the beginning. </p>

<p>After I told him to finish reading his "acceptance letter" his response was that it was his safety (this is a safety school for most people) and since he had other acceptances he wasn't going to do it. Later he said he was going to do it, but I'm just not prepared to nag the way I did this fall. </p>

<p>OK, I did my venting and now I feel better. I personally don't even think a career in architecture is worth it....</p>

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<p>I know from first hand experience that the apathetic, you're a pain Mom, attitude can be very frustrating. I think it's especially so this time of year when many of us have lists a mile long of things to do. </p>

<p>My own D, a HS Jr., came home today with 3 friends for food before swim practice. Since the girls were done eating and just hanging around I asked for help with a swim parent project. It would have taken me about an hour to do alone. It took the four of them about 10 minutes. Her friends didn't seem to mind, but one would have thought I asked my daughter to walk on water or something.....argh...... I realize not nearly as important as college apps, but it just irked me. </p>

<p>I guess we need to remember that our children are under loads of stress as well.</p>

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<p>jjcddg, I say this gently as I really do appreciate the frustrations of a kid who's so close to the finish line then stops to tie his shoes, but maybe architecture isn't the right path for your son at this point in his life. </p>

<p>It just seems strange to me that he would have so much resistance to submitting a portfolio. I mean architecture *is *designing, drawing, constructing, creating and participating in a good deal of discussion and absorbing a good deal of criticism over the same. The architecture BA requires an intensely focused commitment and it's not for the fainthearted. </p>

<p>I know it's somewhat late (to say the least) to rethink and I don't pretend to know anything about your son's motivations, but perhaps a 4 to 5 year commitment to architecture is premature?</p>

<p>Good luck and let us know how he does.</p>

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<p>Momrath -- I was thinking the same thing.</p>

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<p>momrath is right. Would you feel comfortable in a building designed by an apathetic architect?</p>

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<p>And I was thinking, "you mean you have to know how to draw ( and have a portfolio) BEFORE you go to architecture school??</p>

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<p>shrinkrap ^^ exactly! When my son was working on his supplemental application to major in film, he said "I feel like I need to go to film school before I can write these things." But at least he knew up front that he had to do lots of extra work, so I can understand jjc's frustration. I don't have much advice for her. If it's important for financial aid reasons to get these extra materials in, I'd keep nagging. If not, I'd let the kid do what he wants. Only he knows how much he really wants this major.</p>

<p>I think there are lots of parents right now who are feeling underappreciated :)</p>

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<p>george costanza wanted to be an architect too!!!</p>

<p>its like those people that go to medical school because their parents made them===that is the kind of doc I want!!</p>

<p>anyway, this may be for the best- if he really really wanted it, he would make it happen, if he doesn't, that is okay, he will still go to college</p>

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<p>Thanks for the replies. </p>

<p>He actually does have enough material for a portfolio, he just always felt it wasn't good enough. He's taken architecture classes in high school, but they really focus on drafting. If we'd really examined the requirements a few years ago he would have taken art not architecture as his electives. It's funny, because then he could have taken AP studio classes and not worried about his architecture classes bringing down his weighted GPA. But what's done is done.</p>

<p>You are all right, I am also very concerned that he is not aware of the rigor of an architecture major. I try to stress the amount of time and dedication his studio classes will take. Fortunately, at my suggestion, he did not apply to strictly "architecture and engineering" colleges, so he will be able to transfer to other majors, without transfering to another school if he finds that architecture isn't right for him.</p>

<p>Yes, for most programs you do have to be able to "draw" before being accepted. Although last night I was looking at several of the schools that don't require portfolios and they basically said not to worry about being able to draw they will teach you in the first two studio classes. </p>

<p>After sleeping on this, I can definately understand why he feels the way he does about the school that now requires more essays, a portfolio plus school selected art work. He felt he was done with the whole application process and could focus on his school work. I think if it had been his reach school he would have felt better about it (but probably very nervous) The fact that it's a tier 4 school that doesn't even show up on the radar for good architecture schools probably makes it seem even more ridiculous to him. Fortunately he has this break to work on it, and I'm sure he will (well, maybe some nagging)</p>

<p>You are right, he will end up in a college somewhere. Thanks again for letting me vent. I can't believe I have two more that need to go through this process (and one of them wants to be an art major - I can't figure out where this came from)</p>

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<p>^^^^Independent Assortment of Genes!</p>

<p>Ain't it great?</p>

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<p>I can understand how you & your son are both feeling. My son thought he was done with his applications too. Then he heard back from his acceptances which all want him to apply to honors (that's a good thing, right?). A couple of the honors applications are fairly simple, but one of them is huge with more essays, teacher recs, etc., and he doesn't want to do it because it's not his #1 school (or #2, or #3 even). H and I would like him to follow through for the sake of following through, but he is so very busy right now with a huge outside-school EC commitment, and the app is due next week. So he basically decided not to finish it, and I guess I'm OK with that under the circumstances. But I had to laugh when you said he just read the first line on his acceptance and it was YOU who noticed the bit about the portfolio. Same with my son's honors app - it came with the acceptance and he took it up to his room, didn't notice it, and it was ME who noticed it several days later.</p>

<p>Anyway for your son, maybe make a deal with him that he will at least follow through on the portfolio for the school that he prefers.</p>

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<p>He'll not only go to college, but he may also change his major three or four times between when he enrolls and when he graduates. Maybe architecture will be in the mix and maybe it won't be. I feel YOUR frustration as a parent...but you know...some folks learn best in the "school of hard knocks". If your son gets stuff done, fine. If he doesn't, the issues will be his, not yours.</p>

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<p>jjcddg, you might want to ask some questions on the architecture board. My experience is limited as my son is still thinking about applying to architecture (MArch) and hasn't actually gone through the process, but from what he's been told the portfolio doesn't necessarily have to focus on architecture or buildings.</p>

<p>The portfolio should show some ability in drawing, especially an understanding of perspective. It should also show creativity and a sense of design. Obviously, the college is not looking for finished product but rather someone who is teachable.</p>

<p>Thumper, I do agree wholeheartedly that kids change and change again during their college years. To me that's the beauty of a liberal arts education -- the breadth of disciplines and the ability to experiment. </p>

<p>In most 4-5 year architecture programs however flexibility is limited so the student must be thoroughly committed from day one. I'd be sure to carefully understanding what's involved in transferring from the school of architecture to another program. How flexible is it, really?</p>

<p>My son has friends who took the architecture BA route and now, 5 years later, they're almost ready to be real architects while he has a long, hard masters road ahead. Which is better? This argument could go on until the World Trade Center gets rebuilt, but even then, it's a individual choice.</p>

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<p>I wouldn't be so harsh on him. These kids have had to put in a ton of effort for this college process, over several years, at a level of stress and competition their parents never had to deal with. To find out after the big push that there's more to come......why would he be excited and dying to do more work? I think his response is natural for a kid who is, as most of them are right now, burnt out on the college process. A few days to think and strategize about what he really wants is indicated - a chance to get over the agony of finding out there IS MORE to do. Plus, if he isn't going to chose the safety over one of the others then maybe he is right that it isn't a good use of his time. OTOH, didn't the schools list out the process? </p>

<p>My son is the same way - reads the first line and not the rest so I understand your frustration (and your fears) but I don't think it is a sign that architecture isn't for him. What a big jump that is from a rather typical teenage (especially male) response or behavior to the need to reconsider his career plans because he isn't willing to do more? We haven't seen teens cut off their noses to spite their faces and still come out neurosurgeons, architects, lawyers, whatever, as adults???? I think we parents are here for that - keeping them going when the going gets tough. I am definitely glad I did not have to stand on my head so long to get into college.</p>

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<p>Riley, the problem with getting an architecture BA is that it's so final and all encompassing and once you get on that path it's hard to change course. </p>

<p>In America no one goes directly from highschool to law school or medical school. Getting an undergraduate BA or BS offers a chance to mature, experiment and gain exposure to a range of disciplines before settling into a dedicated career path.</p>

<p>Undergradutate programs in architecture, engineering, nursing do require a greater commitment and focus than many teenagers are able or willing to muster. I'm not critical of those who choose to focus exclusively on architecture from day one, but I'd want them to be aware of the options. </p>

<p>Many many successful architects did not study architecture during their undergraduate years. The MArch takes longer and is, therefore, more costly, but it's a valid (and to some, preferable) path to the same end.</p>

<p>I don't know anything about the OP's son and I respect her/his right to vent over what may turn out to be just a momentary dragging of heels. However, a reluctance to prepare and submit a portfolio raised a red flag for me as creativity, drawing and design is one of the key elements in architecture.</p>

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<p>You think this ends when they graduate from HS? My own D, a senior in college, smart enough to win merit scholarships beyond our dreams is no smart enough to read the details about how to get payment in time to pay tuition. So, for the second year running, we'll be stuck with a late payment fee for tuition because she did not read all the details and get things done before the break. And if I had not insisted that she call the scholarship granting foundation two weeks ago, she would still be in the dark. </p>

<p>Geesh.</p>

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<p>momrath - I understand - my son is applying to engineering schools but still hasn't finished his "why engineering, why school X engineering, what engineering ideas will be fostered by school x, what attracted him to engineering, etc., etc., essays so we'll see. Frankly, the fight today has been to keep schools on his list despite the fact that they have "odd" and particularly fussy essays - he has had to write so many essays that I am sick of them. I don't believe for a minute that this desire to cut essays (and therefore cut schools) means he doesn't really want to be an engineer or that he won't be good at it just means he is burnt out on this process, l7 years old and limited in his long range thinking. I just get the cattle prod out and poke him when he starts to shut down (smile) - he will appreciate the poking someday (definitely not today, though).</p>

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<p>
[quote]
he has had to write so many essays that I am sick of them.

[/quote]

Yes, I think the essays are too much.</p>

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<p>Rileydog-</p>

<p>"he will appreciate the poking someday (definitely not today, though). "</p>

<p>Yes. He will, if our S is any indication. Though, the way it is ultimately expressed may be a bit strange!</p>