I just want to cry sometimes

Student Lounge College Life
1

man where do I start…? …big family, wealthy with high expectations, 15+ close cousins that are all either in college or about to be.

just got home from a family gathering after many years, caught up with everyone and man,I feel…HORRIBLE and disgusted with myself.

I’ll start off with how every single one of my cousins are planning to become either dentists,dermatologists,optometrists
oh boy, nothing but straight As, and the younger ones are breezing through SATs and ACTs with super high scores.

and then there’s me. Barely passing CC with a 2.7 GPA hoping to transfer to a local university… I stay at the library all day studying or trying to finish an essay ,while my cousins are breezing through college while studying “sometimes”. Their advice to me is to ''Read the book" and study a day before tests. It’s just so frustrating that I get tears and sometimes just want to let it all out. My aunts and uncles are disappointed since I’m not going to medical school, as if I’m very capable of such an achievement (being asian make it even worse).

I’m not sure if anyone on here can relate since it seems everyone on here are very successful in academics.

I hope responses on here can help me or anyone else in a similar situation.

2

Slow and steady wins the race. Just be you. Be true to yourself. Not all doctors and dentists are happy.

3

Would you even want to be a dentist? Ick. You do you. Don’t worry about them, it is your life.

4

One of my favorite quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt – “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So don’t consent. Stop comparing yourself to others. Academics are not the only way to measure a person. Focus on being the best you can be in every area – the best person, the best student, the best friend, the best son, the best worker etc. If you can do that you will be a winner.

5

To make it clear, No, I don’t want to be a dentist. It’s just how my ENTIRE family views education itself, “Medical school or your a disappointment” pretty much. And if you don’t go, you’re destined to be a failure…

6

So you have a chance to be a success at something else. You have to stop counting on their validation. Figure out what you are good at and what you are interested in, and focus on that.

7

My extended asian family has some members obsessed with medical, dental degree like yours. Some of their kids suffered because they did not make it. I hate that too.

Don’t feel bad because of their attitude. You don’t have to meet them again.

You still need to figure out how to be efficient in your studying though. Ask your teachers and your friends for help.

8

You may want to see if you have a learning disability. It may help you figure out how to learn, so that you can be efficient in your studies.

9

a 2.7 GPA Is not the end of the world. Depending on how many semesters you have left, You have plenty of time to raise that GPA before you transfer. Have you read that book called how to become a straight A student by pal newport? What are you interested in? What is your current major?

10

So the spermatozoon that raced to fertilize your mother’s egg for you to become you was 1 out of roughly 100,000,000.

You are already a winner by a huge margin!

Love yourself. Have the confidence and courage to try to be your best, and the humility to know that you have limitations, just as we all do.

What will be will be. Live in the present and don’t covet things that come easier to other people. Be happy with the you that you are!

11

I can’t compare to you academically, but I’ll give you what I’m thinking: don’t make yourself who you don’t want to be. Just because your relatives are pursuing healthcare professions doesn’t mean you have to follow your footsteps.

I’ll give you something from my life: I really wanted to be an M.D. back in high school and I really wanted to go to Penn Medical School. Obviously, I didn’t think things through. Even though I had the grades to prove that I was ready, I really just wanted to impress my family. Things changed and now I’m soaring at a small private school near UPenn (and fun fact, I live at UPenn LOL).

Why am I telling this? You don’t need to follow what your family tells you to do. Follow your heart. Even if it’s hard right now, DON’T give up. Breathe. Put your books down. Take a break from the studies by going for a walk. Find what makes you happy. Is it cooking? Is it writing stories? Is it designing clothes?

I have so many friends from high school and college who tell me that they’re extremely happy with where they are right now. They know that going to top schools wouldn’t cut it for them and they are all happy with what they’re doing. I suggest you find your niche. Don’t let someone tell you what you can and can’t do.

Hope this helps! Don’t let family expectations bring you down and remember, you are the only person who can find your way through this mess. I have faith in you and best of luck! You got this :slight_smile:

12

@Philosophyguy11 ,
I feel your pain. Do your parents have the same high expectation about you as your relatives do? If so, please talk to them about who you are, what you want to be, what you can and cannot do. Your goal is to set their expectation about you straight.

Let them know that they cannot and should not compare you to your cousins. Their unrealistic expectation and comparison, directly or indirectly is hurtful, unproductive and it won’t turn you into your cousins. The sooner your parents and your relatives (esp. aunts, uncles, etc.) understand that, the better for you and them.

Not having high GPA or attending a medical school does not mean you will not be successful and happy in life.

13

My H worked for decades for the federal government. He LOVED his job. His siblings became dentists–they liked the patients but not some of the other aspects of their jobs. My siblings and in-laws include many healthcare professionals, some of whom like their jobs and others who don’t. My H never felt in any way inferior to his or my relatives or in-laws and made a comfortable income for our family and he is enjoying a very nice retirement. The relatives are now jealous that his employer gives him subsidized medical insurance for life as well as a comfortable pension.

H was NOT the best student and took 7 years to graduate, but was well respected at his workplace because he worked hard and knew his stuff. By the time he retired, he was doing about 8 people’s jobs!

I don’t understand how relatives would even know your grades–my kids never shared theirs with anyone. We were happy they got degrees, training and jobs.

14

@“aunt bea”, I’ve never been tested or have no clue on how to. But, It takes me hours to grasp something, days to write an average paper and is impossible for me to focus on long lectures. My mind is ALWAYS bunched up and feels “heavy” with random thoughts, it is never “Clear/light feeling” unless im sleeping or playing sports.

15

@Philosophyguy11 Please get tested. Do you have a school counselor?

16

@SuperGeo5999 @everyone reading this I am a freshman graduated HS last spring, about to finish my 2nd semester. I was talked into taking biology by my uncle but hated it so much. So I’m 1 1/2 semesters behind. I’m in business administration dreaming to become a philanthropist and have no regrets changing majors.

I’ve been buying and selling anything I can get locally/ebay ever since middle school so I LOVE everything about ‘business’. (I used alot of visa gift cards back then on PayPal to confirm my accounts for payments lol)

I’ll check that book out! EDIT: just ordered it off amazon

17

@gearmom I’m a freshmen so I’m not too familiar with our counselors or what to expect from certain ones. We have counselors in each devision, my business division has an academic & financial counselor.

18

I bet you a dollar that it’s not all sunshine and unicorns with those cousins. No one lives the kind of charmed life they’re showing you. They’re just choosing to show you the top parts-- for them, it’s the grades, the ambitions. (Oh, and there’s no guarantee that any of those ambitions will bear fruit, or will lead to happiness.)

As you get older, you come to realize what really matters in life. And it’s not about grades or ambitions, it’s about the intangibles. It’s about being a decent person-- the kind of person that family and friends can depend on. It’s about doing for others, and sometimes putting the other person first. It’s NOT about bragging to the point that someone else leaves Thanksgiving feeling badly about himself; it’s about building other people up instead of putting them down.

You’re a 19 year old kid. There’s plenty of time for you to decide on a path.

And, for the record, I’m not a doctor. I’m a math teacher in a Catholic high school. Neither I nor my husband (also a teacher in another local Catholic high school) makes a whole lot of money, though we have more than we need.So by your cousin’s standards, we’re probably not “successes.”

But my husband is the kindest person I’ve ever met. After Hurricane Harvey, we each found someone we know who has relatives in Houston, and we sent each a check. After Superstorm Sandy a few years ago, we each spent our Christmas money on people we work with who had lost their homes. Each Christmas Eve, he hits the local 7-11 and leaves money to buy coffee for the next 5 people who buy it. He’s active in the Knights of Columbus and spearheaded an effort 2 years ago to raise money to give wheelchairs to people who needed them. He cares about people-- his students, his family, his community.

Nope, not a doctor. And, like you, not a 4.0 in college. But a wonderful man-- someone I can count on, someone our kids can count on, someone his students and community can count on.

Absolutely a success in my book.

19

Realize that these expectations are cultural and not shared by our culture at large (despite what you might think of this forum). Really.

It does sound, though, as if you might have some sort of learning challenge. I would start by asking your primary care physician about an ADHD diagnostic questionnaire. There is no actual test for ADHD. A psychiatrist can also diagnose. If you have a diagnosis, you can register with the Office for Disabilities and receive support and accommodations. Please consider this.

Testing for learning disabilities, slow processing, executive function disorders, and so on is more complex and is done by a neuropsychologist. Paying privately can be costly. You could talk to your community college about this and perhaps someone in advising could help you access testing.

It takes many years to grow away from family expectations and establish your own identity and values. Be patient with yourself. The goal is not separation from your family but detachment. It is hard to achieve but you will make progress every year.

20

Philosphyguy…forget about your cousins and focus on you. In post #15 you showed that Business is what makes you happy. Now you need to figure out why you have trouble focusing on studying. I am in Healthcare and love everything about. However, I see people who were pushed into it and should have chosen other paths. It doesn’t benefit the patients, their co-workers or themselves. There are many kids in my town who are extremely pressured to get the highest GPAs and test scores. Many go to therapists for anxiety issues. Find what you truly enjoy, drop the Bio class, and learn how to do it well. Good Luck- you are getting great advice here.