So I’m a junior at a major huge party school. Going into college I was always pretty social and went to parties and all of that. Then half-way through my freshman year I got suspended for a semester. When I came back all of my friends had joined fraternities while I was gone but I couldn’t join due to the fact I was on social probation. Also due to social probation I couldn’t go out or drink much either so I ended up smoking a lot and staying in with my gf instead. Now it’s my junior year at this school, the only person that ever wants to hang out with me is my gf and honestly if you told me to text a friend to hang out the only people I would contact would respond with a “sorry I’m busy” at most. The weird thing is when I see a bunch of kid my own age going to a party I feel almost like a grad student thinking “my time for that has past.” I’ve had a history of getting into trouble while intoxicated so I just figure that I’m doing that right thing by never going out but at the same time I feel like I’m wasting all of my college experience by doing nothing and having no real friends here.
Also to add to this so the title makes more sense, I just feel like if I went to a school where people weren’t constantly only drinking and doing drugs I’d be more able to make friends. Plus the only way anyone really makes friends at my school is through Greek life of some sort which at this point I just really don’t want to join as a junior
Look you’re at college to get an education. It will make no difference in your life if you didn’t have the perfect experience. You won’t even think about it when you’re older.
Are you otherwise doing well in school gradewise? You have only two more years left to complete your major and I think you really should be focused on your long-term goal and future, not the lack of social life. Good social life isn’t about going to parties, but joining clubs and engaging in activities and building friendships that way. I don’t think you’re at the wrong school, but perhaps a wrong view on what a good social life is.
You have already had enough time to party in your past. At this point I would strongly recommend that you focus on your academics and forget about partying. Try to get your gf to do the same thing. In the long run you will be very glad if you take the “academics first” perspective for the next two years.
You are doing the right thing, good for you to recognize it even when it is hard. I’d suggest you look for new activities that don’t just revolve around partying & Greek life. How about joining activities like theater, school newspaper, volunteer organizations? Go to free things on campus like concerts and speakers. Look for off the beaten track clubs (my kid’s college has a glass blowing club, for example). Maybe join an intermural sports team. You might try an AA meeting – I’m sure there is a group on campus, and you will find people working just like you are to build a good life without alcohol and drugs.
I’m doing pretty well grade wise. My GPA is currently a 3.68 but was half through my sophomore year a 3.79 so that’s a slight decline but I think that’s only due to taking harder classes. For clubs I’ve recently joined a professional fraternity at my school but they don’t meet so often and I just recently joined an inter mural soccer team which I’m enjoying.
Looking at post #6, it sounds like you are doing the right thing.
@cjm02050 What is your major?
I’m majoring in biotechnology and I’m technically on the pre-med tract although I might drop that tract soon
It sounds to me like you are in a good place all things considered. Keep steering the course. I think you will find some friends through classes (as you move on in your major you keep running across the same people again and again) and in some of the clubs like the soccer team.
You’re not as messed up as you initially portrayed yourself to be in your first post. In fact I commend you on keeping up a very good grade. Twenty years from now, the little bit of partying you missed out in college will mean nothing. But it will mean a lot if you got distracted in college enough to hurt your grades and not be able to pursue your dream career goal. Keep up the good work, but do listen to the advice of the other posters who suggested being involved with the various activities which will make your time in college more valuable and meaningful.
Well your GPA is very good. You have a girlfriend and you are done with school before you know it. Are you just bored on Saturday night? What is the problem? Seems like you are doing really well and on track.
I guess I just didn’t know how much of the experience I was missing out on by not having any close friends on my campus at all besides my gf and I guess I was just worried about whether or not I’d look back and regret it all. Really in the end I just needed some conformation that I was doing the right thing like I thought I was
@cjm02050 Honestly it is better that you didn’t waste your time at fraternity parties. If you did and had a dip in your GPA, you’d look back and be miserable about that. If you had an issue with alcohol, you might have one in the future so healthy choices such as your soccer is the best. You’re probably not going to see anyone from college again except your GF. Your GPA opens doors for your future fun life. You should be really proud of yourself for recovering so well after that trip up Freshmen year. Things happen sometimes and you take responsibility and deal with them and it really seems like you did an awesome job with that.
You are doing well. College isn’t about partying. You seem to be lamenting your lack of social life. Take steps to meet people. Talk to people from your classes. Join a study group, or form one. Maybe you are at the wrong school, but you are a junior. Transferring now, when you are well into junior year, is surely going to be tough. There is no time limit on meeting new people and making friends.
Have you considered getting involved in Alpha Phi Omega, the national service fraternity? I’ll be you could meet people there who have other interests besides partying.
You know what I think?
You’ve grown up…more than some other students on campus. You’re not the same person you were in freshman year. Ok, so you got in trouble, had to take some time away from school as a result, but now you’ve learned from that experience. If, like you said, you have a history of getting into trouble while intoxicated, it is a very wise & mature decision you’re making to NOT go out with the goal to get intoxicated.
Other random thoughts in no particular order:
- Your current social situation is temporary.
- Once you graduate, hardly anybody out in the big wide world cares if you were a member of a fraternity in college.
- Once you graduate, nobody's going to really care about who went to which or how many raging drunken-fests in college.
- This may seem like a really big deal right now, but it's not the end of the world.
- It may SEEM like the end of the world, though, because your PRIOR friend circle perhaps centered around getting drunk together.
- You've had to deal with some pretty negative consequences to getting really drunk. Consequences more than your typical Sunday morning hangover. Consequences that ended up distancing you from your prior friend circle.
- Now you need to go and find NEW friends. It may SEEM like EVERYBODY at your college gets drunk/high every weekend and that the ENTIRE social life revolves around then. But trust me...even at some of the biggest party schools in the country (I went to one), there ARE plenty of students who do not participate in that.
- You just have to go and find some of those people. But you know what? They will not be at the raging parties every weekend with your old circle of friends. They're doing other stuff on Friday and Saturday nights.
- This is going to require you to spread your wings a little, get outside your comfort zone, and explore other social options at your school. Join some clubs. Or if you don't find one you like, START ONE YOURSELF! Heck, I don't know, join a book club if you like to read. If you like to hike? Join or start a hiking club...get involved in its social events...host a dinner for the club at your apartment, for example, on a Friday or Saturday evening. If you want to stay sober, I'm betting that there are some sort of sober living groups somewhere on campus and THEY will have social things to do together on weekend evenings.
I made tons of new friends (mostly non-partners) senior year of college when I moved into co-op housing. Just putting it out there in case it is an option at your school.