I moved into my dorm room yesterday and I have not stopped crying since. I miss my mom and my dogs so much it hurts. I have social anxiety so living with 20 other people is incredibly nerve wracking and I’ve only met one person so far because I’ve been hiding in my room crying the entire time missing out on all the events. I’m an introvert so all of the freshers week events send me into an intense panic. I seriously don’t think I can do this and even though I’ve only been here for 24 hours I just want to go home. Does anyone have any advice?
Good morning!! I just read your post and wanted to respond right away. I’m the mom of a freshman in college. She’s having a great time, but, like you, had a real bout of homesickness Thursday night. (Yeah. at 2 am, lol.)
I want to start by reassuring you that it’s totally normal. It’s expected. It’s something that everyone goes through to differing degrees-- kind of the common cold of college residential life.
It sounds, from your post, as though maybe you’re an only child and haven’t had to share space before? If so, then it’s probably a bit more difficult for you than for my daughter, who has shared a room her whole life. How are things with you and your roommate?
I posted a whole list of suggestions here: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2097895-having-difficulty-making-friends-first-year.html#latest
Have you stopped by the school mental health center? It’s probably a great first stop for just about any freshman, particularly one with anxiety issues. (It’s on the list of things I’ll be nagging my daughter to do; she has occasional anxiety issues.) If they’re open today, consider stopping by.
Have you met your RA yet? They’re bound to be well versed in this issue, and can offer some school-specific advice.
What I want you to promise is that you’ll get to the dining hall within the next hour to have breakfast. One, you need the nutrition. But far more importantly, you need to connect with other kids, and hiding in your room won’t do it. Bring your phone or ipad, spend the time here on CC if you want-- though I would suggest asking “Can I join you?” to someone else who looks like they’re alone too instead. Having just arrived is your perfect excuse— you seriously haven’t had time to meet anyone yet.
So log off here, go take a shower, and go to the dining hall for breakfast. I don’t know the weather where you are, but it’s gorgeous here. Spend a few hours just walking around, exploring the campus. Find each of the buildings your classes are in. Find all the dining places. Find the place where you can work out. Make it your mission today to learn the campus. Promise yourself that you’ll try to avoid calling home until 3 pm, or whatever time sounds like just a little bit of a stretch from your comfort zone.
You chose this school, and going away to school, because you knew it would be a good experience for you. So force yourself to get over this roadblock, and make it that wonderful experience.
You can do it! It’ll just take some time! Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know 
It’s okay to be an introvert and to not want to throw yourself full blast into all the events. Pick a few to attend, and give yourself some time to recharge between them.
You need to focus on something other than your mom & your dogs.
Stay busy buying books & registering for classes & getting to know the campus.
Even asking others where they are from & what they intend to study will help.
Homesickness is normal, but it is also within your control. By focusing on others & other things, you will adjust gradually.
Normal!
The more you engage, the more comfortable you’ll become. I can promise you one thing: It will NEVER get better if you stay in your room. Also, the easiest time to meet people is in the first three to six weeks. That’s when everyone is most open to engaging with everyone else.
You don’t have to go to every event. Pick two that seem most interesting to you. Also, when classes start, you’ll be busy.
Think about the long game. You will not be living with your mom and dogs for the rest of your life. (Well, I guess you can, but that wouldn’t be healthy.) You’ll have to move your life forward now or next year or in three years or five years or ten years. When would be the right time? Seize this opportunity. You’re there already. It does get better.
My experience is a bit different. I went to community college for three years prior to transferring to university while I lived in California and I got an apartment since I couldn’t live in the dorms since freshman got priority over juniors for dorm rooms.
Still, I moved into an apartment complex and never having left home prior to that, I was scared my first week or two because I didn’t know anyone and I’ve never been that far away from my parents before. Something that helped immensely was cultivating friendships throughout my first year there and that slowly made things better. It was very heavy-handed at first but time should eventually sever your strong attachment to your parents.
As an introvert, I made a lot of friendships that were mostly study-buddy type and I spent a lot of time studying in the library alongside these people because they were also serious about school. At my school, there wasn’t any real time to slack off to go have fun or whatever other than the weekends and I mostly spent my weekends drinking beer and playing video games or catching up on laundry and homework. I still spent a good amount of time on the computer and had kept in touch with many people that I wished to remain in touch with over the years.That also helped me when it came to feelings of loneliness.
Please read this: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html
You came here asking for advice. So here it is: Pull yourself together and give things a chance. Stop thinking that this is some final thing. You will see your mom and your dog again, and sooner than you think. You need to stop wallowing in misery and get out of the dorm room. Go to the campus counseling center and make an appointment immediately to see a counselor. Keep the appointment. You are not alone in feeling this way, and you will get through it.
My son an introvert didn’t go to the freshman events the first day or so and it was more sad to us then him. We didn’t realize that he needed not to go. He did manage to walk around and check out clubs etc. He ate alone… Again sad to us not him. He was fine. He couldn’t find a club he liked, met a kid at a meet-up event he was interested in and formed a group. Now is a leader of that group and people come up to him… He’s getting out of being an introvert and has really changed. Your situation is under your control and no one else’s. You mom and dog can’t step in for you here. Get the help you need as suggested. Many kids are in the same boat. Sooooo… Try to meet those kids and others. There are probably meet ups, clubs etc for introverted type people. Search your school. Also what do you like to do or study. There is most likely a club or event for that at your school. Go to that! If you see someone eating alone. Go sit with that person and say hi,ask them about themselves like where do they live and what are they going to study. Everyone is in the same boat and everyone wants to meet someone new.
Also join study groups. This will be hard for you but just do it. It will force you to be with other people.
Go find your RA and talk. My DD is an RA, an introvert and struggles with anxiety. RAs have been trained to help you navigate this time and/or point you to the resources needed to help you settle in. However, you need to do your part and make the decision to reach out. You can do this.
I’m exactly the same as you. I cried for two weeks straight. By the third week, I’ve started to feel a little better. I can now think about home without bursting into tears. I know it sucks, but the only thing that’s going to make things better is time. I want you to know you’re not alone, and I’m glad to know I’m not alone either. As hopeless as it make seem now, it will get better. Just wait. Calling home helps, too, and visiting home if you can.
OP, how’s it going?
Depending on how you know me IRL, you may think I’m pretty quiet and introverted or that I’m the super social type. The reality is that I’m pretty introverted naturally, but I have spent a lot of time, especially when I was your age, working on being more outgoing and social.
As someone who it does not come naturally to, I have found it helpful to have a list of ice breaker questions in my head when I go into a situation where a will be meeting a bunch of new people (which at this stage of your life is everyday). A few are:
Where are you from?
What’s your major?
Which dorm are you in?
Do you have brothers/sisters?
How old/do they go to school here/what do they do?
Did you go to the football game last night?
Did you bring a car to college?
Have you joined any organizations yet?
I’m sure you can think of many more, and some of these won’t be on your list. Try to think of questions that may lead you to find a common interest.