<p>I’m glad you’re excited about attending the top 30 program and living closer to home. There’s no doubt that two hours is an easier drive than five hours.</p>
<p>BUT . . .</p>
<p>Listen to RacinReaver. Make sure you and your parents understand the time commitment of a graduate student. While you will have free time, it will come in spurts and not always at a time convenient for your parents. My husband and I recently had to change our plans for an overnight visit (yes, a five hour drive each way) with our daughter because she had an exam and two presentations the following week. She knew that she could not spare the time to spend with us. Instead, we had to pick a different weekend.</p>
<p>That’s not to say that she doesn’t have free time, only that she can rarely afford to give up an entire weekend.</p>
<p>It seems appropriate in this thread to trot out an old saw that was near-ubiquitous when my parents were young parents, but I don’t see mentioned much anymore.</p>
<p>Khalil Gibran, On Children</p>
<p>Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.</p>
<p>You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.</p>
<p>You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.</p>
<p>I’m not the world’s biggest Gibran fan, but I have always liked this poem a lot, even as a parent myself. I’m sure it has never changed anyone’s mind about how to behave, but it represents a nice statement of a far different conception of what it means to be a parent than the OP and his/her parents apparently have.</p>
<p>Here is just another thought…If you are 5 hours away, it´s much easier to tell them why you couldn´t come home every weekend. They could accept it from day one (and possiblely with ONE big fight). If you are 2 hours away, the expectation maybe different, and you could possibly have a “fight” with them every weekend about why you couldn´t be home all the time. As other posters have have said, it maybe unlikely you would have that much free time, whether you are at a top 10 or top 30.</p>
<p>For UG, I lived 2 hours away. My parents could make a day trip and that was enough. They came for lunch and stayed for dinner. It was okay… it just meant that I had to work before and after!</p>
<p>For Grad, I lived 5 hours away. My dad wanted to come when he wanted to but based on my reading loads and papers, I gave him only TWO or THREE weekend choices. That’s it. If he couldn’t come during any of those, he wasn’t going to come, period. He wasn’t overly happy but shifted his schedule. I emphasized from the start how important my graduate work was. Reality sometimes don’t hit parents until you give them your schedule and you STICK by your words. If you have to tell them what you have to do, do so to illustrate your point.</p>
<p>You may want to avoid conflicts with your parents but it’s only enabling them and it may get worse down the road. You aren’t going to have a lot of choices of where you can find a job. </p>
<p>Hang up the phone and shut off your e-mail. When they see that life still goes on when you limit your communication (as you will in graduate school because you’ll be quite busy to talk more than 15 minutes), they will step back and let you live your life.</p>
<p>I’ve known adults who let their parents manipulate them when they were growing up, in their twenties, and making life choices. Now these adults completely regret it and wished that they had stood up a lot earlier. They now don’t have the best relationships with their parents because they just waited too long to make a stand and give their parents time to adjust to the idea of their children being adults and independent. Now their parents are mad because they just got so comfortable controlling their children’s lives.</p>
<p>I’d still urge you to keep exploring the option of attending the top 10 if you can. I really hope that YOU can give yourself the best education and opportunities possible.</p>
<p>My parents have said today that I can go wherever I want and they will support me. They have not done more guilt tripping and they apologized. I am however being bribed by top 30 with an ultra-mega-stipend and my parents withe a boat which I will refuse (the boat). I’m going to top 30. It’s my own decision, I’m very happy, and I’m confident I’ll do well there.</p>
<p>The OP in the thread was inquiring about how bad it’d look to take the admission to the Top 10, gets positive feedback throughout the thread that it’s perfectly fine, gets just about 0 advice otherwise to attend Top 30, and ends up choosing to go to the school that none of us really recommended.</p>
<p>I know it’s your choice, but why ask for advice if you’re doggedly looking for reaffirmation for the choice you already regret? If you’re not ■■■■■■■■, there are some major issues that need to be worked with at an individual and family level.</p>
<p>Actually, my thoughts exactly Oyama. Thought I was being cynical so I did not say anything. Also the parents suddenly go from super psycho to compliant and understanding?</p>
<p>I thought I was being insensitive for sensing something was a little off here, but I guess I’m not the only one. Something just seems funny.</p>
<p>I’m not sure what’s going on, whether GooGoo is even real or if it’s ■■■■■■■■, but if your situation is as you described, then regardless of where you attend I wish you happiness and success with your family.</p>
<p>OT, kinda: I’ve never understood the motivation for ■■■■■■■■. For “entertainment,” it’s a lot of work and speaks to not much going on in one’s life.</p>
<p>^^ My parents talked to another adult they respect and changed their position abruptly (to something I would expect from them) and apologized.
Excellent!
I hope you can [ again] get into the top 10 program.
Never let your parents try to control your future again.</p>