I miss my family very much when I am at college. I often cry just because of this issue. I know it’s common to miss your family, but my feelings toward my family can’t be express with words. Back at home, whenever I reach home, I have a sister to talk to, no matter it’s a joke or something important. We share everything before going to bed when the lights are off. But now at college, I have a roommate, but the feeling is totally different. My mum always does everything for me (you can say that I am a mama boy), but now I have to manage everything myself, I think of my mum when she does everything for me. She is the best mum one could ever wish for. I often help my dad to repair something or even with this work. I miss those time very much. He always encourage me to be better than him and to be brave when I am alone. But I am very useless, I have a very serious homesick problem and I miss them more than anything else. I went home after first day of orientation because I miss my family and I have to skip second day of orientation. I know my parents are very disappointed at me as they wanted me to attend the second day of orientation, but I don’t know how to tell them. I really don’t know how to survive 5 days at college without seeing my parents. It is really hard for me. I always cry alone before going to bed because I can’t get to spend the same amount of time with them again. I only get to see them 2/3 days per week unlike last time. I always make myself busy when I am at college so that I won’t think of them, but my class sometimes finishes at 2 and it’s a long period until the next day. It’s always the toughest time for me as I will think of them for anything I saw. When I wake up and prepare for my breakfast, I think of my mum and my tears will simply roll down from my cheeks. When I spend, I will think of my dad and I will cry again. He sacrifices a lot in order to pay for my tuition fee. I think of them all the time and I wish that they are by my side all the time. I know that I am very useless but I myself don’t want this to happen. I also wish that I can concentrate on my studies and stop missing my family but I can’t control myself. I really don’t know what to do. I am very scared. I thought of quiting my course but I can’t do it. Why all my friends can face this but not me. I really hate myself for being this useless. Am I suffering from depression?
You may be suffering from depression. Go to the College Counseling office at your college and talk to them. they may refer you to a psychiatrist.
In the US, college is often a step to independence. You say your mother used to do everything for you…but as an adult, you will have to do things for yourself. I made sure that my kids knew how to cook some meals, do their laundry, take care of banking, etc before they left for college. You are suddenly having to do those things.
Your parents wanted you to go to orientation because that is when you learn about college and start making some friends. By not going, you were sabotaging this.
Seek out some help because you could have depression. Going away to college is hard and I also had a homesick child. She thought about transferring closer to home but she stuck it out the first year and than re-grouped during summer time. She is now in her second year and Is doing much better. Everyone is different and adjusts differently to college so take it one day at a time and go talk to your college counselor for some advice on resources to help you emotionally.
So, not to be insensitive but do you have any goals for the future?
Do you plan to ever make your own meals, do your laundry, make new friends??
Do you plan to live for the rest of your life with your mother, father and sister? Having your family do everything for you?
If so, why did you bother to go to college? If you are not ready to be away from your family, for even a day, you are not mentally ready for a university and should not be there without some serious counseling.
Until your issue improves, you may want to consider pursuing an on-line degree. No need to waste time & money if you risk doing poorly in your courses.
If it is depression, then this is not applicable at all. You don’t choose to be depressed. Even if it’s just plain loneliness/homesickness, nobody chooses to feel that either. There’s no snapping out of it by simply deciding to be more independent.
^This child needs some counseling which I did mention. Right now he is having some serious separation anxiety issues that he has to work through and does not mention any goals other than suffering and returning home to his/her family.
Part of becoming an independent adult is learning to manage your own things by yourself. In freshman year the transition is difficult because it is a big change from living with your parents fulltime to living on your own in college.
Eventually you have to learn how to do things yourself and also take care of yourself. I would not recommend going home every weekend but actually getting more involved in school and meeting new people. I am sure your parents worked hard and made many sacrifices to give you this opportunity so you should make the most of it and work on your personal and career goals. The best gift you can give to your parents is learning how to live on your own, do well in school and show them that you are responsible and can take good care of yourself.
Having the opportunity to go away to college is truly a gift that not every student has to opportunity to experience. Please get involved in school and make the most of these four years. It is ok to miss your parents but if this is interfering with your ability to focus on your classes you should definitely go for counseling.
You want to graduate college with life skills and need to learn how to get along with all kinds of people outside your family. In summer you may get a job or internship that is not even in the same city or after graduation you may have to move to another location for a job. Now is the time to focus on your studies to make a better future for yourself. Become financially independent and street smart so that your parents don’t have to worry about you and if needed you are in a situation where you are able to help them as they get older. Eventually you will be responsible for providing and taking care of your own family so learning life skills is very important.
College is a time to get out of your comfort zone and try new things. There is so much to explore and experience. Please don’t take this opportunity for granted. Your parents are there and you can always talk to them on the phone but keep in mind if the feel you are sad all the time they are only going to worry more about you and being too dependent is also unhealthy and prohibits us from growing as a person.
Try to branch out of your comfort zone and if you are still unhappy at the end of the semester see if transferring to college where you can live at home is a possibility. Even if you do that keep in mind eventually one day you will have to learn to live on your own. You can’t expect parents to handle your daily tasks for you forever.
I disagree with the above post.
Go home. Seek counseling in a comfortable environment. One step at a time. Consider online courses while at home. Do not waste money & risk poor grades .
Aunt bea, don’t you think that I don’t want that to happen? Not saying that I can’t make my own meal, but doing so make me think of my parents who did that for me last time. I really don’t know what to do when I leave my family. Of course I have my goals but I can’t leave my family. I think I have severe separation anxiety disorder or depression.
@publisher OP is free to do as they wish. All I am saying is to think carefully before making any drastic decision.
Many freshman take time to adjust to a college setting and it is understandable to feel homesick. If they want to go home that is fine but they need to realize one day they will need to learn to live outside of the comfort of their immediate family.
America has a serious problem in that children are encouraged to leave home and their families at 18, and are considered “weird” or “abnormal” if they find they aren’t ready for that.
It’s great to branch out and find some independence, but if you’re not ready, that’s okay too. Go home, take some online classes, maybe go to therapy, and work towards whatever goals you have.
As this generation of young adults gets older, they’ll begin to have some serious regrets about not spending more time with their families when they had the chance. It’s okay to wait a few years and spend time with the people who matter while you figure out where you’re headed next. Do what’s comfortable for you. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself.