I know a lot of these are on here, so I apologize in advance.
I’ve been at my school for a little over a week, and all I want to do is cry and sleep. It’s not that I’m having trouble handling being independent or having responsibilities, because I’ve been handling both of those for years just fine. It’s that I miss my family so much that it hurts. I can’t think about them without crying, or go on a walk without wishing my dad were there to walk with me. I can’t see a kid without thinking about how much of my younger brother’s life I’m going to miss seeing. I miss everything about home. I miss going to the grocery store with my dad, watching TV shows with my parents, talking with my mom, walking the dog with my brothers, family game nights, teasing each other. Heck, I even miss arguing with my parents.
I’m not having trouble with friends. I’m rooming with my best friend and have met plenty of wonderful people who I can see myself becoming good friends with. My professors are nice, my campus is gorgeous, I enjoy my classes, and my bed is more comfortable than the one I have at home, but I would give anything to be at home. I’ve even talked to people about it, and I know that I’m far from alone, but nothing helps. At the end of the day, I just feel like this huge part of me is missing and can’t be replaced.
I can count on my fingers how many times I cried between the ages of maybe 4 and 18. In the past week, I’ve cried more times than that. I’ve always had trouble crying, even when I want to, but now it just won’t stop.
I just don’t know what to do.
You are growing up and starting to separate from your family, and it hurts. The reason it hurts is because you know what it is like to be loved on a everyday basis, and now you are forced to get used to not being part of the everyday signs and activities that go with that love. Even though you aren’t with your family right now, the love is still there. It is okay to feel sad and grieve the end of your childhood and everyday family life. There’s no need to fight your feelings, it is a process, not a discrete event. Accept how you feel, cry if you need to. Over time you will adjust and most likely you will gradually start to feel better.
What if I don’t start feeling better, though? It feels like I’m never going to stop feeling like this.
Give it a little time. In all likelihood, you will start to feel better even though you don’t believe it right now. If you are still as miserable as you are right now in two weeks, then seek counseling at the student counseling center. In the meantime, keep busy, keep interacting with your friends, make sure to stay on top of your studies (the main reason you are at college), and be honest with your parents about how you are feeling so that they can support you emotionally.
Your behaviors are normal. It’s gonna hurt for a little bit, but it will make your reunions with the family seem all that more special.
Please remember that your family misses you too, but they are proud of you and have big hopes for you. Do right by them by doing well in school. Call them or text them, but don’t make them feel guilty about being away. Good luck!
