I Need Feedback!!

College Essays
1

<p>Hey guys!</p>

<p>I've made a few post around here now and again...pop my little head and throw in my two cents. But as you may or may not know, I am currently a freshman at East Stroudsburg University and applied as a fall transfer to UPenn and Lehigh University. I'm not your ordinary freshman...I'm one of those guys who graduated a few years back, decided college wasn't for him and chose to work for a living. Needless to say, I woke up, and started at ESU, earning 15 credits with a 3.8 GPA in the Fall 2007 semester. I started as a Pol. Sci. major and still am, but I've begun taking an interest in law. ESU is not all that rigorous (not to brag, but I earned that 3.8 kinda easily) and I wanted to attend a more rigourous university to further prepare myself for law school. I kinda wanna, you know, just get away for awhile. I applied to Lehigh my senior year for Fall 2005 admission ED and got rejected. I got accepted to Temple, but ultimately chose not to go. I was young and stupid and had my tiny, little inexperienced heart set on one school. And here we are, three years later applying to that same school and an even more difficult one. To get down to it...this is my essay for the commonapp; the "Why (enter college name here)..." essay for UPenn. Just substitute the "UPenn's" with "Lehigh's" (well...not exactly) and you got my other one. It's funny because both topics I discuss are true at both schools. I know they're in already, but I just need some solace. Here it is:</p>

<p>After high school, I was unsure about the direction I wanted to take my life. I was always a bright individual who enjoyed working hard and achieving success. But as my high school career came to an end, I decided that I did not have the right attitude or the right frame of mind to be successful in college. So I decided to enter the work force. Fortunately, my father owns a hardware store and was willing to take me under his wing and teach me the business.</p>

<p>In the beginning, I was enjoying the experience. I was learning a lot about the industry, about business and to top it all off, I was receiving a handsome paycheck. However, this money did not come easily. Because of a two hour commute each way, my workday often exceeded twelve hours. I had little time for friends and slowly began to realize that my life revolved around my job, a job that I did not like all that much. As the weeks turned into months, and the months into years, I began to second guess my decision not to go to college. After discussing my situation with my parents, I alone made the decision to go back to school. </p>

<p>After returning to school in August 2007, I began to seriously consider a career path. I initially wanted to be a secondary school teacher, but after much research and internal debate, I began to focus my education on law. I understand that admission to law school is competitive and I am aware that stellar grades as well as a degree from a highly selective school are vital to being a successful law school candidate. The University of Pennsylvania offers both a high level of education in a culturally rich metropolis as well as a chance for me to further challenge and prepare myself for the road ahead. Penn’s Law School is world renowned and I am sure that my success in Penn as an undergraduate would well prepare me for life at Penn Law. </p>

<p>As a student as ESU, I played a major role in founding and developing an ESU branch of Orthodox Christian Fellowship, a young adult group that focuses on forming friendships and helping the community through our Christian faith. As a member, I organized several community service events and helped arrange trips to Boston and Chicago. In November 2007, I was elected Treasurer of ESU's OCF and hold the position to the current day.</p>

<p>In January of 2008, I began hosting a conservative political talk show on East Stroudsburg University’s radio station 90.3 WESS. I believe we are living in critical times and it is important for people to know the steps we are making as a nation. After just three episodes, there was an array of student feedback, most of it being positive. The negative feedback was by those who, in my opinion, just simply do not understand. I have been told by many that their own opinions have begun to change, in part because of listening to me. </p>

<p>As a student at University of Pennsylvania, I intend to become an active participant in the school’s joint OCF group with Temple University. I am already well acquainted with many of the members and feel that I would be able to help Penn’s OCF largely because of my ambition and willingness to bring people together. I am quite an outspoken gentleman and I am never too shy to express my opinions while simultaneously respecting the opinions of others. I am unaware of Penn’s OCF standing within the eyes of the school, but I have the experience necessary to attract new people to the organization and am prepared to take on the challenge of having the group become recognized and approved. As for my radio program, I understand that Penn has quite a successful radio station itself. Politics is what I enjoy talking about. It gets me excited and I feel that being part of that movement is special. I am blunt, honest and truthful when it comes to the issues and I enjoy having a radio program to voice my opinions. As a student at Penn, I plan to participate at the radio station and hope to eventually have my own show. In combination with a rigorous education, I believe that these two opportunities are essential in my desire to attend the University of Pennsylvania. </p>

<p>Oh yeah...I GOT 2 REALLY GOOD RECS! (no seriously...i mean it...they're good. No, I'm not just saying that!)
feedback?</p>

2

<p>here's another one (sorry ) for the Penn supplement...i think. </p>

<p>Being a part of a political movement, or any movement, gives one a great sense of pride. To be part of a group where the goals, ideas and philosophies are the same throughout can be groundbreaking because of something called “collective action.” Collective action is pretty self explanatory – a group of people trying to achieve a certain goal that they would not otherwise be able to achieve on their own. With this action comes a requirement for the knowledge of how to achieve these goals. The average study of political science does not address the “how to’s” of politics. Normally, one would have to venture outside the realm of the average political science curriculum and engage themselves in disciplines such as philosophy and economics to fully understand the process and role of politics. </p>

<p>Luckily, the University of Pennsylvania has a state of the art program that allows students to engage themselves infinitely throughout the aforementioned disciplines. No longer does one have to limit themselves to standard “American Government” classes, or the all exciting “International Relations.” The Philosophy, Politics and Economics program gives students the opportunity to take classes such as “Law and Economics” and “Economic Analysis of Law” that discuss the elements of the law and how they pertain to the economy. More analytical courses such as “Natural Justice” further detail the norms of justice in legal proceedings, giving those who are interested in the field of law, like myself, an opportunity to explore the topic before we commit ourselves fully to a career. </p>

<p>Recently, I have begun to take interest in the practice of law. Our Founding Fathers wrote a constitution that granted we the people certain rights while limiting those of the Federal Government. When the average citizen, who is aiming to lead a successful and productive life, is suddenly faced with an accusation or denied their individual rights, who will be their voice when they use their right to remain silent? The founders of this country knew that the only way for these rights to solely belong to the people, there must be a set structure and way of defending those rights. That is where the role of a lawyer comes in. The rigorous education and countless hours spent learning the law is what makes lawyers a valuable commodity. Becoming a lawyer is not easy. If it was, then the majority of the population would be writing legal briefs instead of unfunny e-mail jokes. </p>

<p>Because the demands of becoming a lawyer are so numerous, it takes a certain preparation to be successful. The three years of law school are full of case studies and mock trials that are completed at an unprecedented level of competitiveness. I believe that the only way to be successful in such a stressful environment is to have already lived in that environment. At East Stroudsburg University, I felt as though I was not being challenged enough. As I became more serious about law, I realized that I cannot possibly be successful then if I am not being challenged now. That is why I hold Penn in such high esteem. Along with being a highly ranked undergraduate university, Penn also has one of the finest law institutions in the nation. As a prospective law student, I am aware of the demands that schools like Penn request. And I truly believe that as a Penn student, I will be exponentially more prepared to take on the rigor of a law school curriculum than a student from a less competitive university.</p>

3

<p>What do you mean by "solace"? Are you saying your essay need a hug? =P</p>

4

<p>nah...i'm saying I need some alleviation of stress or discomfort (i think that's what the dictionary said) lol :)</p>