<p>I have just gotten accepted to Humboldt State University and my mom is against me going there. She tells me really mean things about how humboldt is a crappy school and compares it to community colleges. This saddens me because this is the university I really want to go to. Me and a group of my friends(including my boyfriend of 2 years) are planning to go there as a group so it wouldn't be so difficult for us to accommodate. We had gotten the idea to do this from the "Posse" scholarship.
My mom is against me going to this school because, she claims, she doesn't want me and my boyfriend to be together. I explained to her that I don't want to go that school because of him. I want to go there because they have what I want to study plus much more. I have already gotten accepted while my boyfriend hasn't. And ive made my decision to go there. My mom has said really hurtful things such as not considering me a part of the family, never talking to me, sabotaging my chance of going if I do go there.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to be controlled by her any longer which is why I want to go to college and learn to be on my own. But I can't do it if I don't have my mothers support. How can I convince my mom to accepting me going to humboldt with out losing her?</p>
<p>Repost on the Parents forum. Your situation isn’t uncommon. Your mom has fears and concerns and is trying to get you to see them. Are some legitimate? Likely. You’ll get good advice in the parents’ forum</p>
<p>“She tells me really mean things about how humboldt is a crappy school and compares it to community colleges.” Its NOT a crappy school.
is this because she had “higher hopes” for you, i.e. more elite colleges? Have you applied to other colleges too? If so, there is a long time between now and May 1st, when you HAVE to decide where you’re going to college. so calm down and just tell your mom you’re glad and relieved that you WILL in fact be going to college ,[ hopefully she wont be a pill about that relatively harmless positive remark] and wait and see what other acceptances roll in between now and April 1. You may be surprised how much your thinking may change[ not saying it will, but when my son was a senior he was soooooooo sure he wanted to go to a small LAC. He ended up at a Big U, for many great reasons]. Congrats on the early acceptance!</p>
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<p>Do you mean financial support? Where else have you applied, and which colleges is she supportive of?</p>
<p>Yes I have applied to UC’s but they don’t really interest me because none of them but one has the major I’m looking for. My mom has always pushed me to to good in school and I get good grades. I’m an AP and honors student but UC’s and privates are just not for me. Thank you for the advice. I just don’t want my mom to “disown” me.</p>
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<p>Unfortunately, unless you are financially independent (which it doesn’t sound like you are or could be in short order), then your mother will wield control over you if you need her to pay for your schooling. </p>
<p>I suspect that she is worried that you are selling yourself short by choosing Humboldt because of the boyfriend. It’s up to you to convince her that Humboldt is the best place for you.</p>
<p>Also, what major does Humboldt have that other schools don’t have? I’m sure there are plenty, but what specifically are you planning to study?</p>
<p>I’m very curious as to why UC’s are not for you? You said you have applied to them. Which ones have you applied to, specifically, and how did you choose which one(s) to apply to if none of them is “for you?” And privates? How on earth can you possibly say that NO private school is “for you” when there are literally THOUSANDS of them out there.</p>
<p>I realize that you very much want to go to Humboldt State. I’m very unclear as to why this is the case. But every single year there are kids who want desperately to go to schools that for whatever reason they can’t attend. Maybe they don’t have the stats to get in. Maybe they can’t afford it. Maybe a parent gets sick and they have to stay home to care for him or her. Maybe they don’t get in and they don’t have a clue as to why. But those same kids eventually end up going somewhere and getting a great education, and EVERY YEAR we read how happy they are that things worked out the way they did. </p>
<p>I know you want to go to Humboldt. But you MIGHT not be able to go there. If you can’t, for whatever the reason is, you still get to go to college. Humboldt might be the very best possible school for you. Or maybe not. But I guarantee it’s not the ONLY great school for you. </p>
<p>The world really is unlimited for you right now. Don’t put artificial limits on it just to prove a point. Explore the options you have instead of focusing on the ones you don’t have. If you were a different kid, I’d be saying, maybe you can’t go to Harvard. But maybe you CAN go to Princeton, or Brown, or U Mich, or Pitt or NYU. Take advantage of the options you DO have!</p>
<p>I think you are in a tough position: you need your mom to financially make it possible but you also want to be on your own and make your own choices. I think you’ll find you can not have both in this case. I imagine your mom wants to fund the best possible education you can get, for you, and it sounds like you are looking for the best possible fun situation to live in.</p>
<p>I’m not even convinced of the reason you want to go there, and I’m not the one footing the bill. But what I see is first and foremost you want to go with your group…and after the fact you just happen to notice they have exactly what you want there. You told us all about your boyfriend and group plan, and it sure sounds like a blast! But nothing at all about what that school offers you in terms of a unique educational environment that happens to fit your needs far better than others. As such, I am not at all convinced of your reasons to go there.</p>
<p>But I also don’t know your abilities and where else you have applied and will get accepted. I read about this university this summer when we happened to be in the area. It looked great, but the more I read the less impressed I was (from my vantage point, of universities I teach at and the kind of schools my kids and their friends could get into and the kind of education they have had so far). This might be a fabulous school for some, but not of the right calibre or fit for those who could be challenged much more in a different kind of educational environment. No doubt you will find parents and students on CC that can say great things about this university (I have found that to be true of every university). But it really depends on the student and their other options (which we don’t know about but your mom sure does!).</p>
<p>Your mom knows you well, she’s worrying about your long term interests, she most definitely has your best interests at heart, and at the end of the day, I think if she’s paying for it, she does get to say what she will pay for (and I am not usually one to agree with this stance but in your case I really do see her point in your case).</p>
<p>Adding to what I wrote before: I think its even odd you still aren’t telling us about thsi special major that is only available at Humboldt nor why the other colleges or privates ‘just are not for you’ (which strongly suggests you really don’t have good reasons or you’d be sharing them). And just maybe you don’t even want us pointing out how you can get the same major or features at these other universities that appeal to your mom. </p>
<p>Keep in mind too that many if not the majority if students change majors. Also often lower tier schools offer majors that sound more specialized, hands on and exciting, but specialization can also lower your job prospects than a more traditional and broader major. Thus while Humboldt might offer say “Critical Race, Gender & Sexuality Studies” you would likely get as much, if not more, from majoring simply in “Sociology”; or they might offer “fisheries biology” when you’d have more options with a straight up degree in “biology”. </p>
<p>Methinks if it wasn’t for your group and your boyfriend, you’d not be having this fight with your mom.</p>
<p>I can see your mom’s point. If you are going to college with a group of high school friends, it sets up the initial experience (at least) to be limiting socially to those you already know…for example, my D went to a college where she knew no one…by the end of the first week, she had all sorts of new friends from other places…and expanded her social circle considerably.</p>
<p>That would be my hesitation.</p>
<p>"…My mom has said really hurtful things such as not considering me a part of the family, never talking to me, sabotaging my chance of going if I do go there. …"</p>
<p>This is absolutely over the top. If this has been a pattern, there might be bigger emotional/psychological problems here.</p>
<p>I would ask your mom again how she feels if your boyfriend doesn’t go there. Is she really still <em>that</em> against it? (If so, it isn’t the boyfriend.)</p>
<p>Maybe the two of you could visit and she could talk to the head of your major? She might end up impressed with that particular department.</p>
<p>You haven’t been smoking a lot of marijuana, have you? Because if that has been an issue, that could be what your mom objects to, since it grows so abundantly in the area.</p>
<p>Like the others, I do suggest you keep an open mind at this point and see how it all unfolds - you never know. Also, try to keep the dialogue with your mom on a rational and courteous level and she might not stay so close-minded about it.</p>
<p>[By the way, OP, this part of my previous post “have you?” is NOT a real question. I’m not asking you this, just imagining a reason a parent might object to their kid going to this particular region.]</p>
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<p>Although this is true, I don’t know if it is necessarily something that families need to make an effort to avoid.</p>
<p>After all, large numbers of people go to state universities where they already know many people from their high schools, in some instances including their closest friends. And it seems to work out.</p>
<p>I think that a lot of people – including parents – have a mental picture of what the “classic” college experience should be like, and it includes not knowing anyone when you arrive and making a whole new group of friends. But students can have a good experience at college even if it doesn’t fit the standard picture of what that experience should be like.</p>
<p>^ Yes, students often know many people if they are going to a state school. But this young lady, her boyfriend, and friends are putting the cart before the horse in saying let’s all choose a school to go to together to ensure we assimilate to college more easily, as opposed to individually choosing a university based on it’s own merits for their personal future goals and then finding that several of their classmates have also chosen the same university. To a parent who has just gone through the college selection process with their student it is a major difference.</p>
<p>dns - Your mom’s words are harsh and an unacceptable way to express her very real concern for the way you appear to be selecting your university. Don’t let her poor delivery cloud the message that selecting a university based on a group vote is a very immature thing to do and does not serve your best interest as an individual. There is nothing wrong with going to school where you know people when you are choosing the most appropriate university for your own personal needs and goals. It sounds like your mom is concerned that’s not your primary focus in choosing this school.</p>
<p>Tell her that her words are very hurtful to you and that you want to listen and communicate in an environment where you are both calm…then be willing to listen.</p>
<p>DNS…</p>
<p>Is your mom an immigrant?</p>
<p>What are your stats?</p>
<p>What is your intended major?</p>
<p>Who will be paying for your college costs?</p>