<p>Hi parents,
I'm looking for some advice on a situation I have recently gotten into. My own mom is a little too emotional about the situation (protective of me I suppose), so I'm looking for a rational point of view. </p>
<p>My english teacher this year is a friend of the family, also very good friends with my sister (they hang out on a regular basis when my sister is home). I am not really close to her, but I have gotten to know her a little this year. When it came time to write my essays for applications, I thought it would be perfect to ask her to help me. Several weeks before I finished my first essay, I approached her and asked if it would be okay if I brought in essays for her to review. She agreed, and said it would be no problem. Then, a few weeks ago, I began to prepare my first essay, which I brought into her about a week before it was due (I probably should have had it earlier, but I was quite busy at the time). During that week, we went through about four different drafts and she helped me a lot, which I was very appreciative of. Today, a month later, I brought her a second essay, and when I began to say that I had brought it in, she stopped me and exclaimed, "Holy crap! You're killing me with this, I don't have time!". Now, I have to mention that she is a very "student-like" teacher, very friendly with her students so the way she was speaking was not very out of character, but I was really shocked that she would be so outright... refusing to me. I feel terrible now, like I have imposed on her or taken up too much of her time. I'm not really sure what to do, but I almost feel like I should maybe apologize? I keep on thinking back to how I dealt with the first essay, and I don't think I had any unreasonable requests and I didn't ever demand that she review my essay as many times as she did during that week. I am confused, and embarassed, because I am unsure whether I acted inappropriately. My mom is really upset and says that it was very rude of her to say that to me, but I feel like if she said it, then she must be justified. Does anybody have any advice? Should I apologize? I do not plan to ask her again for help on the essays, I am looking for other resources right now. I'd appreciate it if anyone had any input!</p>
<p>I think you probably crossed the line without meaning to. I would suggest that asking for help with one essay was fine, but that two must have seemed never-ending to her. </p>
<p>How to go forward? 1) apologize for the misunderstanding (she should, too, but that really doesn't matter at this point), 2) ask for her help in identifying resources, and 3) recognize that very few people are willing to look at more than one draft of an essay. I did it for my daughter--but she's related to me!</p>
<p>I think asking her to review 4 drafts was a bit excessive. If someone asked me to review an essay I'd think they'd bring me a polished work and I'd make comments that they'd go off and incorporate. You went back to the well 3 times after that. Unintentional I'm sure. But enough is enough. She probably forsaw another 4 essays to read, hence her comment.</p>
<p>While her choice of language was not appropriate for a student/teacher professional interaction, given the family relationship and what you say of how she relates to people I think it was just her spontaneous and honest feeling. Once she helped you with the 1st draft and you came back again and again she probably thought she couldn't tell you to finish it on your own, but her reaction now clearly shows she's not going down that road again. And I don't think any other teacher would want to, either.</p>
<p>What to do now. 1) don't apologize at this point. While you shouldn't have asked her to review 4 drafts, that's over and done. Lesson learned. Bringing it up again just reopens the issue. Sometime later, and I'm thinking maybe next year when all apps are done and submitted, you might express regret at leaning on her a bit too much. But not now! A common response to an apology is to minimize the issue; eg. "oh, no, it wasn't too much," or "don't worry about it". She can't say anything like that right now because you might turn around and whip out another essay! Wait until there's no chance you can ask her to review another essay before you apologize. </p>
<p>2) if you're looking for others to help, don't approach them with your 1st draft. Or even your 2nd or 3rd. Asking someone to review a college essay means comment on where it doesn't flow smoothly, make suggestions for minor rewrites, and the like. You're expected to have given it some thought, planned it out, and written several drafts before you get it reviewed. That's different than asking someone to guide you in the whole process, and I don't think too many teachers are going to sign up for that.</p>
<p>I see now where she probably thought this was going. However, I have to note that I did not expect the four drafts scenario to happen at all in the first place - I originally brought her my essay, and she marked it up and I then brought her the second draft, and it went on from there. Was that inappropriate? If it was, I didn't even realize! I suppose I was expecting too much of her, now I realize that. Thank you very much for your advice, dmd77 and mikemac,</p>
<p>I have one daughter in college and my son is a HS senior this yr and the way we did it was to spread the load around to several teachers. But, my kids spoke to them up front that if they did not have to time or willingness to devote to the process he will get another teacher to help. Now, your teacher, esp an English teacher and family friend, definitely should have been willing to provide whatever assistance you required, and if not, she should have informed you of that. Regardless, if she is a "student-friendly" teacher, she must present herself as a professional at all times. Her actions have basically caused you even more stress in this already stressfull college application season. You do not need to apologize to her, she should apologize to you. Put this behind you and find other teachers to assist. You have way more vital things to do than worry about inexperienced educator.</p>
<p>I agree with APSDAD's approach. I would (and will) suggest that you don't worry about it, but I know you will. Still, you didn't do anything wrong - you thought this was the process she expected. Had she expected differently, an experienced professional teacher would have guided you in the process she envisioned - one review only, final draft review only or whatever.</p>
<p>You seem right on target to me in your plan to find other resources. I would NOT follow the suggestion of a previous poster that you ask this teacher to recommend other reviewers. You can select on your own (you can even come here, as many students do). I WOULD suggest that you be sure to thank her, with a written note, if you haven't already. I would make no reference to the snafu, just how appreciative you are of all the time she spent.</p>
<p>This teacher is very inexperienced and she will grow into better handling of such situations. It was her, not you, who mis-handled things.</p>
<p>I'm not really sure what I am going to do, I suppose I will see if she says anything to me in class on Thursday... if she doesn't I might apologize. I have to think about it, but right now I have to forget it and concentrate on all the other work... in the meantime I'm going to ask the career/college expert at my school to help me (though she scares me a little) as it is my only option!</p>
<p>You have to think if she reviewed 4 drafts of yours, and she's an English teacher, she may have done this for lots of other kids, which equals a lot of time. </p>
<p>My suggestion...don't bring it up, forget it. It won't seem so major in a few days. And find someone else to help, doesn't have to be a teacher. </p>
<p>In my son's AP English class everyone read their essays aloud and received criticism that way...I like that.</p>
<p>Ah, good things.
Tonight was Parent/Teacher Conferences, and as part of NHS I was directing parents around. A friend and I stopped in the teacher's room to say hi, where we proceeded to have a long talk where she totally apologized and explained the immense amount of stress on her. I fel a thousand times better, and she actually asked me to show her the essay, but I think I am going to work on it with the college expert in the school first, then bring it to her for a final proofread, as I don't want a repeat experience or to cause a burden or anything. Things are good now, thank you so much for all the advice!</p>
<p>Better idea. I probably wouldn't have asked her to look at the essay more than once. You asked for input and she gave it the first time. I would imagine that correcting and reworking four times was not what she expected...leave that for your parents, trusted friend or the writing lab.</p>
<p>But IMO it was up to the teacher to indicate what the limits or parameters of her help were. The second time the OP showed up, the teacher ought to have said that she only edits one draft per person or per essay or whatever it is--and perhaps "I'll look at this draft now that you are here, but this will be the last time."</p>
<p>Is this AP English? My D has been working on her essay with her English teacher for over a year, but she has had the same teacher for AP Eng Comp and now AP Eng Lit, and the college essay work is built into the class structure. That is obviously not the norm for Dawn, but this is her ENGLISH teacher for goodness sake! Is this a huge class?</p>