I want to start an honest, mature, and constructive discussion with my father about why I am going to college, what’s his motivation for doing this, and why I have to deal with things he didn’t have to.
For starters, the financial aid package I got before I started my first semester was pretty crap. Still payed nearly tripled the amount on room and board than scholarships offered and already burned through my debit card trying to purchase textbooks despite the undeniably wonderful financial support from relatives. This is exacerbated by the fact that he has never filled the FAFSA, despite him going on as many college visits as I have that encouraged it. I shouldn’t have to remind him to do that when the colleges themselves encourage it. And yet he keeps telling me “don’t worry about the money,” when that’s pretty much the whole point. Thankfully he doesn’t know what “student loans” are. How can I frame the topic of ROI from college into this?
Second is the difference in culture. Y’all know that we grew up in different educational systems and he is still learning about the American system as I am. He never took the SAT or ACT, learned about biology topics in medical school when I learned them in freshman year of biology (you can imagine his face when I told him the word “hemoglobin” never came up once during my pre-AP biology course) and he still makes enough to provide a family of four with food and shelter which I am grateful for. How can I explain to him that times and places are different and the “college experience” is more of a fad than a fact?
Thirdly, and this is probably what you’ve been expecting, is what I want out of my future. I mentioned in a previous post that I was interested in computer programming in part because of the far more favorable ROI in this economy and also because I may not have to leave home as often and break my mother’s heart as often. I often consider myself pragmatic, or “functionality first” and clearly see the value and gratification of cultivating a language of code. If not those, then it will certainly stand me out from the family and to employers. I’m looking toward a coding bootcamp or something of that sort or, even better, free online coding lessons. How can I refine this point? If nothing else, it certainly feels rewarding to research a career on my own instead of following some arbritrary rules.
Should I run these points by a counselor? I want to be sure because I want to take responsibility for my education and want to focus on making my life easier and become less overly dependent on their views and points.
You want to discuss with your dad why you want to go to college. I don’t understand what “his motivation for doing this” means. What’s he doing? And what is “this”?
Is he paying? Or are relatives paying? How did you get FA if he didn’t complete the FAFSA? You completed it? What are the things you are dealing with that he didn’t have to deal with? Tuition?
Why is college a fad? Why do you need to explain what college is to him? I don’t get it. Did he come from a country where no one goes to college, so he doesnt see the need for it?
The third reason is very difficult to decipher. What do you mean by breaking your mother’s heart as much? As much as what? What arbitrary rules? I truly can’t understand what your point is. You’re in college, right? So why do you want to go to a coding boot camp and take free online courses? What is going to make you stand from your family to employers? What are you studying? What???
I am actually wondering what you want to know here. I THINK you are saying “My dad doesn’t understand why college I so expensive, and isn’t sure its worth the money. How do I explain?” Show him some stats about average salaries for people with and without college degrees. And I have no clue what the third reason is about, but if you are talking about salaries for people who go into computer coding, find some stats about that and show him.
I suggest you summarize your original post as much as possible, so it will be clear to others. You will get more specific answers…
If I recall correctly, the OP is a young man whose dad wants him to become a doctor, like Dad is, and he doesn’t want to do that. There is a cultural generation gap because his dad is not native born or educated in America and OP is.
That said, unless your family is absolutely full pay, there is no reason not to file a FAFSA form. Actually, even if you are full pay, some schools require it for merit aid. Perhaps a trusted relative can speak with your dad about that. If you get financial aid, it’s found money and that might appeal to your dad.
As for what you want to do, my advice is just play along. My cousin’s mom wanted him to become a doctor, like her brother. He yearned to be an accountant, like his dad. He took the courses he needed to be able to apply to medical school but also took the business and accounting classes needed to pursue a CPA licensure. He told his mom that the needed to be able to sure he wasn’t being cheated when he had his own medical practice. He was studying for the MCATs while I was studying for the LSAT. I asked him about his plans for med school and he said he wasn’t going. Sure enough, he did so poorly on the MCATs that he didn’t get into any med schools, in the US or abroad. He passed the CPA exam easily and has been an accountant ever since. His mother was so controlling and domineering that I am still not sure where he got the courage to defy her, even surreptitiously. My advice to OP is take the classes to get into medical school (which are not as many as you might think), take the classes you want and practice your coding. If your parents are paying for your education, you may just have to play along. I, on the other hand, put myself through school and when my father demanded that I major in computers, which was programming in those days, I told him off and studied what I wanted to. He felt that computers had the best ROI, but I would rather be terminally unemployed than do computer stuff, and I wanted to be a lawyer, which I became. As a ha ha, perhaps OP would have been happier with my dad than his own!
Please note that while I generally discourage being less than truthful with one’s parents, sometimes one has to do what is best for them and their own future while maintaining the family peace.
It sounds to me like you want to drop out of college (and the pre med program your dad is pushing on you) to take online coding boot camps and you want to use the fact that your mom is (understandably) sad when you go away to college for the semester to do it. I wouldn’t use your mother to get what you want. Putting her in the middle isn’t fair to her.
I’m working toward a masters in computer science, and I don’t believe any boot camp is going to teach you what you can learn in a classroom. There’s a lot of important theory behind the actual programming, and you aren’t going to get that in a boot camp. Do you honestly believe an applicant with boot camp certificates is going to be on equal footing with a student who spent 4 years studying at a regionally accredited university?
I wonder why that never came up in your course. There are study guides for the Pre-AP biology exam all over the internet that include it. Is it possible it was mentioned and you just missed it?
A bootcamp can cost quite a bit of money so I don’t see why it’s better than taking a class when you’re already in college. It’s mostly for people who are already in the workforce and want to learn a new skill. You can start with a free course to figure out if coding is something you really enjoy doing, because if not, you’ll be miserable doing it and also won’t be able to land a well-paying job.