I somewhat started my college app essay PLEASE HELP ME I tend to be horrible at these things!

What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person.

“Daddy worked really hard in order to buy this for you” said my mother, while handing me a small notebook, a pack of two pencils, and a small polyester backpack. I grew up being constantly reminded that even the simplest things in life, such as a pack of pencils, are not always easy to obtain, therefore we should always be grateful for what we have in life. People always comment on how a person’s childhood would shape their life, and in my case, it is nothing but the truth.
As a young kid, my parents, my brother, and I lived in what seemed to be the worst place to live, the city of Reynosa, Tamaulipas. The horribly unpaved roads seemed never-ending, the smell of rotten milk lingering the air. The houses seemed as if they were going to fall apart at any second, yet no one in our neighborhood complained about their situation. My mother was a stay at home mom because my brother and I were too young to take care of ourselves. My father has always been a hard-working man, who would do anything to provide for his family. At the time, my dad had a job where he worked an outrageous number of hours yet was paid an extremely low wage. With this in mind, whenever my dad bought something for us, he would explain how hard he worked to obtain it. Both my parents’ descriptions of how hard my father worked in order for my brother and I to have such simple items like pens and pencils, made an incredibly huge impact on my life, along with the humbleness and such gratitude from my neighbors.
A couple years later, my father was lucky enough to get an incredible job offer, one which helped our family move to the United States and eventually into the beautiful home we now own. Now, a couple years later, I remember my upbringing and I notice how much it has helped me become the person I am today. Today, I am one who appreciates everything, from a small pencil to the privilege of education. I believe that my childhood shaped me to be someone who is eternally grateful for what they have and takes nothing for granted. I learned to appreciate the smaller things in life.
I did not live in the best of places while growing up, I lived in one of the poorest neighborhoods of my city. Growing up surrounded by hard work and happiness has influenced my actions in a positive way. I believe my past has helped me become appreciative of every small blessing that comes into my life and to not take anything for granted. Afterall, they do say that childhood is the base of who a person will become.

WHOA, is this your actual essay? I hope it’s not, because that could lead to some major issues.

I don’t know enough about what adcoms look for to critique your essay itself, but posting it on CC is a very bad idea. It could get stolen by some lurker, or at the very least, if you submit this, it’ll come up on the plagiarism checkers. Which means you’ll effectively be accused of stealing your own essay.

http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/1798605-the-number-1-reason-to-not-post-your-essay-here-plagiarism-checkers-p1.html

We don’t learn anything about YOU until the last paragraph.

Start with that last line, give us two sentences about where you grew up, and then write an essay telling us how you have and will continue to rise above the surroundings that influenced your childhood.