Some financial situations arose during the summer, resulting in having to attend a college that was not even on my top 3 choices. First semester was very depressing. I suffer from social anxiety disorder, so making friends was not easy. I already knew it was going to be a challenge from when I attended orientation. I did not connect with anyone in my group, no matter how hard I tried. I remember having to create a handshake as an ice breaker and the person next to me was acting stuck up and awkward since one of the leaders had to kick her bestfriend out of the room since she does not attend the college. When classes started, I made acquaintances , but was not close to either one of them. They all had differing schedules aside from the specific class and already have their own group of friends. After class, I would either go to the library or back to the dorm room. I got along well with one of my roommates, then we stopped talking as much due to her lying to me about things she would do such as making a mess in the bathroom, but that’s another story. Aside from all this, I still felt close to her because she was the first friend I made there and now she transferred, so I have no other friends. The other roommate was never there. Either in class or hanging with her close friends in the hallway, but we still got along the whole semester. This led to me wanting to join a club, but those I was interested in, I could not join due to the meeting times being the same as my classes. Those times do not change, so I can’t join this semester either. I know this is random but having SAD makes me unable to keep a smile on my face every second of the day. This leads to people telling me to smile more as if I have something to smile about. When this happens, I shut off more and become extra disconnected from others. Plus, it’s not easy to be happy with no friends. I know college is about academic work , but it sucks being sad about a holiday break coming to an end and having to go back to the place I feel depressed. Even my sister could tell through our phone calls how sad I was every day. I drove last semester, so I would often come home every weekend , especially since it was pretty much a ghost town with majority of people leaving. My mom noticed this happening and told me that I need to stay at the university and only come home on the breaks. She will not care about how I socially feel. She surely didn’t in high school. Getting A’s is all that matters to her. I just need to find a way to deal with this loneliness without affecting my mental health, but I do not know how to do so. Please help!
You might consider visiting your campus counseling center to treat your symptoms and work on developing a more positive mindset. You started school with negative feelings and these have colored every aspect of what you describe about your situation. You might find working with a counselor on a more positive approach helpful.
In the meantime, no matter what you do, try to continue to do as well as you can academically. That will keep options open.