<p>I wanted to get some adult input and advice on this (I'm seventeen). My little sister is in the fifth grade at her elementary school and the school hired a new principal this year. The principal changed a lot of the rules that had been in place since even I was attending, and one of these was that she randomly assigned kids where to sit during lunch. Obviously the kids weren't pleased with this, and my sister and a couple friends took the initiative (from the advice of their parents and even their teachers) to write out a petition to return to the free seating. Everyone involved thought it was very well-written and respectful. After the entire grade signed it, she took my sister and her friends into a room and basically told them, "I'm the adult, you're not, end of story." </p>
<p>I honestly wouldn't have cared if it had stopped there, but the next week my sister was "randomly" assigned to sit with a group of only boys. Being 5th graders, they ignored her, and she came home crying. It is actually the principal herself who makes these seating arrangements, and when my sister asked if she could sit with at least one other girl, she was told no. My dad scheduled an appointment with the principal and at the meeting she said she wanted to "prevent another Sandy Hook" and likened it to high-schoolers writing a petition allowing smoking on school grounds; I think these comparisons are both absurd and offensive. Then she said she overheard my sister using the r-word towards another child. This enraged me. My sister is compassionate towards everyone, and has even asked me for advice on how to get her friends to stop using that word. She would never say it to a student. It seems suspicious to me that the principal allegedly overheard this but failed to report it, instead electing to randomly toss it out in a conversation with my father. </p>
<p>Any advice? I know this was long, but my parents are both dealing with heavy personal/work loads and I'm sort of the de-facto parent for my sister. I don't know where to go from here, and it is breaking my heart to watch her come home crying every day from the hostility she is receiving from this principal.</p>
<p>your parents need to contact the principal via email, so that it is documented and insist your sister be seated with some friends for her emotional well being. Sometimes, principals are very “taken” with their authoritarian position and become “black and white” gate keepers, with a narrow administrative view, of their small kingdoms. Yes…I’ve met a few! If nothing is resolved with the principal, I would move up the ladder to the superintendent, especially since this “bullying” seems to have started after a group of students challenged her authority. Bullying is a very hot topic word. Get your parents on it, if your sister is still complaining. Principals do not like having to deal with assertive parents, so make sure the principal knows it is being documented. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, but what an absolute *****. Email her, get your parents to email her. School administrators don’t like to be bothered by parents, but this is a totally legitimate reason to be angry. Get your parents to email the principle. Go to the superintendent of the school for pete’s sake, this is so not okay.</p>
<p>Is there a PTA? If this issue of randomly assigning seats is upsetting other kids, a crowded PTA meeting is a great way to gain support. Even better if you can use your sisters respectful letter. It can be an opportunity to put pressure on the principal in a real way-by those who volunteer and help the school. I know in my DS elementary school the PTA was very influential.</p>
<p>Lets try to put this into perspective here. We are talking about lunch time, even if she didn’t like where she was sitting, I think she could deal with that. Most kids do not sit for a whole hour for lunch. They eat and then they go out to the playground. I do not understand why your sister would come home everyday crying over where she is sitting during lunch time. Your sister’s main contact is her homeroom teacher, not the principal. It is also hard for me to believe that the principal would be gunning for your sister because she started a petition.</p>
<p>^ oldfort, there may be more to the story (obviously I don’t know), but I don’t get why you can’t see that the situation could be upsetting to an elementary school-er? It think it can be very upsetting to feel completely ignored, isolated, and out-of-place. Especially if she was forced to sit there. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but I don’t think you should make judgments that “she could deal with that.” This is a fifth grader we are talking about, not an adult.</p>
<p>oldfort, lunchtime in elementary school is different now, at least at my son’s school. It’s shorter (about 30 minutes) kids can only leave their seat to go up to get food or use the bathroom. They definitely can’t leave the lunchroom to go out to the playground. </p>
<p>I think the principal is acting like a bully and needs to be pushed back. Milkyway’s advice about emailing her is great-then you have documentation of her response (or lack of a response). Keep them polite and respectful.</p>
<p>I think it is highly inappropriate for a principal to treat a student like described. Most kids do not get to go outside during lunch, they have to remain in their seats. No child should be singled out and this is exactly what is happening. Your parents need to be a vocal and strong advocate for your sister, I am afraid they will be more effective than you, although I think your sister is so lucky to have you in her corner.</p>
<p>5th grade is just not what it used to be and the principal seems to be twisting the situation.</p>
<p>I raised 2 kids and I understand the lunch room drama. Usually the big deal is when there is no assigned seat and a kid has no one to sit with. Most of the time lunch room tables are fairly close together, and it wouldn’t be too difficult for kids to lean over to talk to each other.</p>
<p>My kids went to a private school where kids had to sit at assigned seat to eat family style. Food was served to them and they had to converse with each other. They were re-assigned different seats (table) every few weeks because they didn’t want segregation of boys/girls.</p>
<p>Yes, at their school they had playground recess after lunch, but they also had other social activities outside of lunch time. I would imagine OP’s sister school also had recess , study period, gym…to socialize with their friends. </p>
<p>If it is that big of a deal for OP’s sister then I would ask the principal if kids could be re-assigned every few weeks. I do understand why the principal would want to assign seats to kids at lunch time because kids at that age tend to be too cliquey, maybe the principal is just trying to get them to mingle more.</p>
<p>I am not sure how OP’s sister is being singled out. It is a bit dramatic to come home crying everyday over half an hour lunch seating arrangement. There must be something more to this story.</p>
<p>Thanks for the input guys. I’d just like to throw in that she actually doesn’t get recess since she elected to take music classes during that time, and lunch was the only real free time she has at school. And again, she’s 11. I think the main thing upsetting her isn’t just dealing with the thirty minute lunch, she thinks the principal is singling her out and doing these things on purpose. She feels like she’s in trouble when she didn’t mean to cause any harm. We’re definitely trying to get other parents in on this- a lot of them are very outraged as well. One thing I didn’t mention in the original post because my sister hasn’t experienced this herself is that the principal is fond of physically grabbing kids and shoving them where she wants them to go. I really think she is obsessed with exerting power over these students.</p>
<p>Also, I understand the good intentions behind assigned seating, but the reverse is what is happening. My sister and friends of hers are forced to sit among people whom they don’t know and who ignore them. She feels more left out than before.</p>
<p>5th grade is a time when adolescent girls NEED to form strong connections with other girls (or boys, but it’s generally girls). To sever or hinder that connection can be EXTREMELY disruptive to a young girl. Lunch time in elementary schools is often the ONLY time that kids can be together and converse. Recess is non-existent at many schools. </p>
<p>To deprive kids of that bonding time with their friends is just down-right cruel. Period. </p>
<p>OP, your parents need to get involved and fast. This should not be on yours or your sister’s shoulders. Do you know if any other students feel this way? If so, try to get their parents involved as well.</p>
<p>Good luck and best wishes to your little sister. You are a great older sibling to care this much.</p>
<p>I think instead of telling the principal that what he is trying to do is wrong, I would suggest to him to allow each student to have one friend at their table and re-assign every few weeks. It would be a compromise.</p>
<p>Instead of telling your sister that what the principal is doing is wrong or trying to single her out, maybe trying to explain to her why the principal is doing and get her to open her mind a bit. </p>
<p>If I remember correctly, 11-14 years old girls tend to be very mean and cliquey. My older one was an offender (I found out years later). I think the principal is trying to make those kids more accepting of each other.</p>
<p>My older daughter went to our public school for one semester. Lunch time was free for all. Kids could sit where ever they wanted. D1 said bullies would come to some tables and just push other kids off while the lunch monitors were watching and did nothing. It was a big deal who got to sit at the “popular table.” When D1 transferred to a private school, they all sat at assigned table until 6th grade - no drama, everyone got along.</p>
<p>If the facts are as you present them, then I would agree that the uncomfortable seating arrangement forced upon your sister is in retaliation for the petition. This principal sounds a little “off”, and I would definitely get your parents to address it as soon as possible. I don’t like the message that your sister is getting, which is basically don’t speak up or you will suffer. Children should be encouraged to be proactive when they don’t agree with something, as long as it is done in a respectful manner. If it were my own child I would definitely meet with the principal and if the seating arrangement was not changed, I would take the matter further up the line.</p>
<p>Oldfort–and sometimes the principal is just wrong. I’ve seen it happen and it isn’t pretty.
“Suggestions” have more impact in private schools where the principal can get fired by the parents.</p>
<p>If this were my child, I think I would start with the teacher to see if I could get a bigger picture of the situation. My 3 quiet well-behaved children were many times put at tables with the rowdy kids and then penalized for not managing to keep them under control when the teacher herself couldn’t, so I sympathize with the OP’s sister not getting to sit with friends. I just wonder what all else is going on at that school if the principal is making such a to-do about lunch seating assignments and reacts as defensively toward parents with concerns as the OP reported.</p>
<p>At my kids’ private school, the administration didn’t tolerate high maintenance parents. They had too many students who wanted to be there.</p>
<p>I fail to see how the principal is “bullying” OP’s sister. I feel bad she feels the way she does, but it could be just her perception. Even if there is some truth of what OP’s sister is saying, the question is if they should go to head with the principal without anything really concrete, unless they are prepared to move the sister out of the school. I would find ways to smooth this over with the principal and see if the sister could be rotated to another table in few weeks.</p>
<p>oldfort, with all due respect, it sounds like you just don’t have enough experience with public elementary and middle schools to understand the issue here. You’re minimizing this girl’s reaction in spite of the attempts of many posters to explain why the reaction is quite understandable and you’re refusing to contemplate even the possibility that this (new) principal is retaliating against this girl for organizing the petition to restore free seating. Retaliation does happen and placing an 11 year old girl at a table with 11 year old boys and no other girls sounds pretty retaliatory to me.</p>
<p>What I would do: I’d pull in the parents for a meeting and ooze sweetness all over this principal while making the point that you expect that whether or not assigned seating continues that it is done fairly and evenly and that her actions will be watched. Offer to help in any way to make lunch period more manageable for her, the principal. I’d put everything in writing after the fact restating what was said at the meeting so that there is a record. If she continues to act as she has, I’d contact the school superintendent, school board member, PTA president and/or the local press.</p>