<p>Don’t you and your BF go out with friends? Or are you (or he) isolating yourselves from making friends as a couple as well? Does he live on campus? I am just thinking that some of your social life could be easily improved because you already have someone to go places with to get together with more people. But if your dating life consists of movies and hanging out at your house, well… it’s a fishing line of a connection.</p>
<p>I would suggest you need to start separating yourself from the issues of your Mother. Yes, I think counseling would go a long way to that end.</p>
<p>And let’s be clear, I don’t make close friends easily although I have many acquaintances. I don’t believe, however, that this is because I am weird. Just saying there are lots of reasons why people don’t have friends and it doesn’t have to mean they’re worthless or cursed.</p>
<p>Sounds like your in a downward spiral. You feel depressed, you are depressed, you project that depression to others, others shun you because they don’t want to feel depressed, you then feel more depressed, and so it goes. </p>
<p>Like others have said, you are not alone. Get help. The school will have people to talk to. Do so TODAY. Talk to someone. The sooner you pull out of that spiral, the sooner you’ll feel better about yourself.</p>
<p>You’ve received a lot of good advice about dealing with depression. I have found medication to be very helpful and will probably have to take it the rest of my life–but being able to live life on an even keel instead of feeling down, unmotivated and as though I’d like to sleep all the time is worth taking the medicine!</p>
<p>As to your stutter–your college probably also has resources to help you with this. I had two different speech problems as a child and saw two different speech pathologists; by high school I was winning speech and debate awards and even went to college on a debate scholarship.</p>
<p>One other idea to consider (in addition to, not instead of, those above) is seeing your college’s chaplain. I think that every college has one or more, and if the chaplain has any experience at all, he or she has previously dealt with issues relating to depression, friendships, boyfriends and parents, and understands college students. As with medical consultations, anything you say would be confidential. </p>
<p>Please let us know how it is going and what steps you’ve decided to take to solve these problems!</p>
<p>One other thing: you should not feel so different as you deal with depression or meds. I have read that at some top colleges, 50% of the students are on anti-depressants.</p>
<p>Getting help from a professional counselor is excellent advice.</p>
<p>While the pain experienced by each individual is unique, professionals will know how best to help you with your particular negative aspects of what are wide spread conditions.</p>
<p>Fact is, you’re going through hard times. Your parents split is already tough. Then, you’re right in between mom and dad and that’s hard too. (Your dad needs to make the break and stay away!!! And it’s their issue, not yours.) Living at home isn’t great, especially if you have to travel 50 miles each way. It’s no wonder you don’t have many friends, but it’s not because you’re weird. When would you meet anyone relating to that?</p>
<p>I think it’s wonderful that your BF is still a part of your life. He isn’t trying to pressure you; you probably complained you don’t have any friends and he’s just agreeing with you. (Would you prefer he disagrees with you?) He’s a shoulder who is there for you.</p>
<p>The best thing you should do is relax about trying to “find a friend”. Don’t over-do the questions, because some people don’t like that. It may seem you’re only interested in “the facts” about them, not who they are. It may be your style, but try to only ask a few questions to get a conversation going and listen/watch for cues if it should continue. You should also try to get involved in school, outside of classes. That could be a sorority, but more likely a (services project) club of some sort. Then, you’d have another topic to discuss and friendships can blossom from there.</p>
<p>Just chiming in to agree with everyone who suggests counseling. You sound very much like myself when I was in college. I lived off campus/commuted, and it was not a positive experience. It wasn’t until I got out into the workforce that I started to feel more accepted by people, and as a result became a bit less introverted. Plus loads of therapy</p>
<p>Look toward the future, make plans for your future once you’re out of school - you have your whole life ahead of you. Finding a way to live at or near your school sounds like a good idea. Getting another job also, you could make friends or at least break out of your rut.</p>
<p>I would explore all possible ways of getting back to living on campus, including FA, a job, or even loans- how much could it be for a year and a half? No wonder you feel isolated- you go to classes, but go home when people are forming friendships and having a good time.</p>
<p>I am so sorry for your pain. When things are at their worst please please please remember that you are not alone. So many go through depression especially in college. It may appear that everyone else is doing great, but that is not the case. Please go to your schools health office and ask for help. It is there for you and it is not an embarrassment to ask for some help. You deserve it and you deserve support. College is a hard and it is a time when people really start seeing some signs of depression, it’s very common. Stay the course, ask for help. When you get some support you will slowly start being able to make friends, to handle your family situation and so on. The worst thing you could do is to quit school. It really is your way out of a toxic childhood to freedom for yourself and to control of your future chances.</p>
<p>I’ll specifically address your perception that others will think of you as weird, etc. This is something that you just have to realize is your own projection, without basis in reality. It’s similar to the difficulty that many people have with romantic relationships. They assume the worst about the other person and convince themselves that given behaviors are proof of these assumptions. So, when your girlfriend is out with her friends, she’s obviously trying to meet other guys and cheat on you. If she doesn’t answer her phone one night, it’s because she’s with another guy. If she’s not enthusiastic to talk to you, it’s because she no longer cares about you. See the problem with this line of thought?</p>
<p>You just need to convince yourself that, however illogical it may seem, others are willing to speak with you and befriend with you given the chance, and that nobody will think you are weird for desiring to speak to them. If anything, they’re feeling insecure and worried that you will judge them. Focus on your life. Develop your interests, seek out groups for these things (campus clubs if possible). You just need to find others to relate to, and try to ignore your personal/family problems as much as possible. Once you have a social life apart from the problems you mentioned, they will no longer seem so overwhelming as they’ll take up far less of your time.</p>