<p>Lol, i'm a very straightforward person, so I'm gonna go ahead and say I wish my parents were white instead of asian. I'm going into college next year (University of Illinois @ Urbana Champaign for Business) and it seems like with everything I have to do (wether it is signing and faxing forms, taking out loans, buying college tools) my parents are incredibly frustrating and don't seem to understand anything. I know most of you are going to say something along the lines of "Your parents grew up in hard times/ your parents wish the best for you/ your parents are paying for your tuition so be thankful you little runt etc etc." but this whole thing of having Asian parents who don't seem to understand and refuse to listen is getting frustrating. Parents, any advice? Hehe I feel like this will receive alot of criticism, but it's okay</p>
<p>You’ve lived with them this long and you still haven’t figured out how to deal with them???</p>
<p>On the bright side, at least you’ll be moving out soon!</p>
<p>For the record, it’s not entirely a cultural thing. Some of it is just a parent thing. I’m not Asian, but I can be a controlling pain in the a$$ also!!!</p>
<p>Well, for my high school years, I didn’t communicate with them much (they are good people, but I was too busy because of trying to improve both my academic and social life too much) and we always seem to bicker when we do talk. But now that I’m going to college, it seems as if we have to discuss everything because I can’t pay for my own tuition, etc.</p>
<p>Good point! I think I will miss them though :*
Haha, and thanks for that for the record, I think I need to hear more of that . :P</p>
<p>Yes, I was going to say, I don’t think Asian parents have a monopoly on being annoying and frustrating to their kids. Just ask any non-Asian kids. They’ll tell you!</p>
<p>I do sympathize with having to deal with the performance pressure that I see in a lot of Asian families. That would be tough, and hard not to internalize. As a parent, I try to be aware of when I’m putting my own expectations on my kids that might not fit their personalities or desires, but I know some Asian parents don’t really worry about how their kids feel about the expectations- they just are. It’s tougher to be your own person. Good luck to you!</p>
<p>Straightforward answer: communicate much more. Be as helpful and responsible as you can be, to parents, elder family members, kids,metc. Show them that you are mature and trustworthy, and eventually they will rely on your judgement.</p>
<p>And consider how many hours they will have to work for a single semester of college. In fact, why not ask them?</p>
<p>You can have my white parents. They don’t understand college and they’re not paying my tuition. It’s not a race thing.</p>
<p>I think your barking up the wrong forum looking for sympathy. As parents we’re wondering what happened to our nice, responsible, obedient kids? Its all about you growing up and wanting more freedom while they are doing their best to guide you in what they perceive as the right direction. They know they have to let go and eventually will and you will eventually learn to appreciate all they did for you, but not right now.</p>
<p>And if they’re paying your tuition and you’re living in their house ya gotta follow their rules (now I sound like my parents).</p>
<p>Its a good thing you will study business at UI-UC because that way, after college, you can take over the family laudry mat or Asian food restaurant. </p>
<p>I’m kidding. </p>
<p>There are so few Asian comediennes that you tend to really appreciate the ones there are. What ever happened to Lucy Chow? She used to have long, hilarious routines about how scared, up tight and conservative her parents were. So she had all the normal differences with her parents plus she had to contend with the culural stuff and I think she was gay as well. Come on, she had more material there than she knew what to do with. She didn’t have to write it she just had to remember it as it happened. </p>
<p>I think it is funny you are using your “pain” to make a humerous post. I laughed.</p>
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Maybe she changed her name to Margaret Cho.</p>
<p>I grew up in a single-parent Asian household and we struggled on finances. The people that we grew up with where generally intact white households where the parents were fairly well off. There were many times when I wished that we had what our neighbors and my friends had in terms of material things.</p>
<p>Later in my 20s, I got to see more of the world including third-world Asian and other countries. Whenever I thought that life had been unfair to me, I realized that I had a lot more than other people and should be content with what I have.</p>
<p>College is the process of separation and separation for people can be very stressful. You want to go out and spread your wings but your parents raised you probably want some of your time or communications before the time they have to starts to dwindle. You are fortunate that your parents can cover your college costs - most parents can’t do this and you can wind up with some pretty big family fights over this and there can be hard feelings over this for a long time - or some pretty big pain for a long time.</p>
<p>Asian parents can have things that seem oddball to the person that grew up in the United States. When you go to college and then get a job, you’re going to run into differences and sometimes you have to adjust them. Sometimes you have to change the expectations of the other person too.</p>
<p>My mother told me that it’s a Chinese custom for the first-born son to move in with their parents when he gets married. She sprung that on my when I brought my wife to meet her. In the US, that would be the ticket to staying single for the rest of your life. A guy that my wife had dated (I believe that he asked her to marry him) did get married and his wife moved into the parent’s home and she was essentially a maid to the rest of the family - this guy was pretty well off as were his parents so it wasn’t an issue of money - seems like it was a control thing. At any rate, I had an argument with my mother over it and basically resolved that we would not move into her house after marriage. She has had to adjust to how things work in the US. Those adjustments can be hard - the longer you’re used to something, the harder it can be to change.</p>
<p>I’m basically saying to give your parents some slack. You’ll probably understand this a lot better when you’re raising your own kids.</p>
<p>There’s Russell Peters. Same line of comedy though Indian not Chinese.</p>
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<p>There is a decent amount of that but a lot of Asians have pushed education more for their kids rather than taking over the family business. My mother worked at her father’s laundry business during the Great Depression and he funded college for her brothers but not for her because she wasn’t male. She surprised her family by getting into Boston University in a funded program and getting her degree.</p>
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<p>I can laugh at that too but it rings a little true because it was and is. At least for some folks today.</p>
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<p>I don’t see a lot of comedy these days. The last good asian guy was the guy that sang the response to Asians in the library.</p>
<p>I loved Margaret Cho, when she had a sitcom. Maybe I can find episodes online (it’s been a long time. She was hysterical.)</p>
<p>Right now, I wish my parents had a nice beach cottage, didn’t need my help and understanding about their medical and other woes. I wish my kids appreciated what we do. It’s my grandmother’s bday and I wish…</p>
<p>Always greener on the other side. Life’s tough. We all try to do our best. Just try to maintain perspective.</p>
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<p>This made me laugh! I am 46 and still have not figured it out, and I do have white parents.</p>
<p>Not all White parents are benign in this department. One former supervisor/friend worked with a White colleague whose father threatened complete disinheritance/cutting off of all relations with him if he failed to gain admission and attend Princeton. </p>
<p>Didn’t matter if he got into any of the other HYPSMCs…it was Princeton or else.</p>
<p>I don’t think Asian parents have a monopoly on being difficult. We are Jewish and I think that Jewish parents are also hard on their kids. </p>
<p>From my perspective (parent of a college bound student) my son is a young adult. He is a competent person, but he does not know everything yet. On some things we have to put our foot down and tell him the way things are. We are paying the bill so we do have some say in what he does when it comes to college. Our son works and he is allowed to spend his money as he sees fit. However, he does not have the right to spend our money as he sees fit. We have not had any conflicts over this yet, but I can see where it could become an issue.</p>
<p>I think you have to look at it from both perspectives. While it is important for you to move forward as an independent young adult, you are not truly independent until you are supporting yourself fully. Until then it is a dance that both you and your parents need to negotiate.</p>
<p>I just wanted to let you know that white parents can be difficult also. I am sure you will do fine in school and in life.</p>
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<p>Of course, the way things work in the US, one can be an independent adult in some ways (e.g. able to get a job, join the military, and vote) but not others (e.g. get college financial aid independent of one’s parents).</p>
<p>It could be worse. My white, educated, (one went to a top top school) upper middle class parents who hated me and threw me to the streets as a child. I grew up in and out of foster care. No drugs or alcohol was involved with my parents. And where I lived, white kids did not really get financial aid for college so I had to pay my way through working 30 hrs a week (more when school was not in session, way more hours) and student loans. </p>
<p>Life is tough. But if you rise to the occassion, no matter what your challenges, it can be great. I would rather have had strict parents who cared about me than my well educated parents who hated me (yes, my mother hated it, still does). (oh, and I did nothing wrong, it was about them, not me). </p>
<p>I know it is hard for you right now. And you all seem to be butting heads. But, from your post, I am getting that there is still a lot of love involved and all will work out. It is just hard to see it now. (((hugs)))</p>
<p>Applying for college is not an intuitive process; it’s complicated and intimidating. I take from your post that your parents are not native born to the US, which means that this whole process is entirely NEW to them. </p>
<p>My parents were able to provide me with a lot of guidance throughout my college years not because they were white, but b/c they had been there and done that. Their experiences made it much easier for me. Just think about how you will be able to help any younger siblings (or later your own children) navigate these waters. </p>
<p>I wish you the best as you head off to college and hope that you are able to find individuals at your university to provide the guidance you want. Check to see if they have any offices to support first generation college students. </p>
<p>I will add that I think you’ll get much more out of your education because you will have ownership of it. I know this is likely cold comfort right now, but your being able to file all the necessary paperwork for admissions, payment and financial aid and stay on top of deadlines, etc is a real skill set that you as a business student should find valuable. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>“You’ve lived with them this long and you still haven’t figured out how to deal with them???”</p>
<p>Oh Lord, that’s a good one. I think that could apply to half of us on this forum, no matter the age! Trust me, many of our parents are certifiably crazy, annoying, combative and difficult. Though we love them to death, you would think after all these years we could deal with them easily and not be periodically sucked into the pit of crazy. Will we do the same things to our kids? I hope not.</p>