or just let the chips fall where they may?
D19 had an uneven start to the college career…made dean’s list even, except for mediocre grades in calculus. This semester of calculus is even rockier, and D is not utilizing all the resources I feel should be used…hasn’t yet gone to the Math center, or called one of the tutors who post fliers around campus, nor looked into joining a study group to brainstorm the problems. D agreed to find an online tutor, but hasn’t yet ‘because there are only weekend slots’. Given an interest in Physics, I’m debating if this major is even feasible, and if I should suggest a change of major, or let her come to that conclusion herself? I believe that sometimes the subjects you love don’t love you back, and maybe one needs to find the subjects which which mesh better (and are tolerable)
yes .
I would ask only if has she looked into how many math classes she needs to take to be a Physics major.
It is a tough row to hoe, and her classes will only get tougher .
I’d say it depends on your child and how she would take your advice. My two kids are very different with one being very open to listening to and taking advice and the other not so much so she more has to sort things out on her own.
Unless a conversation like this will hurt your relationship, I suggest you say something. Sometimes I think a child needs permission to look at something different or needs to hear the advice from many people.
My D started college intending to be a vet. Crashed and burned in Chemistry. Twice. Moved to another major, can’t remember which one, but it was still unsuited for her, and she had a rocky go of it. Finally found her spot in a specialized communications field after a close friend pointed out how well-suited she would be in it. D loved every class and never considered her coursework a burden. Ended up with an excellent job.
Of course, that major was EXACTLY the direction we suggested before she ever enrolled in college, but we like to think we “primed the pump” for the best friend. 
My D is a physics major, and the math courses just keep coming. But what do you consider “mediocre”? My D goes to a STEM school where the average GPA at the end of sophomore year is a 2.8, and the graduating class GPA is around 3.3. So believe me, she has not had As, or even Bs, in every math class or every class in her major. Now it is troubling that your D is resisting tutoring or math center. Me… I’d probably bribe my kid to go once… 
Once they get over the hurdle of the first visit, likely she will feel more comfortable going back.
We suggested a major change because of shaky performance but our advice was not followed. Subsequently, child did not get admitted into her degree program because of poor grades in some required classes not directly related to the major… We had to pay another year of tuition while she scrambled around trying to cobble together a degree in a different major. If you are paying all her tuition you should consider if you are willing or able to pay for another year or more of school.
Ironically, our child got an excellent job offer related to the major. She completed all but the highest level of coursework and had a part time job and internships related to the major. She easily got a job in the field with her work experience and a minor in the program.
My daughter was struggling and not enjoying her major. She felt stuck because she did have a department scholarship and felt bound to stay in the major. When I told her she didn’t have to stay, she felt a great deal of relief. I also pointed out that she was only 4 courses short of a minor in that former major, and she might take those classes, but she’s going to think about it a little more before she signs up for them (I’m not all that concerned about minors). She also could take other majors/minors related to the new major (Art History mixes easily with history, religion, art).
Do say something. Your D might want ‘permission’ to change.
Physics is hard and requires strong math skills, and doing a lot of math. If she is struggling with basic? calculus, that is a bad sign. Unless you have reason to believe she is performing way below her potential for some reason, I would open a discussion about alternatives now.
Also, is she taking physics now? She should be if she is planning a major in it. How is that going?
@mathyone, what counts as struggling in a competitive college? C? D? F? I don’t know what college metrics are, though I’m sure it’s tougher grading than high school…Physics is in progress, some complaints but not as much as she voices about Calculus.
Well it’s hard to say without knowing grading policies. It is usually true that STEM classes have lower averages. I do think that one mistake some STEM freshmen make is underestimating the value and importance of study groups. I think seeking out extra help can be hard for students who never had trouble in high school, but she needs to accept that she has to learn the material and might as well take advantage of all resources to do that. Perhaps she’s just been unlucky with poor teaching. It is also possible, since this is first year calculus, that in fact many of her classmates are repeating calculus they already learned in high school. This could be a difficult and discouraging environment for the first-timer.
I don’t think it’s ever inappropriate to review the plan and make sure she is on the track she wants to be. Even students who are doing well may have difficulty recognizing that their interests have shifted and their plan is no longer the best option for them. There are even kids posting on here who are asking for advice about how to break the news to their parents that they want to change majors.
IMHO, a D or F is struggling. A series of Cs is also struggling – but I would say that a couple in a tough STEM major is not. Just my view… others may disagree. I have actually seen far too many women give up on STEM majors when they hit a rough patch – it is a balancing act to figure out what is a rough patch vs what is truly a sign that she should bail out on her major.
My concern would be more along the lines that physics is complex math. Struggling in your in major subjects is not a good way to start. Even a C in calculus might become a snowballing issue bc understanding what you are doing is vital as concepts build on top of each other.
I asked my ds what he thought and he suggested googling some Emag or quantum problems. (He said that might be a good way to understand what majoring in physics is all about. Being rock solid in math is necessary. A lot of physics major double in math bc it is only a few extra classes.)
Fwiw, if it were my child, I would have no problem having a conversation about the realities of a major. I would not tell them they couldn’t do it, but I would make sure they were fully aware of what they were going to have to be able to do to succeed.
Sometimes the kid can pull it out with a big effort, though. Example - My D didn’t do well in Differential Equations (worst grade she has had at college). But she pulled an A- in Differential Equations II a semester later. She also struggled with Calc her first semester – her high school only went through AB, and even that wasn’t super rigorous – and she was in class with a lot of kids who had been through BC in a more rigorous environment. My kid had to play catchup, but she DID catch up. Just saying that it could go either way with the OP’s kid.
I do think it could be important to learn whether the other students have already taken calculus. I recall a post on here by a parent of a student at Swarthmore? who was struggling a bit in calculus and eventually learned that every other student in the class had already taken calculus. That could make anyone feel stupid and also would raise the curve a lot.
My D was crying every day of real analysis…was sure she was failing…wound up with a B+.
I talked about potential major to my D…when she was about 13 y o. I do not have an experience talking about major when they are actually at college. It took me awhile to convince my D. to choose something different than her initial career choice. It worked perfectly at the end and she is where she belongs. Parent knows better, that is for sure!
Don’t hover over a 19 year old young adult. She has to own it.
Ask if there is anything that you can do to help. If there is then do what is asked. If there isn’t then say, “well I’m rooting for you!”. Offer to pay for private tutoring, if SHE thinks it would help. Your opinion is of no consequence.
That’s it. I know it’s hard, but that’s what needs to be done.
@classicrockerdad unless the parent is paying for it. What happens if there is a change in majors and a 4 yr budget needs to turn into 5? What if there is scholarship $$ that is tied to GPA requirements? Those sorts of financial issues cannot simply be ignored by most families.
She can be made aware of the financial constraints so that she can do the math herself. She needs to learn about herself from herself.
When my D told us she was majoring in accounting, I burst out laughing. An accountant? My D? The quirky emo kid who didn’t like math and only wore Converses and black t-shirts?
But no, I didn’t try to talk her out of it, because over time I realized she knew herself better than I did. (Besides, I’m a science person - what do I know about accounting? And what other major would I direct her to anyway?) Turns out she is very logical- and systematic-minded, and easily grasps the big picture. She also enjoys problem-solving and policing the work of other people. So she was meant to be an accountant…or a police detective.
There were times when she called me in tears to complain about a course, and I told her “you can always change majors if you want.” I knew she had chosen her major wisely when she stopped sniffling and started working harder of her own free will. It just took me a while to see that her chosen career/major actually did mesh with who she really is.