<p>Thank you Frogshollow, for your honesty.</p>
<p>I donât know what I would have done differently because the problem was with the child! She wasnât interested in boarding school until she spent a summer at a boarding school. Her SSATâs were great, but her grades were average. She didnât do her homework effectively or timely as a JR. High student even though the teachers knew she could do it. She clearly wasnât living up to her potential as they like to say.</p>
<p>The boarding school she now attends is good for her. It is teaching her time management. She is learning that being around smart kids is exciting. She is studying now in a way that she never did before. She has motivation now.</p>
<p>Will she stay at that boarding school for 4 years? I donât know. She has my permission to apply to other schools or to stay where she presently is. </p>
<p>I know that if she applies to the schools, I am merely along for the ride. I will not push or demand her to get things done. It will be her decision next time around.</p>
<p>I will do one thing different from the parents statement but that it is.</p>
<p>I regret having my list of schools so early. I barely even looked at Hotchkiss or Choate or St. Paulâs for no reason.</p>
<p>Regret: Applied to only 4 BSs and 2 day schools for child #1, need many more apps if you want to have choices, despite greatest of stats and national awards etc. Applied to 11, I think, for child #2. Definitely cast a wider net than you think you need, and as many as you think you can handle.</p>
<p>Did Well: Kept in touch with AOs, attended invites, events after the interviews</p>
<p>Regret: Buying in too much to handwritten Christmas cards from AOs giving a false sense of hope; the cards meant to keep you âwarmâ and still interested in them. As others have said, they donât mean much</p>
<p>What we did well was:</p>
<p>1) Think about the process early on. Because we were on the East Coast the summer of my daughterâs 6th grade year, we visited 3 schools that we thought might be of interest to her. We chose schools based more on their culture than on their
academic prestige. We also narrowed the list down to schools that had a particularly competitive athletic program in her sport of choice so that made it easier to limit the number of schools. Additionally, she did not want a large school so that knocked out certain schools from consideration.</p>
<p>2) Talked to as many parents, teachers (retired teachers and coaches) and kids at the schools we were interested in about their thoughts and experiences there. We were particularly interested in the actual amount of homework, the academic competitiveness among the students and the closeness of the community(staff and students) as well as the opportunities to have leadership positions or be involved in a work program. For our daughter, the choice of schools to apply to and ultimately attend would depend on the overall HS experience she could have there versus simply the prestige of the institution (SSAT median scores, SAT median scores etc). Balance to her is very important as she wants the opportunity to be academically challenged as well as participate in athletic, the arts and other clubs or community service organizations. While this balance can be tricky to achieve, certain schools embrace that balance more than others. </p>
<p>3) Started writing the applications summer of 7th grade. As D is involved in a traveling winter sport that trains 10 and half months a year with double practices 2x a week during the school year, and several out of state (or country) competitions in the winter. Thus, it was critical for her sanity to start writing the essays in July. Several schools allowed us to use the previous yearâs application so we did not have to wait for the new application to be released in August or September. The other schoolâs essays were started end of August. All applications were completed by mid-October. Of course that meant we did not have November SSAT scores at the time so her performance on those tests did not factor into where she choose to apply. </p>
<p>4) Let D apply where she wanted to so she had ownership of the process. I expressed my opinion having had attended two of the East Coast boarding schools ( left one for another when the second school went coed in '75).She based this decision on her visits to the schools, the websites and her conversations with kids she knows that attended these schools or are there now. Interestingly enough, she ultimately chose not to apply to the top tier school she had visited because she did not feel the culture of the school was the right fit for her. Being very familiar with that particular school, I appreciated her decision in that regard. </p>
<p>5) D did not spend a lot of study for SSATS. She had taken the middle school ones on June of 7th grade and RC scores were low 55% whereas verbal was 99% and Math 98%. So D took a few practice reading tests from SSAT ( I did them with her) and then we went over the answers paragraph by paragraph working on understanding why a certain answer was the right one. She scored 99%
in RC on the SSAT she took in November. Not making the SSAT studying onerous took pressure off of D in terms of time and actual test pressure. Also, I looked at a lot of the other prep materials for the SSATS and took some of the tests myself. From my perspective,some of those books or courses made the test studying more complicated and confusing than it needed to be. I have talked to other parents that agree with this sentiment.</p>
<p>6) Let teachers know in October that recommendations would be forthcoming and sent them the recommendations right before turkey break. Also I made sure that I understood the portal, in our case Gateway To Prep, in case these teachers had questions about how to submit their recommendation. D is at a public middle school with 220 kids in her grade so I wanted to give the teachers some time
to complete the recommendations. Using Gateway allowed me to track the status of these recommendations
well.</p>
<p>What We Could Have Done Better:</p>
<p>1) Should have visited schools in 8th grade fall as well because developmentally D was not really ready to really absorb the BS visits summer of 6th grade. Websites can tell one a great deal but the feeling of the place can only come from a visit. Could not visit in 8th grade fall because of athletic schedule but did Skype interviews as we live in the Inner Rocky Mountain West. Fortunately, there are revisit days.</p>
<p>2) Considered more schools early on despite competitiveness, size or lack of a her competitive sport as D scored way higher on SSATs than I anticipated 98% overall and has a 99 G.P.A. By the time her November SSAT scores were released, she was done with the application process because of her athletic travel schedule. </p>
<p>End Result:</p>
<p>D applied to 3 schools, 2 in the US and 1 in Canada, all which have a balanced approach to education meaning the emphasis is not soley on academics but includes athletics, the arts, leadership roles and responsibilities. She has been accepted by Brentwood College School in B.C. ( rolling admissions) already. While there is a small part of me that wishes D would have applied to St Pauls and Andover (as I believe she would have had a good shot at being accepted at either one and both schools seemed genuinely interested in her applying), I feel that her decision to apply where she did was the right one for her. I have to add that the admission staff, Department Heads and coaches at all the schools she applied to have been incredibly welcoming and informative. The coach from NMH Skyped D last night with members of his team. Regardless of where D is accepted or decides to go, that experience will be remembered fondly for years to come. And when I compare the experience I have had with admissions departments at some of the more prestigious schools, I have to say that I am disappointed in them. While I realize that schools with lower acceptance rates may feel they have the upper hand, that attitude does not necessarily encourage all qualified applicants to actually apply. One school D thought about applying to (my alma mater) specifically stated that a Skype interview might or might not be granted. When D had not heard back from that school 5 weeks after the request for the off -site interview was sent in, she simply did not apply because she felt as if the school was not interested and if she was not going to be granted an interview, there was less initiative to spend substantial time on an application to that school.</p>
<p>One thing I did well was allow my kids time (after an interview) to decompress. When we were in the car, I would always wait for them to talk first. Once after an interview, I drove over 50 miles before K2 ( who was just staring out the window) said a word. I thought maybe his interview didnât go well, but when he finally did start to talking, it was clear that the school had made an incredible impression. Something he (count me in, too) hadnât expected- at all. If I had jumped in for the Big Debrief or shared my opinion first ⊠thereâs a really good chance we wouldnât have had that conversation. </p>
<p>Another important thing was the reasoning behind their choices. I wanted to make sure their âApply Listsâ were truly their own and not built or strongly influenced by their Dad or me. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Good advice for the college app process as well.</p>
<p>For college, I would add: âApply Listâ not strongly influenced by friends or fellow classmates, too⊠</p>
<p>âŠor bs boyfriends or girlfriends!!</p>
<p>Oh, I wouldâve started the application process a LOT earlier, or at least doing our research. This all happened SO suddenly. One day we were pondering whether we should continue to homeschool Moosieboy through high school or seek out other options, the next we were emailing or calling prep schools in the area to schedule visits, etc. The school MB ended up applying to has always been my âdreamâ school for him and I knew he was extremely impressed with what he knew of the school from friends and from playing against their soccer team. We just never thought it would even be a remote possibility bc of FA. So we didnât really start the process of educating ourselves on what it takes to apply to prep schools until late September, early October⊠I honestly wish we had done so much earlier! By the time we learned we could apply for FA at this school and that MB would be a strong contender for admissions, it was already mid to late October (I think he had his interview really close to Halloween, and by then, they had been interviewing for at least a month if not longer). We also didnât have enough time to prepare MB for the SSAT or for the essays for the application because his co-op program is SO labor-intensive, especially during the fall semester. In hindsight, I wish we wouldâve done all our investigating and exploring during the summer so we couldâve been more prepared for the application process⊠So I would say, if you donât enjoy stress, START EARLY and DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!!</p>
<p>For the longest time it was âIâm going to apply.â Come November I realized I was applying.</p>
<p>@alooknac: What you said above has real resonance with me: âI think there are many of us, perhaps not as vocal on cc, who just want the best environment for our child, where they can thrive, be around others who are excited by learning, find what is meaningful for them, and hopefully find a niche where they find fulfillment and contribute to society.â</p>
<p>This describes perfectly what we want out of a school for our son, who is currently in 7th grade. He is a bright kid, and a self-starter - at home, that is. His schools in the past have not afforded him opportunities to explore in a formal setting the kinds of things he loves and does on his own. For instance, he is currently in the midst of a giant art project where he is researching and then painting the history of the universe and humanity, in a series of triptychs (he has completed 11 triptychs or 33 paintings). Heâs been doing this for almost two years! He has a revolving âexhibitâ in our house, where he displays fossils and artifacts for guests. He reads Michio Kaku and other books on physics and science, books he purchases with his own money! He is such a voracious reader that I have to demand he put his book down in order to get a decent amount of sleep at night. And he is currently working on memorizing pi to the 14th decimal - for FUN!!</p>
<p>Yet, when I have suggested he speak to his science and art teachers about these interests, he says it wouldnât be appropriate, as they are ânot working on these things in class.â In other words, he does not want to be a braggart, and in many ways, he is not his own best advocate.</p>
<p>My family lives overseas. We moved to our current country, Madagascar, at the beginning of this academic year. It became clear early on that, while the American school here has a strong elementary program, their high school curriculum is severely lacking. This is due to the small size of the Anglophone community that can support the school (we are in a francophone country). We have decided to have him apply to boarding schools for his 9th grade year. We have about nine months to prepare for the SSAT, interviews and the like. And thank god for that, as he needs the time to learn to articulate the incredible experiences he has had in his life, all of which he values, but takes a bit for granted. (We have lived throughout Africa and the Middle East since he was a one-year-old.) </p>
<p>This forum has been extremely informative, and I cannot thank everyone enough for sharing their experiences here.</p>
<p>I know 3.14159265358979323!</p>
<p>@MadagascarMom: your son sounds like a fascinating kid. Heâs sure to find kindred spirits and a good challenge in boarding school. Welcome to the board and good luck on your search!</p>
<p>While S1 has been doing well academically, he has not been happy at his school. The social pressure is intense. He has sadly watched many of his friends leave both voluntarily & involuntarily since freshman year. The quality of the teachers has been uneven, and we are put off by how the rich & famous kids get treated w kidgloves for their infractions. With an endowment as ridiculously fat as it has, the schoolâs solicitations for donations become tiresome. </p>
<p>I was shocked & skeptical on another thread when a poster mentioned a 25% attrition rate at the top schools. As I watch how many kids remain from S1âs starting freshman class, it doesnât seem so unrealistic to me now.</p>
<p>If we could do it all over again, we would wish for more time to have researched the schools more carefully. We selected a school quickly on prestige & SSAT scores, not fit. S1 feels trapped because leaving his school at this point would negatively impact his college prospects. We worry for him.</p>
<p>S2 is now awaiting decisions on M10. Everything this time has focused on fit, fit & fit-- prestige be damned. Itâs not like any of our family or friends have heard of any of these schools, anyway. When I read these threads about how people will only consider certain schools because of prestige, I shake my head and think: you have no ideaâŠ</p>
<p>@jmoran - you might not get 100% of the picture regarding fit on one dayâs visit, but youâll get a much better sense of how a particular school runs, how students interact with each other, what classes are like, etc. The best visits to get a good sense of a school are those that occur on Interview Day, because more likely than not, itâs just a regular school day and youâll get a better sense of what a ânormalâ day at that school will be like for you (or your child). For instance, on one visit day, we were able to see that a school that claims to value discussion and student interaction was in fact quite the opposite. We visited five classes, and not ONE was discussion-based. We were extremely turned off by this school, even though itâs one of the most popular schools in our area (not a BS). Another school we visited (a BS that we were considering as a day student) was quite a disappointment when we realized how snobby all the students seemed to be. The school we ended up choosing was amazing in that we could just picture Moosieboy as part of that community - the kids were all SUPER friendly, even inviting MB over to hang out at their âquadâ kicking the soccer ball around! The teachers seemed so engaging and every single class was discussion-based at one level or another. At the end of our second visit (MBâs âshadow dayâ), he said to me in the car, âIt was JUST like co-op! I LOVE this school!â It was then that we realized we didnât even want to bother with the rest. So what Iâm saying is, you can learn a LOT about a school on a dayâs visit. While yes, most schools do attempt to put their âbest faceâ forward, it <em>is</em> possible to garner an impression of each school one visits 
At least, it was for us :)</p>
<p>
25%? Thatâs awfully high. I have one actual case in a top school. I tracked DCâs class. The headcount of the 4 year seniors compared with the headcount of the freshmen class is 7% fewer. I donât know how exactly the attrition rate is calculated, but that gives a pretty good idea I think.</p>
<p>Benley: Not sure that numbers reflect faces. Kids do leave, and they are replaced by other applicants, so freshman X leaving one year is replaced by sophomore Y the next year. A school is not going to have many empty beds. Several kids have left CKâs class, but those faces have been replaced.</p>
<p>@Chotiemom: remember the 4 year senior photos In yearbook I mentioned earlier? I compared those with the freshmen class 4 years ago when the school started. Itâs the exact number of students who left over the four years for this one class. I just donât know how attrition should be calculated. Whatâs your take on (or guesstimate) the attrition rate of CKâs school?</p>
<p>Ah, so your numbers do reflect actual faces. That is really the only way to figure this out. I donât know the number for Choate. If I can find it, I will share, but I have no way to guestimate that would be remotely accurate (no yearbooks here).</p>