<p>Some say that you do not need another person to have a fulfilling life and be a happy person. But it sure does help.</p>
<p>If women (especially the prettier ones) hang around guys who higher "value" then wouldn't that mean a guy who doesn't get much attention is being subconsciously ranked as "lower value"?</p>
<p>Not sure I completely understand your question, but if you do not have any female FRIENDS, then there is something wrong with you. On the other hand, if you do not have any GIRLFRIENDS, that’s something different since the latter depends on factors such as personality (such as how outgoing and charming you are) and looks.</p>
<p>ok, i guess there is just something wrong with me then.</p>
<p>I remember your post originally saying you don’t make yourself available to friends. Maybe that’s the problem? Having female friends is no different from having male friends; maybe you’ll have fewer, but making those friends is the exact same.</p>
<p>Yeaaaah, we’re getting a lot of creepers on CS lately. </p>
<p>Who gives a **** what other people think about you? I am the one who decides my own value, thank you very much, not the cloud of people around me.</p>
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<p>I think you are right because I don’t have many male friends either. But you would think some would come to me you know.</p>
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<p>Yea screw the world, even if they think you are a selfish *****, social isolation is completely healthy and self-reinforcing.</p>
<p>“But you would think some would come to me you know.”</p>
<p>Not at all. It’s college. I know that if I want friends, I don’t see the point is working extra hard to make them when there are plenty of people with clubs with me who socialize.</p>
<p>Here’s a thought: maybe the girls are hanging around guys who see them as people instead of tallies. “High value” and “low value”? Yeah, stop it.</p>
<p>If you aren’t making an effort to make friends, it’s not surprising that you aren’t making friends. Look at your life and ask yourself what you can do differently. Join a club, volunteer somewhere, strike up a conversation. If you aren’t willing to change anything about yourself, your circumstances aren’t going to change either.</p>
<p>If I am not making an effort to make friends then why should I expect to make any. Alright, I should have figured that out myself.</p>
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<p>OK. All girls treat all guys equally and girls aren’t judgmental at all. All guys treat girls as people regardless of their looks.</p>
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<p>Might want to brush up on your critical reading skills, mm? Not letting my self-worth be determined by other people doesn’t mean I won’t talk to anyone and stay in my room the whole time. Most people spend waaay too much worrying about what other people think of them. Why? It just makes otherwise normal and functional people unhappy. People tend to like me just fine, and it’s not because I spend all my free time cultivating an image as some sort of gigolo or too-cool-for-you jetsetter. It’s because they like my personality, morals, and interests; in other words, all the things that count. Something tells me that if you’re sitting here wondering if you’re worth less as a person because you don’t have a harem or a Gossip Girl-esque social life, you have little else going for you. </p>
<p>But I digress. Play the game and pander to other people like an eager lapdog, hoping that they see you as worthy enough to join in their little reindeer games.</p>
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<p>Hold on, let me call the whaaambulance! D:</p>
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<p>I disagree that you’re friends are not serving the purpose of boosting your self-worth. Why else would you have friends?</p>
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<p>Did you know Rudolph probably got all the hot girl reindeer(s)?</p>
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<p>Ah so this is about scoring some tail. Good luck buddy, it sounds like you’ll need quite a bit.</p>
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<p>I never said that.</p>
<p>Whatever value does not really matter. Everyone is different, some girls like guy A but some girls prefer guy B. You might be that “B”. Another thing is that you should not expect them to come to you, because they may not know anything about you. What I recommend you to do is to go socialize with them more often, or go join some club or activity. I started having many friends who are girls by doing some extracurriculars because it shows that at least we have something in common to talk about. I don’t know if this answers your question since I found it hard to understand, but the idea is this: Talk to girls and you will understand them better.</p>
<p>“Here’s a thought: maybe the girls are hanging around guys who see them as people instead of tallies. “High value” and “low value”? Yeah, stop it.”</p>
<p>And</p>
<p>“Whatever value does not really matter. Everyone is different, some girls like guy A but some girls prefer guy B. You might be that “B”. Another thing is that you should not expect them to come to you, because they may not know anything about you. What I recommend you to do is to go socialize with them more often, or go join some club or activity. I started having many friends who are girls by doing some extracurriculars because it shows that at least we have something in common to talk about. I don’t know if this answers your question since I found it hard to understand, but the idea is this: Talk to girls and you will understand them better.”</p>
<p>Seconding these. </p>
<p>Also, some people just relate better with a particular sex when it comes to friendships. As a female, I have never been able to handle having female friends. I have one close female friend and a few periphery sort of female friends and that’s the best I’ve ever done, we don’t operate on the same level I guess. Ever since I started 3 year old pre school and started making friends they’ve always been male. We just click better. Some people are like that with the same sex, my sister is incapable of maintaining real friendships with males. Might make dating from friendships kind of a *****, but I personally do not subscribe to the notion that friends first is better anyway. It doesn’t really matter who your friends are.</p>
<p>Yes, your looks do matter. Your image matters even more. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either sadly naive or is bitter because they got the short end of the stick. That doesn’t mean you should care about what everyone things. However, some opinions DO matter. If the guy who has a reputation for being well-dressed talks about your clothes, he most likely has a point. If some ■■■■■■■■ frat boy rags on you for being smart, his opinion doesn’t matter.</p>
<p>I know that everyone has different tastes, but most aesthetics are universal. Anyone who falls too far outside that universality is known to have crap taste and doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Most people think there is nothing wrong with a polo shirt and jeans. You can get away with that anywhere in America worth your time. However, whether Ed Hardy or Abercrombie is in good taste depends what image you’re trying to portray. </p>
<p>I’m sure you have some good qualities that you can take advantage of. If you’re good at computers, help the pretty girl you’re interested in at the computer lab if she needs help. If you have good grades, offer to help someone who is not doing as well in something that comes naturally to you. Maybe you can even become study buddies.</p>
<p>Even if you think your body is perfectly fine, you should exercise. Girls gravitate more towards guys who exercise than those who don’t. Trust me, most can tell the difference. </p>
<p>I’m surprised that no one has mentioned books like How to Win Friends and Influence People yet. Anyway, take the ideas of those books with a grain of salt. Just because Dale Carneige says to smile doesn’t mean you should always smile. Smile, but don’t smile so much that you look phony or creepy. I heard that NLP and The Game are supposed to be pretty good. See for yourself and trust your judgment.</p>
<p>Be aware of pop culture. Even if it’s only watching entertainment channels 30 minutes a week, you’ll get something worth talking about from it. These shows tend to be repetitive anyway. Just watch something like “The Soup”. Find a popular radio station and listen to it for a bit. You might be surprised at what you like.</p>
<p>As for clothing, as long as you don’t have clothes that smell, have stains, or wrinkles, you are generally fine. However, you should still see what other people your age are wearing. Do not try to copy people as you will eventually find your own style. You do not have to buy expensive stuff or the big name labels, just picking up something at JC Penny or Macy’s is fine. </p>
<p>You can do it. It’s not impossible to change and you do not even need to put in too much effort. The harder you try, the more foolish you look. Just be natural.</p>
<p>Thanks TA3021, I agree with you 100%.</p>
<p>“especially the prettier ones”<br>
^ So if I’m interpreting correctly, the problem is not that you lack female friends, girlfriends, or otherwise. The problem is that you lack <em>pretty</em> female friends, girlfriends, or otherwise? And then you are frustrated that other girls group you in a lower class compared with other boys…possibly based on appearance…</p>
<p>Does anyone else see what’s wrong with this picture? I would think it is obvious lol. Sorry if I’m misjudging you.</p>
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<p>I don’t think you understand what I’m saying, and I don’t understand what you’re saying, so I don’t know what to say about that.</p>
<p>I am saying that people tend to gravitate toward people they think are more “equal” to them. For instance, I am pretty sure David Beckham has a hot girlfriend. And Michael Phelps most likely became the target of female attention after he won in the olympics. If I am not getting any attention from the girls who just want average guys, wouldn’t that mean I am below average?</p>
<p>Either way the best advice would probably be to just get out there, be social, and see what happens.</p>
<p>So you just gave yourself advice?</p>