If you had these children, what would you do?

<p>Here goes....</p>

<p>My 3 yr old has been singing since birth. Not kidding. The entire time I was pregnant, my daughter home schooled at the time. This means, he heard constant music around us while she played her instrument and avoided all other school work. When he came out, if he would cry in the postpartum room (and I had complications so I was there for 10 days), I would just call my daughter on the phone and she would play and he would be so happy. He attended all her concerts the first couple years (until he got the squrims in his diaper and couldn't sit still anymore). The funny thing is, while they were playing at the concert, he would sing along! It was a baby sound, but it was almost like baby opera type sound. It was sooo cute! Everyone was impressed and we got a lot of comments (and started sitting in the way back). Even now, he walks around the house singing. He is severely speech delayed (0.11-0.17 percentile depending on expressive/receptive). But he sings! He loves music. </p>

<p>Then with my 11 yr old, he didn't used to sing. But he loved to read music. He loved going to symphony until a couple years ago. He would move his fingers as if he was conducting the entire time it was playing. He has aspergers now (which we did not know in the beginning). He has pretty much lost everything for music. He says he wants to take piano. We don't have room for a piano, but we do have a keyboard. And we have room for a weighted keyboard (those cost about $1800) if people here say it is worth it.</p>

<p>Anyway, I have several other children, not musically inclined AT ALL! The non-musically inclined took after me, LOL. Anyway, the point is, if the above 2 children were your children, what would you do now? I think my 11 yr old is losing his talent because we have done nothing with it. Due to the aspergers, he cannot seem to handle the frustration it takes to do a string instrument and he is interested in a piano. I doubt he would have interest in a wind instrument due to the blowing and all. Whatever we do, I want them to enjoy it, not be "worked."</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

<p>imkh70,
I speak as a parent who raised children with special needs and as the parent of a musician. The first thing is I think you are doing a great job listening to your children and evaluating what they can handle and what they can not handle. </p>

<p>I also would not beat yourself up about not “doing anything” with your child’s talent. You take your children to concerts and exposed them to music. So you have given them a wonderful start.</p>

<p>11 is not to old to start piano and if the interest is there I would try to take advantage of it. Learning to play music can be very stimulating to the brain and it can also help with language problems that may or may not exist.**</p>

<p>If your son works hard enough music can be a wonderful way for a child with Aspergers to be social without having to be social. I know one young man with Autism who is doing quite well at Berklee. Music became the way he was able to connect with his peers. That young man is a Jazz pianist and a composer. Jazz is good because it is a social interactive musical experience where your son will not have to look at other’s faces in order to connect and work collaboratively with others. </p>

<p>**My middle son is not majoring in music but he is a very good guitar player and still has a strong interest in Jazz and contemporary music. He had significant language based learning issues as well as neuropsychiatric problems. Many predicted he might never read for pleasure and that formal academics might always be hard for him even though he was very bright. When he was 11 he started guitar lessons. He had to stop because he was so sick he was not able to regularly go to lessons or to practice. Then we found a doctor and a treatment that was able to help him chemically. He pulled out his guitar, taught himself to read music and then pleaded with me to take lessons. I am cheap and lazy so I did not respond right away to his requests. But eventually I called his old teacher and he started lessons again. He spent a significant time out of school and during that time he mostly practiced guitar. One might think this would of resulted in our son falling even father behind in reading and writing skills. But he didn’t. In fact he started to read on his own and read for pleasure. His language skills improved dramatically. Some of the professionals we worked with (who are also researchers) told me that they suspect the music work our son was doing stimulated the brain and actually contributed to our son’s improved language arts skills. Today that child is a successful Dean’s List College student.</p>

<p>Definitely keep taking the 3 year old to performances. There are lots of free things around too if you look for them, like libraries, street festivals, etc. As for the 11 year old, choose a teacher carefully, but do it! You certainly want a teacher that is comfortable adapting to your son’s unique needs and interests, and I suspect, one that is open to introducing improvisation into the lessons. And I strongly recommend the hammer-weighted keyboard if you don’t have room for a piano.</p>

<p>StacJip…funny thing is, my daughter, who I usually talk about here, was hearing impaired. When in the public school, they said she had learning disabilities (after the impairment was resolved) and they could not teach her how to read. She left. And some time AFTER we started the music lessons for her (which she had asked for) she really jetted forward. Now she just scored high enough on the PSAT that she <em>might</em> (I don’t want to jinx myself) end up being a national merit. So much for her not being able to learn how to read!</p>

<p>I would, and have, exposed my three daughters to lots of music, and let them play the instruments they wanted to play. I would get that 11 year old a keyboard or whatever you can afford, and get him piano lessons.</p>

<p>My musician daughter who is currently auditioning at conservatories started singing classical tunes she heard at 8 months, in tune. She was always fascinated by symphony concerts at a very young age.</p>

<p>I also put them in good art classes outside of school at an early age. All three of my daughters were good musicians, artists and athletes. We intentionally moved back to a large metropolitan area when they were young so that they would have better access to the arts. I couldn’t find any children’s art classes when we lived in another city, so we moved.</p>

<p>But exposure is just giving them a chance. Few children will actually become musicians. My oldest played harp for five years, but decided it was art she wanted to do. Today at age 25 she is a very successful professional classical painter (definitely not a starving artist). My 2nd daughter was a wonderful French horn player, but decided she wanted academics, and at age 22 is well on her way towards a PhD program. My 3rd and youngest, now 17, wasn’t too taken by piano or violin, but the day we rented an alto sax when she was 8 changed everything. She started practicing for hours a day, and has never looked back.</p>

<p>Haven’t been here for a long time, but popped in today to see what was happening, and feel compelled to respond to this. Singing as an infant (who was slow to talk otherwise) resonated with me, as that was my middle child, who now holds a principal position with a symphony.</p>

<p>First, music is a fabulous skill to have, whether or not you take it to Carnegie Hall. For every person on stage, we need hundreds in the audience who “speak the language”. If you’re posting in this forum at all, you already know the benefits of music and don’t need me to say anything. Intellectual, emotional, fine motor, auditory processing, yadayadayada… Asking if someone needs music (which I realize is NOT what the OP is asking) is like asking if they should take math or learn to read. We as a society have moved away from treating music lessons as a given. </p>

<p>Prior to beginning lessons with either child, try to be honest with yourselves about what you hope to get out of it and what you are willing to put into it. When I start a new student (I teach piano), I try to understand their goals. Sometimes they don’t even know their goals, or those change from time to time. Unfortunately, the majority of parents seem to want me to tell them their child is naturally gifted, doesn’t need to practice, and I like them so much, I’ll teach them for free.</p>

<p>I encourage parents to get their kids to commit to lessons for a certain amount of time (at least a year, preferably three) during which time they will practice without complaint. You know your family and the likelihood of this happening. (Did you promise them a dog only if they were willing to feed, water, and walk, and now that is part of your daily activities?) However, your life will be easier if you settle some of this in advance. Especially if your asperger’s child is ADD - figure out how to make that practice happen - 10 minutes, two or three times a day, rather than 30 minutes all at once? Kid who practice become more successful and seem to like music a lot better - funny how that works.</p>

<p>As for keyboards: My oldest son and his wife live in a tiny apartment, and he has lamented the fact for many years that he misses having a piano. For Christmas this year, we got them this: [Amazon.com:</a> Casio PX350 BK 88-Key Touch Sensitive Privia Digital Piano with “AIR” Acoustic and Intelligent Resonation System: Musical Instruments](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Casio-PX350-BK-Intelligent-Resonation/dp/B0094D3JI4/ref=sr_1_2?s=musical-instruments&ie=UTF8&qid=1359475820&sr=1-2&keywords=keyboard+px+350]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Casio-PX350-BK-Intelligent-Resonation/dp/B0094D3JI4/ref=sr_1_2?s=musical-instruments&ie=UTF8&qid=1359475820&sr=1-2&keywords=keyboard+px+350)</p>

<p>I was extremely impressed with what we got for the money. 88 keys, weighted, touch sensitive. We paid $750. No, I don’t get a commission. I generally cringe when I get a student who only has a keyboard. Yet, I really enjoyed playing this one. So it is possible to get a fairly decent instrument for much less than what you quoted.</p>

<p>Good luck, and good for you for asking the questions early!</p>

<p>I am a piano and violin teacher and I also taught Kindermusik classes for 10 years. It certainly sounds as though your 3 year old is a budding musician! I know firsthand that the afifnity for music can show up very early. </p>

<p>When my youngest D was a baby, she was a “kangaroo kid”. I wore her in a sling or backpack for virtually all of her waking hours until she was nearly two. I received a half-moon shaped baby seat as a gift when she was a newborn. The only time I ever used it was at suppertime when she’d gotten old enough to start grabbing food from my plate. I’d put her in the seat and rock it with my foot while I wolfed down supper. She could usually tolerate the seat for 10 minutes. Leaving her in it for any longer would lead to angry crying. One night when she was 6 months old I was rushing to finish supper so that I could watch the New york Philharmonic perform Beethoven’s Symphony No. 3 on PBS. By the time I gulped down the last bite of my meal, it was just past 8:00 P.M… I grabbed the baby’s seat and carried her into the living room. I sat her on the floor in front of the set while I tuned it to the correct channel. I was expecting the screaming to start at any second. As I expected, the concert had already started. I bent down to release the baby from her infant seat prison and saw that she was staring at the TV with a huge grin on her face. She began waving her arms and legs in time with the music. She was absolutely captivated by the performance! I decided to leave her in the seat and see what happened. She watched and “danced” thoughout the entire first movement of the symphony. I told my H what I had just witnessed and said that we might just have another musician (H is a trombonist) or a dancer in the family. D has grown up to be a singer/dancer/actress who does musical theatre for a living.</p>

<p>I now have an 18 month old grandson who’s been singing since the age of 8 months. He doesn’t yet sing any words - he likes ohs and ahs instead. He has made up a song that he sings whenever he rides in the car. His mom, my oldest D, says he sings the same melody consistently. He is in the “experimenting” with his voice stage. He will frequently sing at the very bottom of his vocal range like he’s trying to become a basso. But, he’s tried out his full baby vocal range. He will harmonize with recordings and he dances in time with the music. Though he loves to listen to and dance along with recordings, his favorite thing to do is to sing with his family.</p>

<p>I retired from Kindermusik teaching a couple of years before grandson came along. I used to tell the adults in my classes that the way their children learn to sing is the same way they learn to talk. They imitate their families! The more you sing to and with your young child the better. The more you sing, the sooner s/he will begin to use his or her own singing voice. The musical goals in the preschool years are for the child to develop a melodic vocabulary and to move both small and large muscle groups in time to the beat in a piece of music.</p>

<p>Formal music classes are not necessary, however, classes such as the ones offered through Kindermusik or Musikgarden are a lot of fun. If you choose to work with your 3 year old on your own, do lots of singing! There are many excellent children’s music CDs in the marketplace if you feel you don’t have much of a kid friendly repertoire. Chant Mother Goose rhymes. “Dance” with your child. The dancing can be to songs that you sing or to recordings of either vocal or instrumental music. I put dance in quotes because the dancing does not need to look like the steps older kids might be taught in a class. You can sway like a tree, do a monkey dance by vigorously swinging your arms, hop like a frog, take giant steps or ladybug-sized steps, etc. In my classes I always encouraged parents to break out of their adult boxes when we moved to music. Your child would also benefit from acquiring some simple percussion instruments. Many music stores have small egg-shaped rattles, rhythm sticks, jingle bells, maracas, toy drums, etc. It’s great fun to play an instrument along with the beat in a piece of music!</p>

<p>Your older child may enjoy piano lessons. I firmly believe that the most important key to success in learning to play any musical instrument is the desire to play. I have taught students with Aspergers and find that many of them do quite well. Their ability to focus intently on a subject that interests them is an asset! He will do best with a patient teacher with several years of experience under her belt. I would suggest doing a trial meeting with prospective teachers to get an idea of whether or not they’d be a good match for your son. I agree with Binx that your son should be asked to make a committment of about a year. She’s given you some great advice! </p>

<p>Hopefully, your son can still make visits to concerts performed by professionals. If he can’t handle performances for adult audiences, perhaps you can find a group close to you that does performances for children. At children’s concerts no one expects the audience to be perfectly still and quiet. Maybe you could ask the new piano teacher to show your son some simple conducting patterns. He might enjoy conducting along with favorite recordings. Who knows, maybe your son will become a conductor. </p>

<p>Though most professional conductors do play an instrument, a very well known Spanish conductor, Jesus Lopez-Cobos, who used to be the music director of the Cincinnati Symphony, does not play any instrument. He has an undergraduate degree in philosophy! He began conducting as a hobby and discovered that he had a real knack for it. He learned to read music and quickly rocketed to a career as a professional musician. I’ve always found his story to be quite amazing!</p>