<p>I'm a sophomore in high school and over the summer I went through a big change. It's like I'm a new person now; kind of a nerd. (maybe a wannabe nerd) I have a new friend from Europe and we both study during break and lunch every day. I've ditched spending alot of time with my old friends. But I feel alot better because they weren't my type even when I wasn't as occupied at school. For example, one is a punk rocker and another always curses and makes obnoxious outbursts. She always goes against the dress code at my school (private w/ uniforms) and gets detentions. (3 in 3 days last week) The punk rocker is in bad classes and is obsessed with the dummest guy at my school who is a senior and who may not even go to community college. She constantly talks about the guy, porn, or punk rock music! It's so annoying. She also wear the ugliest makeup and looks like a clown; bright pruple or green eyeshadow! She frequently asks why I'm always studying and doing homework ahead of time. I don't think she even knows what AP is. She says, "F**k AP Euro and Chemistry! We need to hang out. I never see you anymore" I feel guilty because I ignore her even when I hear her calling my name at school. She says, "Ashleeey!! Over here!" However, I just walk by and avoid eye contact so I can meet my new friend and study. </p>
<p>Is what I'm doing right if it makes me feel better? I can't stand my old friends anymore. The longer I know them the more I dislike them. They made me late to class, they were vulgar, and they were like my FOIL. People even asked me last year why I was friends with them. What do you think? I need help on what to do or say. I need them to understand that I'm just a different person than they are. </p>
<p>Well I don't think that completely ignoring them is the best course. Let them know that you feel like you are so different that you can't be yourself around them, but that you would be there for them if they need you (if thats true). Don't cut them completely out of your life, but don't really hang out outside of school with them and gradually decrease the time you spend in school with them. It worked for me at least.</p>
<p>It's very mature of you to place distance between yourself and the old "friends" who only brought you down. As long as you stay collected (don't become vengeful in any way, violate old trusts, or bad-mouth them) then I don't think what you are doing is at all cruel. You have taken yourself out of a bad situation, good job.
- Also, since they don't seem to be grasping the hints you have sent their way then perhaps it might be a good idea to have a short and non-personal talk over your change in personality/values and that don't feel it's best to be hanging out together anymore.</p>
<p>What are you talking about? This is idiotic. If you don't want to be someone's friend anymore, why put them through the agony of trying to stay friends with you? Tell them to their faces that you don't have the time for them, or that you're going separate ways, anything but what you're doing right now. You ARE being rude, and this is the wrong way to end any sort of relationship. We're in high school people! Come on!</p>
<p>Ok, well I DO talk to them just not as much. I only ignore them if I have, for example, 30 seconds to get to class or I'm runnin glate to a meeting. My old friend doesn't care if she's late or I'm late to class. It's just that they don't understand what's important to me at all! They're the "down with school" type of people.</p>
<p>sorry for all the ranting..I just don't find it rude for me to ignore someone if I'm running late to class. I really can't avpid talking to them. They sneek up on me sometimes and I talk to one of them in my math class.</p>
<p>I just want to be friends with them. not best friends.</p>
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I just want to be friends with them. not best friends.
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<p>Not cruel at all. You can stay friends with them and not be best friends so long as they respect your limits and don't try to push you in other ways. The problem with this is that people feel rejected often, so you've got to be prepared for that.</p>
<p>One of them tragically misses me. She's a little emotional I think. She's like, "Ashley I NEVER see you anymore!!" (I see her at least 3 times a day) She's expecting me to do the whole "super duper pal hang out thing"</p>
<p>I just hope they become accustomed to my change soon. I worry because I don't want them to feel as if I've rejected them</p>
<p>but you kinda did, didn't you? They wanted a best friend but you only want to give them friend status in return. Any way to reconcile? Usually the best way to solve a problem is through mediation.</p>
<p>Well of course I've rejected their want to be "a bestie" but why should I be when we're completey different? </p>
<p>Of these above desribed friends, all understand my situation EXCEPT ONE. (the punk rocker) She is the only one I'm really trying to persudae now. the one that sneeks up on me, doesn't give me enough space, doesn't know what AP is, doesn't understand what " Thankyou for calling me but I'm about to eat dinner with my family. Please call me back later" means. Instead she wants to talk to me nonstop about every single trivial detail about the friendship between herself and a senior. she says shes in love. she sends me about 10 myspace messages a day about it. each several pages long. I don't know if this is normal.</p>
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I just hope they become accustomed to my change soon. I worry because I don't want them to feel as if I've rejected them</p>
<p>she sends me about 10 myspace messages a day about it. each several pages long. I don't know if this is normal.
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<p>Yeah, it's really normal in terms of how certain people bond, particularly women if you believe the book The Female Brain (written by a woman and complimentary of them). There's nothing terribly unusual about it. Having said that, it's not working for you. Could you just drop into conversation statements like "Look, you're a friend of mine and I always want that, but I've got a lot of responsibilities now. It's not saying I don't want to be with you, but I just can't as much. Can you deal with that"? Something to that effect. Just a thought. That way you're addressing it, though you aren't turning it into a big deal. That can be the best way to deal with stuff sometimes. Recognize that you may end up having to force the end of the relationship, but this will be because she can't accept change.</p>
<p>Sadly, I believe that may be the only way. I do notice that she has a tough time realizing the truth and reading others. I really don't think she even knows who I am. I'll gve it awhile but I really do think it'd be for the best of both of us. She wouldn;t want to be with me anyway if all I was doung was goung through flashcards! hahha.</p>
<p>It sounds that while those people aren't exactly your best friends, you could be a lot nicer/civil. There's no point in being such a crazy person and not telling your old friends that you've changed! I don't see why you would need to cut off all contact with them and be so rude...honestly, I would die for a person to be civil to me in school</p>
<p>If you read further you would see that I actaully do talk to them. I have not cut away all connections. As I have said, they all understand except one of them. She wants me to be with her EVERY MOMENT so she can talk about a senior whom she "loves" (and is flunking high school and not going to college) as well as some lurid topics also as mentioned above. this is the problem..</p>
<p>I'm also wondering: ( I really don't like discussing these kind of things) but is it strange of her to be so into lewd and dirty videos? I thought only guys liked that stuff. I just really can't understand at all.</p>
<p>Some women are into that stuff too. Probably more guys are. But it does suggest a certain cluelessness on her part to think that you would necessarily want to hear about that. Anyway, I was going to tell you about the following:</p>
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By the way that book sounds pretty interesting
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<p>Here's an article about the book: Affiliated with UCSF (the West Coast's premier med school), she wrote a book that is pretty accessible about the female brain. It got criticized a bit in the press, but when I read most of the criticism a lot of it seemed to be from people who probably wished they had written it themselves....</p>