<p>I posted here a while ago asking for advice about a messy family situation and some other things. I received many thoughtful and sensitive responses, for which I am extremely grateful. I figured I should post an update to let you all know how things turned out.</p>
<p>I wrote last time that my mother was verbally/emotionally abusive and possibly personality disordered, and that my parents' marriage had never (in my memory) been a happy one. In mid-April, my dad filed for divorce. Due to my country's laws--I live in the US, but am a citizen of a country in Europe--they can't proceed with the divorce itself until six months later, by which time I'll be fully immersed in college application madness... the timing's terrible, but it's still a relief. I suppose it's a clich</p>
<p>I don't think I saw your thread the first time around, but I am glad you seem to be handling a difficult situation so well. Good luck with everything!</p>
<p>I remember your post - and am so glad to hear you are doing so well. I always find it remarkable how some people can come through such trouble and misery such courage and panache: clearly you are one such individual. And clever, too - how did you put the accent in cliche?</p>
<p>I am so glad you seem to have turned a corner! Thanks for letting us know. And remember, if we can be of some help during the college application process, to ask for it.</p>
<p>Camelia....you seem to have a clearer understanding of some of life's harsh realities than many adults I know. Best of luck to you...please keep us posted on your progress.</p>
<p>Camelia, I agree with beachy. Your self-understanding is impressive. And you write beautifully. If you choose, you could turn what you posted here into a nice college essay. Good luck!</p>
<p>
[quote]
I still have a lot of work to do, trying to come to terms with who I am, where I've been, and where I'm going... but I have confidence that I'll get there eventually, somehow.
[/quote]
This kind of post just makes me pleased to no end. Man! This is one cool kid. Dont worry if you never get there and dont let it get you so down that you stop trying. The joy of the thing is in the searching. You see, you are always becoming a new person. So, when you think that maybe you are there, you end up finding there are other places of you where you have never been and where you really need to go. It just never ends.</p>
<p>Camelia, you are blooming beautifully. I just wrote a long e-mail to one of your peers yesterday. One of the things I told her was something to the effect that we can't control the cards we're dealt but we can control how we play them. You're doing beautifully.</p>
<p>It's fine--even recommended--to be selective about who you "let in on" your problems but I'm so glad that you did so with your two teachers, college counselor, and principal. We're all in this [Life] together and it really helps to share the burdens, both receiving and giving as necessary. </p>
<p>Keep your original post and this last one, combine them, tighten them up, and maybe add in details as to what you said to your confidants at school and what they had to say. By the time you apply for college you'll have a main/long essay that'll be as genuine and insightful and revealing and moving as any essay anyone submits.</p>
<p>What schools want to know is what you're all about. I think the Common App asks for an essay on a hardship you dealt with and overcame. Voici.</p>
<p>What you posted here, after fine-tuning, will knock most AdComs out, no matter the school. </p>
<p>That's the silver lining in all this.</p>
<p>(BTW, congrats on handling a nightmare in exactly the right way).</p>
<p>Thanks for all the kind replies. :) I still feel sad and overwhelmed sometimes, but I'm trying to keep things in perspective and stay positive.</p>
<p>Some of you suggested that I turn this into an essay--could I really do that without looking like I'm exploiting my situation to gain adcoms' sympathy? I realize that I'd need to focus on things I've learned from it and how it has helped me grow as a person, and it's obviously something that has influenced me, but I don't want to look like I'm (pardon the crudeness) whoring myself out to adcoms by exposing my "successful" family's dirty little secret, because that's not my intention at all.</p>
<p>I admire you for not wanting to exploit your family situation for the sake of gaining admission to colleges.<br>
You don't need to make your family's dysfunction the focus of your essay. It can serve as the backdrop, the context for discussing your own achievements, your personal goals, your dreams. Over the next few months, you will be writing quite a few essays. Most students write essays that they end up not using.
You can start out with this one, get it out of your system. Perhaps you will decide later on that it is a good reflection of you as a person, that you have been able to convey a positive image. Perhaps, having written it, you will decide to focus to some other aspects of your life. But I think it's good to start with this topic because it looms so large in your life right now.</p>
<p>I don't thin you should use your family hardship as your main essay unless you are very comfortable with doing so. You want your essay to reflect you -- who you are, what kind of person you want to be, your hopes, your dreams, your personality. You were shaped by the events of your life, but you may not want to be defined by them. In fact, you may want more than anything else to distance yourself from them. </p>
<p>Anyway, the point is that you don't have to make your most painful experiences into a college essay, and you don't have to write about overcoming hardship if you don't want to. </p>
<p>You should mention these problems if there is a problem or weakness in your school record and the family problems are the truthful reason for them. This doesn't have to be in the main essay - it doesn't even have to come from you. For example, if your grades fell while you were dealing with this mess, your g.c. could note that on the transcript -- colleges do want to know about those sorts of things.</p>