Who also has a Messed up family?

College Confidential Community
1

<p>cuz i do. i really really really do. my bday is in 6 days and i have a feeling the family will be at everyone's throat, LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY. yelling and throwing pencils and hair dryers and printers and god knows what. i'll save the trouble and not even mention it. I feel like marilyn monroe, the girl who had a lotta problems, but had to hide it every effing day by smiling for the camera, so people don't ask.</p>

<p>Forget this. 1 year and im leaving so there are no legal implications. im just gonna take my clothes in some suitcase so i dont look awful. i could probably sell them if i end up desperate, i have some pretty expensive pieces. i dont care if i end up on the street. calmly explain the situation to the college, and if they take me, great. if not, i'll probably still survive. i'll probably come back one day and see my mother in a mental institute and my dad in jail. mark my words.</p>

<p>someone tell me that they suffer too so i don't feel like an outlier...please.</p>

2

<p>birthdays are silly, just like all the other minor holidays. </p>

<p>you could always turn your experience into an emotional essay for colleges. as long as it does not sound pathetic, you should be able to get the most out of it.</p>

<p>you should check out the college life forum. it has several interesting college life threads.</p>

3

<p>You are definitely not alone. When I was growing up, I remember my dad hitting my mom and also threatening to kill us. I lived for going away to college so that I could change my life. In addition, my dad was a dentist, but didn't save any $ for my college education. I worked during the school year to help pay for college, and worked up to 60 hours a week during summers to pay for college. </p>

<p>The happiest day of my life was when I went away to college. Afterward, I spent 2 more summers at home so I could work, getting more $ for college, but after that, I found summer jobs out of town -- several states away! I vowed that when I got married and had kids, I would raise them in a better atmosphere than I was raised, and I have done that. </p>

<p>I guarantee you that if you could look into the homes of many of your classmates, you'd find that they are as miserable as you are even if they appear to be happy. After I was in my 30s, I learned that a girl in my h.s. that I had thought had the perfect family was being molested as a child by her father, who was an administrator at a local college. </p>

<p>As an adult, I've mentored and taught many students who came from dysfunctional familes that others didn't know were dysfunctional. This included people whose parents were alcoholic, abusive or were having affairs despite being married.</p>

<p>I strongly suggest that you find a trusted adult in your life whom you can talk to. This could be someone like a teacher, guidance counselor or the parent of a friend. If there's anyway that you can get into counseling, do so. If you tell your parents that you want to help fix yourself or prepare for college, I'm guessing that they'll be more likely to allow you to go to counseling than if you tell them that you need to deal with the pain that their dysfunctional behavior is causing you.</p>

<p>You also can look into the following groups, including their web sites</p>

<p>Al-Anon and Al-Ateen: These are groups for people whose loved ones are alcoholic, but they also can be wonderful support groups for people living in other kind of dysfunction.</p>

<p>CoDependents Anonymous</p>

<p>Adult Children of Alcoholics.</p>

<p>Also do your best to find a copy of the following book" Guide to Recovery" by Herb Gravitz and Julie Bowen. It's a wonderfully, supportive guide for people who grew up in dysfunctional families.
Meditation, particularly lovingkindness -- "metta" meditation can be helpful. The beauty of this is that you start off by giving lovingkindness to yourself. As Buddha said, if you search the whole world, you'll never find anyone more in need of your own lovingkindness than yourself. This is true for everyone, but particularly true for people who are living in the kind of painful environment that you described.</p>

<p>Here's a link to info about lovingkindness meditation including a free audio that you can use to do this meditation: <a href="http://www.beliefnet.com/story/32/story_3247_2.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.beliefnet.com/story/32/story_3247_2.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

4

<p>I've got a messed up home life too, but don't move out onto the street. Colleges are horrible about financial aid for people in weird situations (mostly when those weird situations are kids leaving home, or who have bad home life), and if you can't get your parents to help you apply, you wno't get any aid.</p>

5

<p>I feel sorry for those simple-minded and shallow people who hate their family because their parents tall them to do stuff they dont want to do or make rules they dont like, and want to leave for college asap. I'm not talking about parents-alcoholics/drug addicts, i'm talking about average middle-class families that "limit my freedom" as many adolescents say. My stepdad is not mean or anything, but he often tells me to do stuff that seems very stupid and pointless at the moment, but when i think about it later, i realize that he wants only good things. Come on people. Your parents love you more than anybody in this world, since you were born, they devoted all their life to you. They don't want to hurt you. If they tell you to be home by 11, it's not because they are freaks and don't understend you, it's because they are terrified when they think that something can happen to you. When you will grow up and your hormone production will drop, you will understand this.</p>

6

<p>there are people who beat, whip, and molest their children, just like there are priests who commit crimes (God's instrument, eh?). dima, your generalization is condescending and ignorant.</p>

7

<p>I'm trying really hard to disown my family - my fathers side anyway. I'm fortunatly independant and am not relyant on anyone so I can get away with it for now. I don't celebrate any major holidays or my birthday like a Jahovah's Witness - but an Agnostic version :) So I only see them on my terms.</p>

<p>YOU ARE DEFINETLY NOT ALONE!</p>

8

<p>Bobert_McCloud there are, there's no doubt. bit that's not who i'm talking about. i'm talking about normal families where parents love and care about their kids, but kids think that their parents are their worst enemies.</p>

9

<p>"Your parents love you more than anybody in this world, since you were born, they devoted all their life to you. They don't want to hurt you"</p>

<p>even in cases where there is no physical abuse, drug problems, etc., there are plenty of families in which parents are not devoted to their children, do not love them more than anyone in the world, and would not do anything for them. people which such parents are very lucky, because such devotion and care is not as widespread as you seem to think it is. some people, parents or not, will never be even slightly selfless or capable of loving anyone more than themselves. your generalization is quite ignorant, although im sure anyone who lives in a happy, loving family would have trouble imagining that there are others do not live such a life.</p>

10

<p>Hey guys I'm still alive. net access at my home was cut off, so its a bit hard to keep up. Thanks for the support, I really hate breaking down to people I don't know because it shows that im weak, and plus, you guys can't do anything, really. Anyway, northstarmom, you pretty much described it. not alcoholics, but in 10th grade, my parents were THIS close to getting a divorce. yes, he hit my mother, who was holding a newborn baby at the time, who did fall to the floor. yes, he was having an affair. yes, he hits us. he's very angry at life due to his messed up childhood, which is why I think he does these things. the entire year i'm trying to focus on school and my mother kept coming to me, crying. at the time i was only 15, i had no idea what to do. and yes, both are doctors. (300k+ income). you'd think they'd be able to handle the situation a bit better, no? i guess all the stress from the years have built up and exploded at this point. we're all still together for the kids, and they got counseling. i remember being jealous of kids who could go home and live normally, but realize that most others probably have such problems....</p>

<p>i'm just tired of being a subject of abuse, constantly. ive had a little trouble breathing in the past couple of days, and after my mom cooled down, decided to get me an xray. apparently some ribs were bruised where the hair dryer hit me with so much force. i hate covering up bruises, and soon i hope moving out will help me lots. at least there wasn't bleeding like last time. i'll probably change my name.</p>

<p>i recently got word from my cousin who lives overseas (just like 2 years older than me), and he's the very independent type. (can you believe he taught himself english by chatting online? he has over 4000 contacts!) He got in a fight with his family, and moved out. he's now working in dubai, happy and all that jazz. i think i'll just follow his example unless things get better in the next year. my father himself hasn't spoken to his father in 16 yrs.</p>

<p>anyway, i don't have a lotta time here, so im gonna have to go soon, but i'll try to check out those links. i don't see any other happy alternative though except to just move out so i don't have to live with this anymore. </p>

<p>by the way, happy 7/27 to me. im glad im alive to enjoy it, at least by myself. =)</p>

11

<p>My mom doesn't even know I exist. </p>

<p>God......... my father isn't around so I don't see him anymore. </p>

<p>He could care less if I died.</p>

12

<p>Hey phil, just hang in there. my brothers have all turned to me as their 2nd mother cuz my mother ignores them too unless she needs us for something. that's why the 2 yr old comes and sleeps in my room everynight, even though he has a set up place elsewhere. sometimes they won't unstick from me! i'd be your mom too but...heh.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I vowed that when I got married and had kids, I would raise them in a better atmosphere than I was raised, and I have done that.

[/quote]
Yeah, but that's why i dont plan to have kids. i already know how it feels like to have a crazed up mother, and i don't want to risk doing that to them either. having a psycho mom is worse than being a pshyco mom.</p>

13

<p>Thanks Sarah. :) </p>

<p>Uhhh.......that whole be my mom thing. lol :p I don't whether to laugh or cry. :p </p>

<p>It's okay. I stay my distance from my mom. :) </p>

<p>I love her but...........IDK.</p>

14

<p>sarorah:
i read a report about survey on family life from high school to college students. i think a LOT of families are not peaceful at all, especially with America's divorce rate. basically, you are not alone, and definitely should NOT go to the extreme (including but not limited to running away)</p>

<p>a positive way of dealing with it is perhaps to hang out with your close friends much more often. or join in a lot of other extra curricular activities. or perhaps even more fulfilling, get meaningful jobs (i.e., not at KFC or BK)</p>

15

<p>every family has skeletons in the closet.</p>

16

<p>I'm not allowed to get a job bobert.</p>

<p>"Nursing home? Hell no you're not going to a nursing home".
or
"I'm working like an animal and you want a job?"
--"dad it'd be a good way to gain responsibility and learn how to budget money. For example, Bill Gates made his two daughters get jobs."
"The only way out of this house is with an MD DEGREE or MARRIAGE. PERIOD. If you go behind my back and get a job, there will be severe punishment."</p>

<p>I MEAN WHAT THE HELL?@!?!@?!</p>

<p>they're maniacs, all of them. and i'd write a college essay about it cuz i know it'd be passionate and all, but i was told to not write about divorce or depression and two other d's...because they're "downers".</p>

<p>The only way out is moving out.</p>

17

<p>I wasn't allowed to get a job either until last year. Because 'a student's job is to study, not to make money'. However, my parents' family friend's cousin got into Yale and she told my parents that having a job really helped her with time management and that she thought her work experience was a factor in her yale admission.
And then my parents got all worried about me not having a job: "FIND A JOB..NOW"
Then I got a job at kodak photo centre.. and started making some big money (raised to 15.50 p/hr) and as that place hardly had any customers, I used that time to study (18+hrs p/week!), so my grades sky rocketed.</p>

<p>However, I got so independent from my parents (I didnt ask for money, didnt ask for homework help, showed no school stress - i was acing in school, more time at work than being at home, no general parent/daughter connection) that my parents got worried because they felt not needed (well yeah i coped well on my own) made me quit lol</p>

<p>But sarorah, I definetly kno how you feel about not being able to get a job. I wanted a job since I was 14 and I remember begging for the allowence to get a job, every day :/</p>

18

<p>sarorah, hang in there, and try and remember two things:</p>

<p>1) Whatever doesn't kill ya makes you stronger
2) Whenever you reach the darkest moment in your life, you are that much closer to the reaching the light at the end of the tunnel</p>

<p>Northstarmom, i think i just fell in love with you...</p>

19

<p>uhh ok I just read page 1. I dont think my previous post really matches all the other posts here.....sorry... just ignore that post lol</p>

20

<p>nah you guys are great. you all give me hope. really. thanks for all the support. i mean that's the whole reason i come to cc. to escape for a bit. my parents left this weekend and i took full advantage............actually it was a lotta fun, my friend told me to come over & pick something up after she heard me all sad on the phone ... and i thought it'd be like a 2 min ordeal, instead i go in, and ALL of these people who i thought were gone for the summer were all like "SURPRISE!, HAPPY BDAY!" Haha. I hate surprises. but it was nice. the best was a versace black dress which im gonna get returned because i don't deserve it (too expensive), not to mention if my dad saw it, he'd probably say, "return it or i'll shred it". he ended up getting me an "sat 2400" electronic thing...just what i always wanted! haha. things are looking up. they found out though that we went to the movies at night and freaked out/threatened to call everyone else's parents involved to not invite me to anything unless they have approval...whatever. just 1 more year and i'm out.</p>

<p>anyway i'm gonna get this thread deleted because it's depressing. northstarmom i'm not going to report the parents or anything because i have siblings, and i don't want to see them go to an orphanage or something after i leave. awful parents are better than none, possibly. even if the parents don't pay for my college expenses, i can't do anything for the siblings at 18 yrs, you know? </p>

<p>hah i realized my parents are probably like asian x50. lucky me, didn't even have to be asian!</p>