<p>
[QUOTE]
These 3 essays are actually just very rough draft essays.
[/QUOTE]
</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
It is a semi-polished version.
[/QUOTE]
</p>
<p>Which is it? It can't be "very rough" and "semi-polished" at the same time. Since this is so important to you, why don't you polish them to your best ability, and THEN bring then back here for our opinions.</p>
<p>You wrote:</p>
<p>Out of 120 possible points, I recieved a 98.</p>
<p>this is an awkward statement. It would have flowed better had you written </p>
<p>I scored 98 out of a possible 120 points.</p>
<p>On my writing assessment I scored 98 out of a possible 120 points. </p>
<p>It seeems that the the test is looking for a minimum level of proficiency.</p>
<p>Had you gotten the extra 2 points, you would have simply demonstrated a minimum level of proficiency to take freshman writing. </p>
<p>Just barely getting in could set you up for possibly lagging in the classs, whereas had you scored 118-120, you would have demonstrated a level of mastery. </p>
<p>Do you really want to live your life just squeaking by?</p>
<p>In what way is the test biased? </p>
<p>Are there problems with the validity of the test? The test is suppose to measure your ability to write according to a certain set of standards. Is the test measuring something else?</p>
<p>
[quote]
They were forced to implement family and personal life questions which affect your placement.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>There is nothing with asking this information as long as it is being asked of all of the test takers. </p>
<p>They want to know factors that contribute to a persons writing and their writing style. Could it be possible that the administrators of the test were simply trying to identify students whose first language is not english or live in homes where english is not spoken? This will affect the way that a person communicates in both verbal and written forms and yes, it just may affect how one is placed.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Which is it? It can't be "very rough" and "semi-polished" at the same time. Since this is so important to you, why don't you polish them to your best ability, and THEN bring then back here for our opinions.
[/quote]
It is a rough draft that I polished within the alloted time. That is why I said semi-polished.</p>
<p>
[quote]
You wrote:</p>
<p>Out of 120 possible points, I recieved a 98.</p>
<p>this is an awkward statement. It would have flowed better had you written</p>
<p>I scored 98 out of a possible 120 points.</p>
<p>On my writing assessment I scored 98 out of a possible 120 points.</p>
<p>
[/quote]
That is really semantics. Either of them would work.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Had you gotten the extra 2 points, you would have simply demonstrated a minimum level of proficiency to take freshman writing.</p>
<p>Just barely getting in could set you up for possibly lagging in the classs, whereas had you scored 118-120, you would have demonstrated a level of mastery.
[/quote]
The test was worded very badly. Also, It doesn't matter if someone was exactly 100 or 120, they still "meet" the requirements per the placement test.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Do you really want to live your life just squeaking by?
[/quote]
I believe the test didn't accurately display my writing ability.</p>
<p>
[quote]
In what way is the test biased?
[/quote]
Because of the lawsuit.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Quote:
They were forced to implement family and personal life questions which affect your placement.</p>
<p>There is nothing with asking this information as long as it is being asked of all of the test takers.</p>
<p>They want to know factors that contribute to a persons writing and their writing style. Could it be possible that the administrators of the test were simply trying to identify students whose first language is not english or live in homes where english is not spoken? This will affect the way that a person communicates in both verbal and written forms and yes, it just may affect how one is placed.
[/quote]
The counselor told me that the test would affect you like this: If you have a job the test would mark you down some points. If your parents didn't complete a certain level of education the test would mark you down. Fair? - No.</p>
<p>For those of you who asked about the AP test: I didn't take the test since my Dad's passing away affected my grades. With my grades I do not believe UCLA would have accepted me. I didn't want to have my Mom spend $90 for me to take the test. Yes, if I would have passed the test then it would save me money in college. My Dad had been deceased a month after that and I wasn't up to the test and I didn't want to bother my Mom about the money. I do not have a job since my Mom "won't allow" me to have one. Yes I am an adult. Please do not question me about my choices about not arguing with my mother about this.</p>
<p>equine99,</p>
<p>We have read countless scholarly essays in my class. We have had past students of his who have graduated come visit the class. They ALL said his writing model is perfect and that is the only one they use. This is my teachers conclusion on this: He said while in college the teacher asked the students to write an essay about a book they read. My teacher decided to write about the unseen rather than the seen. For example; if you have read the book called Othello, it appears as though his actions are because of jealousy when in actuality his actions are because of inadequacies with himself. In the essay you explain with evidence within the test supporting your evidence then you explain what this means to society. It really means that jealousy is really about ones inadequacies and insecurities rather than based off of infatuations. This is a brilliant essay. Some of you (those who say these essays are useless) are so ignorant/cynical about not looking at what these essays really show. I am really sorry some of you are unable to appreciate the heart of these essays. This model IS the groundwork for ANY literary scholar essay.</p>
<p>Your essays aren't as bad as people make it out to be. But if your truly looking for advice on essay writing, you have to learn to accept constuctive criticism.</p>
<p>Ultimitley you will be the one to test how well you do in college with that. I, for one, will continue to get my A's using my own method.</p>
<p>I read through the essays and without even considering that they were "scholarly", I could tell you they weren't great. </p>
<p>If you want an honest opinion, here it is. Someone could easily mistake you for a 15 year old who wrote an essay, took a thesaurus, and used some fancy words. Amazing words only work when you have correct sentence structure, grammer, and a solid argument.</p>
<p>You say that the style of essay you wrote is the only thing necessary in college - go on believing that, and see how well you do. Your arguments were dull and reeked of "so what", as one poster noted. </p>
<p>Please remember, being unnecessarily verbose only makes you look egotistical. If the sentence isn't formed correctly, you repeat "inadvertantly" over and over again (siddhartha essay), and the argument isn't strong, you will not gain anyone's approval.</p>
<p>You keep defending your work by stating the format you chose for the paper, when the real issue isn't with the format, it's with your choice of arguments, and writing style. I very much doubt that the "scholarly essays" you read were as poorly written as yours, and if so, your teacher gave you some pretty horrible examples of "graduate" level writing.</p>
<p>"This is my teachers conclusion on this: He said while in college the teacher asked the students to write an essay about a book they read. My teacher decided to write about the unseen rather than the seen. For example; if you have read the book called Othello, it appears as though his actions are because of jealousy when in actuality his actions are because of inadequacies with himself."</p>
<p>teachers should be teacher's
He should be he
This first sentence is phenomenally awkward.</p>
<p>"For example" isn't an independent clause; you shouldn't use a semicolon after it.
"the book called Othello"? Well, I've read the play. Plus, why not just say "Othello"?
my English teacher would have ripped you apart for "it appears." What appears? His actions appear to stem from jealousy.</p>
<p>...For starters.</p>
<p>Are you going to college to learn, or to get classes out of the way? I would hope you would want to improve, and therefore it makes no sense to try to pass out of a class that will give you skills to be a better writer.</p>
<p>
[quote]
"This is my teachers conclusion on this: He said while in college the teacher asked the students to write an essay about a book they read. My teacher decided to write about the unseen rather than the seen. For example; if you have read the book called Othello, it appears as though his actions are because of jealousy when in actuality his actions are because of inadequacies with himself."</p>
<p>teachers should be teacher's
He should be he
This first sentence is phenomenally awkward.</p>
<p>"For example" isn't an independent clause; you shouldn't use a semicolon after it.
"the book called Othello"? Well, I've read the play. Plus, why not just say "Othello"?
my English teacher would have ripped you apart for "it appears." What appears? His actions appear to stem from jealousy.</p>
<p>...For starters.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Those are really semantical errors that I made on accident. If I would have reviewed it I would have noticed them. As for the "Othello" statement, it seems only fair to state the origination and would work with or without. It is really unfair for you all to be critiquing my online speech, which I do the best to write out without having to edit, as my essay writing style.</p>
<p>Maybe I should write down the course description of the one I was placed into. Sure, I am not a great writer. I am just trying to say that I meet the prerequisites of the course I was placed into.</p>
<p>English Fundamentals (the course I was placed into):
This course provides practice in English composition with emphasis on the multi-paragraph essay, with a review of mechanics and paragraphing.</p>
<p>English 101 (the course I want to be in):
This course provides instruction in writing academic analyic essays, conducting academic-level research and incorporating these sources into a research paper.</p>
<p>My score would have been significantly higher if those family and personal life questions were not on it. That knocked me down a couple points. More score "would" have been way above 100 on the test. Do you honestly believe my writing calls for multi-paragraph essay practicing?</p>
<p>Also, some of you may think I am trying to get out of a class I am suppose to take. This isn't the case. The test placed me in a below normal english course. English 101 is the typical english course that I wish to be in.</p>
<p>I understand that, given your teacher's prior evaluation of your writing ability, you feel well prepared for the standard writing course. However, based on your writing here (the essays <em>and</em> your posts), you do not appear to have a good foundation for college-level writing.</p>
<p>(It doesn't matter that you were 2 points away, or that you had personal difficulties. The only thing that matters, is that you are not a proficient, clear writer, yet.)</p>
<p>I recommend that you take the lower level class and build up your skills. This will help you not only in college but later in life.</p>
<p>Oh no no, I did not have personal difficulties. The test had family and personal questions which affect your score. Stuff such as:
How much school did your father finish?
How much school did your mother finish?
Do you work?</p>
<p>Those questions mark you down. Those essays are actually my earlier ones when the class first started. I had newer ones but they were deleted because of the computer virius I recieved that forced me to restart my computer. I didn't want to bust out my long essay which I believe showcases a lot of my writing ability. The reason I didn't post this one is because it was too long and that it had a lot of political nature that I didn't wish to discuss (just to keep things friendly). I will post a link to it in a second.</p>
<p>I used this in a debate forum. Please excuse all the coding. It is still readable.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
English Fundamentals (the course I was placed into):
This course provides practice in English composition with emphasis on the multi-paragraph essay, with a review of mechanics and paragraphing.
[/QUOTE]
</p>
<p>This sounds like exactly what you need. Maybe your teacher tought you one particular style of writing, but that is not the typical style that most essays demand. The most basic form is generally:</p>
<p>Intro paragraph: state your thesis in first two or three lines, tell them what your going to tell them.</p>
<p>3+ body paragraphs: provide specific arguments and back them up with proof. Follow the proof with analysis.</p>
<p>Conclusion: tell them what you just told them, reiterate your thesis, and sum it up in a slightly different way than you said it before.</p>
<p>This is the super basic (foundation, if you will) form of an essay, and you don't show that in any of your essays. You also need to learn how to format things like quotes. These are things you will be expected to know, and not need any help on, for the next level class. Polish these 3 essays as best as you can, making them as perfect as possible. If you have that down pat then it's different. But from what you've shown us you need to work on the basics. If you can show us a well constructed essay that shows all of the necessary basic skills, then I will sing a different tune, but from what I can see, you do not have them. What's so awful about taking an easy A class (if you are as good as you say you are)? Worst case scenario is that you get an A and brush up your skills even more.</p>
<p>While that was better, there were still typos in it, and it wasn't formatted for an academic paper. There were also a lot of aspects that are simply inapropriate for an academic paper. You should get a copy of the MLA style guide. Unless otherwise requested, that is the format an academic paper should be written in. </p>
<p>Do you plan on continuing onto a 4 year school? If so, do you have any in mind?</p>
<p>Since you believe your writing has improved since you wrote the three essays you posted here, I would suggest you take the time to write another essay specifically for your purpose. Form a strong argument about something you understand well, work on your word choice by refraining from repeating the same word too often, and if your final draft is truly on par with what is expected from your school, you'll get your wish.</p>
<p>Incidentally, if you think that a parent's level of education, family income, or time taken from studies due to unavoidable work does not affect the level of one's writing, you are sadly mistaken. And since you are complaining about this policy, I presume your parents are educated, you live well, and you haven't ever worked (the death of your father doesn't reduce level of intelligence I'm afraid). Hold yourself to a higher standard instead of complaining about rules that have specific reasons, if your writing and level of education were really at the level you assume, I doubt the placement test should have given you any trouble.</p>
<p>Some of you believe my essays don't have an essay layout. I have noted each paragraph about what it does:</p>
<p>Siddhartha Argument Essay by Dale Wallace
Introduction with a thesis
It is commonly believed that events and experiences can be fully understood and perceived accurately from another persons point of view rather than someones own self. Most would concur that reading an article on how the living situation is in any third world country is an acceptable way to perceive an event accurately. This common way of presumption is completely unbefitting and not acceptable. There are several aspects on coming to an adequate conclusion about a subject matter that are only acceptable. These ideals are exhibited in a novel written by Hermann Hesse called Siddhartha.</p>
<p>Supporting argument 1 with an asserting position:
Siddhartha is about a boy named Siddhartha Gotama who grew up in his younger years as a Brahman. Siddhartha has already known what the eldest and most wise of the Brahmans knew as an adolescent. He believed that living everyday with rituals and traditions, to reach bodha (awakened) when no one else has ever done so that way, was a waste of time. Siddhartha believed that there must be another path to achieve awakenedness. Finally, Siddhartha and his friend named Govinda left on a search of enlightenment. Throughout the rest of the novel Siddhartha learned things he never knew before and experienced things in person, in search of a way to achieve enlightenment, rather than perceiving how things are by yourself.</p>
<p>Supporting argument 2 with textual evidence rather than assertion:
The Buddha expressed in the Sutra of The Four Noble Truths that enlightenment can be achieved when one possesses the four noble truths. These four noble truths are, know suffering, abandon origins which are a cause for suffering, attain cessations, know there is an end to suffering, and practice the eightfold path that leads out of suffering. The aesthetics attempt to achieve enlightenment by fasting, meditating, abandoning ones self. It seems logical that these methods would satisfy The Four Noble Truths. Siddharta believes these conventional methods will not help one attain enlightenment as expressed by Siddhartha There is one thing that this clear, worthy instruction does not contain; it does not contain the secret of what the Illustrious One himself experiencedhe alone among hundreds of thousands. That is what I thought and realized when I heard your teachings. That is why I am going on my waynot to seek another doctrine, for I know there is none, but to leave all doctrines and all teachers and to reach my goal aloneor die. Siddhartha understood that enlightenment can not be taught but that it has to brought on by ones own will.</p>
<p>Supporting argument 3 with textual evidence rather than assertion:
Inadvertently, Siddhartha subsequently possessed The Four Noble Truths at the time of his enlightenment. The first noble truth is know suffering. His life with the aesthetics involved losing his desire for property, clothing, sexuality, and all sustenance except that required to live. One would learn to fast, to endure terrible weather conditions, such as the extreme cold, the extreme heat, etc. This is inadvertently how Siddhartha possesses Dukkha, The first Noble Truth. Siddhartha expresses this - Siddhartha learned a great deal from the Samanas; he learned many ways of losing the Self. He traveled along the path of self-denial through pain, through voluntary suffering and conquering of pain, through hunger, thirst and fatigue. He traveled the way of self-denial through meditation, through the emptying of the mind through all images. Along these and other paths did he learn to travel. He lost his Self a thousand times and for days on end he dwelt in non-being. But although the paths took him away from self, in the end they always led back to it. Siddhartha even understands but doesnt connect the fact that he is actually gradually attaining enlightenment by experiencing each of what he is learning and that what he learned while with the Samanas was several of The Noble Truths. The second Noble Truth is to abandon origins which are a cause for suffering. When Siddhartha left his father and his whole childhood behind to become a Samana, he, again inadvertently attained Samudaya by abandoning his origins. The third Noble Truth is Nirodha, which is knowing there is an end to suffering. And Siddhartha's soul returned, had died, had decayed, was scattered as dust, had tasted the gloomy intoxication of the cycle, awaited in new thirst like a hunter in the gap, where he could escape from the cycle, where the end of the causes, where an eternity without suffering began. Moreover, Siddhartha learned about the end of his own suffering when he was with the Ferryman and he learned to speak to the river. The forth Noble Truth is knowing The Eightfold Path. This is the part of The Noble Truths that Siddhartha wholly learned from his traveling.</p>
<p>Connecting each argument as a whole and simply concluding the essay.
Siddhartha knew subconsciously that enlightenment is best not to be perceived at a distance. The Brahmans, Samanas, and the Buddhas teachings, none of them actually evolved putting themselves in the whole cycle and making perceptions then. They actually involve perceiving how things are from a distance and believing this is adequate. This is what helped Siddhartha to become enlightened. Siddhartha actually put himself in the world. When someone reads the news, they act like it is acceptable for them to make whole hearted conclusions. One can try, but not wholly and accurately, to learn of events by themselves and not actually perceive the event in person and have the emotions acquainted with being present. This ideal makes Siddhartha actually selfless by wanting to find out the world for himself and actually evolve himself in such events.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Since you believe your writing has improved since you wrote the three essays you posted here, I would suggest you take the time to write another essay specifically for your purpose. Form a strong argument about something you understand well, work on your word choice by refraining from repeating the same word too often, and if your final draft is truly on par with what is expected from your school, you'll get your wish.</p>
<p>Incidentally, if you think that a parent's level of education, family income, or time taken from studies due to unavoidable work does not affect the level of one's writing, you are sadly mistaken. And since you are complaining about this policy, I presume your parents are educated, you live well, and you haven't ever worked (the death of your father doesn't reduce level of intelligence I'm afraid). Hold yourself to a higher standard instead of complaining about rules that have specific reasons, if your writing and level of education were really at the level you assume, I doubt the placement test should have given you any trouble.
[/quote]
The counselor told me not having a job brings your score down. I do not have a job. The amount of time I inputed into the computer that I will be spending studing for each class also brought down my score. I didn't know about the college system until after I took this test. I put down 1 hour per unit rather than 2 hours. This brought down my score.</p>
<p>And to clarify, I am by no means rich.</p>
<p>you shouldnt have to EXPLAIN your essays. they should do the EXPLAINING for you. A truly good academic essay could be put in the hands of anyone with you on the other side of the continent, and the reader would know EXACTLY what you're talking about, regardless of whether they agree with you or not. </p>
<p>Your essays do not do that. An overwhelmingly large percentage of the people who have responded to this topic are in agreement that the essays you wish to present to challenge your placement score would not help you in the slightest if put up against the board of English faculty who will be reviewing them. I have been follwing this topic since the first post, laying low, to see if you would get it... however, you seem to be hard-headed... you're just not getting it. To most high school teachers, these essays are C, MAYBE C+ material. They're average, nothing special. </p>
<p>Rife with the most basic no-no's like spelling mistakes (ie. "THERE father of the family acts like anything but a father"), 5 dollars words where a 50 cent one will do, and archaic sentence structure that just sounds flat out WOODEN, these essays are high school amateur at best.</p>
<p>Just face it dude, you took the test and tried your best.. but you just didn't make the cut. The placement that you are in is where you should be. Dont try to fight it (especially not with THOSE examples of your "articulate" and "scholarly" writing skills).</p>
<p>RBase07,</p>
<p>Exactly. I should not have to explain my essays. Some people actually called my essay's "book reports" which is profusely erroneous. I guess there are people out there who need explaination. My essays have a thesis, textual evidence which supports the thesis (rather than assertion), supporting arguments, and a conclusion. I believe the people who have read my essays are so used to their "A's" doing a nonsensical argument essay on the commonly known that they refuse to admit my literary essays are a possible model for writing. Here is evidence supporting my writing model as a writing model:</p>
<p>Another thing which is fustrating is people are using doing straw man arguments with me which forces me to reiterate my assertion.</p>
<p>I'll say it again. I was placed into the class because of my personal life questions. I don't have a job so the test marked me down a couple points which put me in English Fundaments.</p>