<p>I don't think it's erroneous that your essays read like book reports. Don't regurgitate the novel; illuminate it. When writing a scholarly essay, you should be writing to an educated audience, presumably one that has read the book. We don't need plot details. We want analysis.</p>
<p>And of the three tenets of an argumentative essay provided by the website you reference, none exist in your essays in a scholarly, insightful, in-depth manner.</p>
<p>lanie22,</p>
<p>Oh really? I'll explain what my Othello essays is saying. It is commonly percieved that jealousy is an emotion derived off of someones envy towards another person. This apprehension of jealousy is completely erroneous per the novel Othello by William Shakespeare. In the novel a man named Othello has a strong emotion of jealousy towards Cassio. This emotion of jealousy is derived from the fact that he believes his wife is having an affair behind his back with Cassio. This novel adequately demonstrates that jealousy is actually derived from someones inadequacies and insecurities with one's self rather than envy of another person. In the body paragraph of the essay I would proffer my thesis with textual evidence, with an explanation, and I would connect the textual evidence to my thesis by the evidence supporting the thesis. Make sense now? T__T</p>
<p>(I actually like this intro better than my previous one in the actual essay.)</p>
<p>"It is commonly percieved that jealousy is an emotion derived off of someones envy towards another person."</p>
<p>I just feel like you need to explore that more instead of merely using it as a lead-in for your intro. Make it an entire body paragraph. Plus, isn't that supposed common perception kind of just the definition of jealousy? What's its actual cause?</p>
<p>"In the novel a man named Othello has a strong emotion of jealousy towards Cassio. This emotion of jealousy is derived from the fact that he believes his wife is having an affair behind his back with Cassio. This novel adequately demonstrates that jealousy is actually derived from someones inadequacies and insecurities with one's self rather than envy of another person."</p>
<p>Okay, this did help me. I think what you're trying to say is that Othello (Why "a man named Othello"? Just say his name.) is jealous of Cassio not due to the assumed affections his wife displays for Cassio but instead because he is insecure. Hence, he's not really jealous at all, but instead he's furious with the situation and was pretty unstable to begin with. You could cite all the conclusions Othello jumps to and his willingness to trust in Iago. I'd go beyond the example of Othello, even. What drives Iago to do what he does? His desire to obtain power or social status? His urge to claim revenge or exert his authority after being passed over for this position? Are racial issues at play here? And, after all, doesn't this all come down to Iago's own insecurity?</p>
<p>I'm pretty sure I understand what you're saying. I just don't think you're saying it in a logical or coherent style, let alone in a format that an English department would deem proper. Then again, these are (relatively) simple things to mend.</p>
<p>"In the body paragraph of the essay I would proffer my thesis with textual evidence, with an explanation, and I would connect the textual evidence to my thesis by the evidence supporting the thesis."</p>
<p>You don't have to tell us this because teachers, students, etc. assume that in an analytical essay like this you are going to show evidence and relate the evidence to your thesis. </p>
<p>Also, I think it's better if you vary sentence patterns and use an active voice. Right now, all I see is subject + predicate and the essay would be more interesting if you changed it up. Plus, try to write in present tense instead of past. The grammar and structure definitely needs some work.</p>
<p>
[quote]
"It is commonly percieved that jealousy is an emotion derived off of someones envy towards another person."</p>
<p>I just feel like you need to explore that more instead of merely using it as a lead-in for your intro. Make it an entire body paragraph. Plus, isn't that supposed common perception kind of just the definition of jealousy? What's its actual cause?
[/quote]
This very thesis is what my entire essay will consist of. This is exactly what a scholarly argumentative essay does. It states the obvious and presents a different perspective on the issue with evidence from a work of literature. I believe this is the problem people were having reading my essays. They only understand the "common" perception of an event. They don't understand how there can be another view, such as my jealousy argument.</p>
<p>
[quote]
"In the novel a man named Othello has a strong emotion of jealousy towards Cassio. This emotion of jealousy is derived from the fact that he believes his wife is having an affair behind his back with Cassio. This novel adequately demonstrates that jealousy is actually derived from someones inadequacies and insecurities with one's self rather than envy of another person."</p>
<p>Okay, this did help me. I think what you're trying to say is that Othello (Why "a man named Othello"? Just say his name.)
[/quote]
It didn't feel proper without it. That is just my opinion.</p>
<p>
[quote]
...is jealous of Cassio not due to the assumed affections his wife displays for Cassio but instead because he is insecure. Hence, he's not really jealous at all, but instead he's furious with the situation and was pretty unstable to begin with.
[/quote]
He is furious because of his jealousy. This whole novel comes down to one main point, and that is jealousy. Iago knew Othello's weakness and fed off of it. My view of jealousy is contradistinctive to the common perception of jealousy. Throughout the essay it will explain why jeolousy is not about envy but about inadequacies and insecurities with one's self.</p>
<p>
[quote]
You could cite all the conclusions Othello jumps to and his willingness to trust in Iago. I'd go beyond the example of Othello, even. What drives Iago to do what he does? His desire to obtain power or social status? His urge to claim revenge or exert his authority after being passed over for this position? Are racial issues at play here? And, after all, doesn't this all come down to Iago's own insecurity?
[/quote]
I see where you are coming from. The only problem is if I bring up desires for social status, power struggle, revenge, or racial issues, is it adding or staying with my thesis? - No. I have to stick with evidence that pertains to my thesis.</p>
<p>AK1031,</p>
<p>Oh no no, I rewrote the thesis within the comment to better explain my essay. My thesis is this:</p>
<p>"It is commonly percieved that jealousy is an emotion derived off of someones envy towards another person. This apprehension of jealousy is completely erroneous per the novel Othello by William Shakespeare. In the novel a man named Othello has a strong emotion of jealousy towards Cassio. This emotion of jealousy is derived from the fact that he believes his wife is having an affair behind his back with Cassio. This novel adequately demonstrates that jealousy is actually derived from someones inadequacies and insecurities with one's self rather than envy of another person."</p>
<p>All the other additional information is side notes for him.</p>
<p>Well - I think you are not really interested in what anyone else says. </p>
<p>Given that, submit whatever essay you like best. I don't think it will matter.</p>
<p>TheCaliforniaLife, NotReady4Purple hit the nail on the head-- "Well - I think you are not really interested in what anyone else says.</p>
<p>Given that, submit whatever essay you like best. I don't think it will matter."</p>
<p>The fact that you responded to my post with "Exactly" shows you never read nor cared about the 20 minutes I spent on your dilemma, if you can quite call it that. I literally tore your essays apart, and your "exactly" agreed with me.. i dont get it. YOUR ESSAYS ARE NOT UP TO SNUFF. if you submit those, nothing will be changed about your placement, and you will probably be laughed out of the room. You are just not listening...</p>
<p>"
Location: California
Posts: 87</p>
<p>lanie22,</p>
<p>Oh really? I'll explain what my Othello essays is saying. It is commonly percieved that jealousy is an emotion derived off of someones envy towards another person. This apprehension of jealousy is completely erroneous per the novel Othello by William Shakespeare. In the novel a man named Othello has a strong emotion of jealousy towards Cassio. This emotion of jealousy is derived from the fact that he believes his wife is having an affair behind his back with Cassio. This novel adequately demonstrates that jealousy is actually derived from someones inadequacies and insecurities with one's self rather than envy of another person. In the body paragraph of the essay I would proffer my thesis with textual evidence, with an explanation, and I would connect the textual evidence to my thesis by the evidence supporting the thesis. Make sense now? T__T</p>
<p>(I actually like this intro better than my previous one in the actual essay.)"</p>
<p>^^^ dude.. you dont sound articulate at all when you pretend to be smart.. you sound like a dweeb using words like "proffer" and "contradistinctive".. they're unneccessary. MUST I provide for you an example of a GOOD scholarly essay??</p>
<p>wow.. I didnt realize the paragraphs would be all screwy.. </p>
<p>here's a better essay of mine anyway:</p>
<p>Assignment: Defend or refute this statement: Art, with, with its undiminished authority, justifies other forms of authority, makes inequality seem bold, and makes hierarchies seem thrilling.</p>
<p>Disney Films: Corrupted by the Almighty Dollar</p>
<pre><code>In the last twenty years, the artistic medium of two-dimensional animated films, or cartoon movies, as many viewers refer to them, has found a comfortable niche in pop culture, and a soft spot in the hearts of many viewers. In addition, mega corporations like Disney have gone even further to secure a major role in the education of todays youth. But what kind of education are studios like Disney feeding our children? What could todays youth possibly be learning about life from the likes of Aladdin or Lady and the Tramp? In short, what authoritative influences do Disneys animated films possess on modern American society?
Take one look at the room of nearly any typical young American child, and the widespread influence of the classic Disney films is clear: Jasmine (Aladdin) dolls, Pocahontas bed sheets and comforters, along with countless Disney merchandise are pretty much a given in the dwelling of Americas youth and have a pretty big influence on the upbringing of our children. Ask nearly any child under the age of ten who their role model or leader is. I doubt most eight-year-olds would name Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, or Franklin Delano Roosevelt as their role models. However, it would be pretty easy to find an eight-year old to rattle off Aladdin, Jasmine, Hercules, and even Simba (who, by the way, is an animated lion cub) as his or her greatest influences.
The point is, art holds a ton of influence in American society, and with the advent of multi-lingual capabilities impossible only a few decades ago, such as subtitling and alternate languages offered in Spanish, French, and Japanese, among many others, it is clear that the authority of cartoon art seen in many Disney films is beginning to bleed into other societies and establish itself as a medium capable of generating serious revenue for major corporations. For corporations like Disney, this is just great. But as Disney makes millions of dollars drawing cartoons as consumers blindly fill their pockets with Ben Franklin bills, one cant help but wonder if the quality of these films is being sacrificed for the sake of a quick buck. In a nutshell, what kinds of themes are our children being exposed to in Disney movies?
</code></pre>
<p>I would like the answer to the above question to be something along the lines of pure, wholesome family values. However, I know that this cannot be the case, at least for many Disney movies. Many of the most successful Disney classics have undergone harsh scrutiny from critics for the overt presence of sexist, racist, and anti-Semitic themes. And unfortunately, much of this criticism is well deserved. Many times, a single glance at the title of a Disney film is all it takes to get the gist of the stereotypes within.
More than a few popular Disney movies fall victim to this rule. Beauty and the Beast? Unauthorized objectification of beauty and blunt categorization of what it means to be beautiful. In The Lion King, the animal kingdom is subjected to the flaws within the hierarchical social and political structure of the human world: in the movie, all three of the kings of Pride Rock are male lions (Mustafa, Simba, and Scar). The Aristocats? Lady and the Tramp? Shameless classism.</p>
<pre><code>An even closer look at just a few of these films grants even more stunning revelations about their true messages. In each of the last two, separatism between groups occurs solely on the basis of differences of class and race. In Lady and the Tramp, the two dog lovers cannot be together because of their difference in class. The logic? Apparently, because the lady is a lady and the tramp is, well, a tramp, a relationship between the two is utterly impossible. However, it seems that Disney forgot the two are of the same species: dog. So whats really stopping them from being together? Obviously, Disneys views on class and social hierarchy.
In The Aristocats, much the same situation occurs. In this film, the well-to-do aristocats cannot be seen mingling with cats of lower class because of their elevated social status. And why? Its not because they dress better. While it is true that said aristocats can afford more expensive garments, the real reason, Disney shows in the film, is because there is already a well-established hierarchy among the cats; an upset within the social structure would mean the collapse of cat society. And, as seen in nearly every Disney film to date, utter catastrophe resulting in end-movie plot irresolution is impossible. Thus, in both of these films, hierarchy must be established, justified, and ultimately, glorified.
And these are some of Disneys less controversial films. Others, such as The Lion King, have garnered much more attention from critics and members of minority groups. This film upset the gay community because the villain Scar (note he is a villain) made several questionably gay comments, spoke with a lisp, and was overtly flamboyant. However, given the amount of publication on films like these, I chose to analyze another, less publicized Disney work to see if my theory about the evil corporation still held true. To accomplish this, I went back to one of my favorite Disney classics, Hercules.
From the opening scenes, Disney throws heroism into the audiences face. Imposing its lofty ideals on both the protagonist and the audience, Disney makes its intentions for Hercules clear. The message seems to be, Viewers, make no mistake about it: this movie is about ancient Greek gods, and our films central character and namesake, Hercules, with his rippling muscles, flowing blond air, and sparkling eyes as blue as the Mediterranean Sea, looks every bit the part. If he doesnt do anything else right, at least hell look like a hotshot. And from the movies opening scene, the baby boy is set up for success. Glowing a bright yellow hue along with his godly parents Zeus and Hera on the cumulus landscape of Mount Olympus, the baby Herc is clearly destined for victory against any potential threats. From the get-go, the picture painted early on of the privileged, pampered, and well-protected youngster who will grow up to be a sword-slinging Grecian endowed with the athletic prowess of a high-school jock. All he needs is a halo.
</code></pre>
<br>
<blockquote> <blockquote> <blockquote> <p>CONTINUED</p> </blockquote> </blockquote> </blockquote>
<br>
<p>Hi rbase,</p>
<p>What school did you finally choose?</p>
<p>I know you are trying to help but I think you should remove your essay as you don't want to contribute to someone plagarising your work.</p>
<p>Well, I was accepted at the University of Maryland- College Park, the University of Pittsburgh, Howard University, and Morehouse College, but in the end I decided on Morehouse. I think I'm going to be happy.</p>
<p>I'll remove these essays in a couple of hours or so, as I am concerned about plaigarism, but I think it's important that TheCaliforniaLife read them first. He doesnt seem to get it when we put it in plain english.</p>
<p>You only get 20 minutes to edit and remove stuff from CC. (after that you will have to contact the moderator to take them off).</p>
<p>I hope you have an amazing time at Morehouse. One of my nephews graduated from there a few years ago and still calls it his best 4 years. My D's best friend is at Spelman and loving it.</p>
<p>shucks.. you're right about the 20 minutes thing. I havent been on CC in so long that I forgot that stuff. I'll get a mod to take it off in a at 1:00.. until then, I just have to hope that no one has the gall to steal another man's writing.</p>
<p>RBase07,</p>
<p>Thank you for posting those essays. I really can't help it if my verbiage is of that magitude. My teacher gave my "B's" on most my essays but he told me to unarticulate my word choice just like you are saying. I enjoy using sophisticated diction. I guess for the generalized population it is best for my to unarticulate as much as possible. I believe my writing skills have come more up to par since I wrote those essays. Those were written in the beginning of the year when I was still knew with the model. Do you honestly believe that I need to take this class over the regular english class? The class I was placed into is a subpar class for those who need help to be up to college standards.</p>
<p>English 101 (the course I want to be in):
This course provides instruction in writing academic analyic essays, conducting academic-level research and incorporating these sources into a research paper.</p>
<p>If my score would have been 2 points higher I would have been placed into the normal class.</p>
<p>I'm not hardheaded. It is just fustrating having people tell me my essays are nothing like scholarly essays. I'm was a senior writing grad student type papers. Give me a little leeway as I have tried by best when first attempting these types of essays.</p>
<p>You weren't using sophisticated diction, you were just using large words. Do you know what diction is? You also need to get a good grasp on some BASIC english skills, like the differences between knew, new, know, now, their, there, they're, those kinds of things. This thread is filled with mistakes like that, and a college level "scholarly writer" should know these things.</p>
<p>To everyone else on here who keeps pumping our time into this thread:</p>
<p>Dude, he's still calling Othello a novel. . . We should all just stop. He seems convinced that he is the perfect scholarly writer, and his writing needs no help. Lets just let him screw himself. As soon as he gets his first grade back, he will realise we were all right. It's his life.</p>
<p>I agree with equine. TheCaliforniaLife, let the answer to the last question you asked me stand where it is. You know where I stand.</p>
<p>lets just let this topic rest.</p>
<p>and by the way, if you werent getting A's on those essays like you just said, you really dont deserve to be in the advanced class.</p>
<p>OK.. since I'm done trying to convince this guy that he should be in the class he was originally placed in <strong><em>hint hint @ TheCaliforniaLife</em></strong>, can a moderator please edit out my essays from this thread? thank you</p>