I'm depressed...

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>I'm depressed...not like I'm thinking of suicide or anything-I could never do that to myself and my loved ones...but I've let so much stress, sadness, and more bottle up inside that I just want to run away and start a new life. </p>

<p>My schoolwork (which is stressul for everyone) is not the source for my depressed mood, but the stress doesn't exactly help either. I take a full IB courseload which I found fine junior year, but this year I have a lot of new teachers who assign so much in addition to Ib curriculum that I literally have a test/quiz/paper/oral presentation everyday of the week...I even came home in tears the first day of school (so did many of my friends) b/c we were already assigned so much homework...I even had 2 quizes the first day back and had tons of summer homework to turn in...I literally haven't watched a minute of tv since school started-even on the weekends-b/c I have NO FREE TIME--not an exageration...and it's not like I'm a perfectionist who takes 3 hours to do one assignment, either. I get an average of 4 hours of sleep per night, too. This is how insane my teachers/school are.</p>

<p>On top of all that, my "friends" have never truly acted like friends. Even since freshman year when I had a social life, people treated me poorly. Why? B/c of the way I look. I would not consider myself ugly..I actually think I am pretty...except I have a horribly crooked nose and ears that stick out so much and so far that i cant hide them under my hair. I get made fun of all the time-like every day of my life-both behind my back and to my face. This happens at school, out in public, and even with my extended family! This Christmas I overheard my uncle making fun of me for my ears and another aunt who I LOVED trash talking about me to another aunt about spending too much time on schoolwork--even though i am consumed w/ other stuff like volunteering, sports, newspaper, etc. If I can't even feel happy and confortable around my family, how am I supposed to go off to college and find friends? I feel like my flaws are keeping me from living my life and wanting to even go out in public. I'm hesitant to get surgery, though, b/c I don't want to have to face friends/family about having it done-if they make fun of my for my flaws, I KNOW they will make fun of me for having plastic surgery. I just don't want to have to go to college the way I am now or live the rest of my life so insecure about my looks...its all i can think about only b/c its what other people constantly think about and point out. How do I tell my parents I want surgery b4 college, and how could i ever face my friends/relatives again if I come back from college looking different..they'd only make fun of me.</p>

<p>Even people I thought were my friends make fun of me when I'm in the room but they think i don't know they are mocking me...im very perceptive and have put two and two together on many things..ive seen them make their noses/ears look like mine and laugh out of the corner of my eye and whatnot. I even have a whole classroom of people who make fun of me thinking i dont know and the teacher is oblivious to it...they find little, normal things i do to make fun of just b/c they think they can b/c of the way i look...literally a whole classroom doing nothing but making hand gestures and whispering about me the whole time...its hell.</p>

<p>And I'm not some loner freak who slits her wrists in the corner. I'm nice to everyone, outgoing, funny, upbeat, etc. but people dont even give me a chance b/c of the way i look and now i have no friends or have lost my old friends after they realized i'm not "cool" or acceptable as a friend.</p>

<p>There's my life story summed up in one long rant. Any advice for me...i'm greatly in need as you can tell.</p>

2

<p>It might seem like you have these massive, obtrusive ears and nose which are the only things everyone sees but this is just not the case. I was overweight with braces in high school and I dated very attractive girls because I stopped focusing on my weaknesses and started focusing on what set me apart and my strengths. Tomorrow, I would go to school with a new perspective, in fact, don't view the world in this mode at all. </p>

<p>If you REALLY want to forget about all of your flaws just find them in everyone else. You'll see how imperfect everyone is.</p>

3

<p>the only way to get around ur friends and family is acting the way you are, be you. don't care if they think that you have big ears, they aren't perfect either. I know how u look counts in high school but when u go to college u'll meet some ppl like ur friends and then u'll meet people that like u for ur personality and from where i stand, ur perfect. I like ur personality very much and that's what counts... if ur really feeling sad than think about how smart u are and compare it to the other people- they're not half as smart, loving, and caring as you and i know that.</p>

<p>Hope this makes u feel better, hang in there!</p>

4

<p>I love that Ivybound11... that's like the nice version of what I said.</p>

5

<p>I get what you are saying, but I have never felt bad about my "flaws." Up until late middleschool I wasn't made fun of for them and so I didn't even realize I was "different." When I started being made fun of and excluded in middle school, I didn't understand what was so bad about the way i looked...I still dont get why people make fun of me or anyone else with flaws...so my perspective of myself is fine...the problem is that others make it a problem my completely excluding me/making fun of me/spreading lies about me just because they can. I was walking down the hall they day before Christmas break, and 2 girls in their junior year who ive never even met but recognized one of them said "God, I hate that girl" right to my face and started laughing! I've never even spoken to them! It's like my flaws are ruining my life even though I'm not letting them on my own. I am an innately social, outgoing, kind person but NOBODY but my teachers who are actually mature overlook any flaw. That is why I have such a dilemna. I can't fix the problem by myself b/c it's not like I'm obsessing about my flaws when others could care less. Its the opposite. Even times like when I go to a baseball game or tour colleges I get stared at and laughed at by passersby. Some have even come up to me and made comments like "OMG you have the biggest ears ever." Seriously, what kind of world am I living in? I know it wont be better in colllege for me b/c i get made fun of by the college kids when I tour or whatnot...i really just want to have surgery and get it over with, but I also feel so ashamed or embarrassed at having to come back from college to visit friends or my family at christmas and stuff and having to explain it to them...they already make fun of me the way it is...MY OWN HUGE EXTENDED FAMILY! It's like my option is to not get surgery and suffer in college, or get the surgery and a new start in college but then suffer at home when I see the people I knew before. What am i supposed to do then-never come to another family get-together again or hang out with people over break when everyone else does?</p>

6

<p>Life works like this. Nobody knows what is normal or good so the people that determine it are the ones who are the most confident or in the greatest numbers. Just rock the dumbo ears like they are what everyone else should have and it'll catch on. If people make fun of your ears hit them back with another insult and fight fire with fire. But be kind about it, there is an entirely creative socio-manipulative strategy to life and you should figure out how to use it to your advantage versus being victimized by it because you weren't handed easy genetics.</p>

7

<p>I've tried that for years, believe me, and once thought that would work. But when NOBODY I know besides teachers, parents, grandparents, and a few aunts/uncles can look past it, then I can't ignore it any longer...I feel so alone and don't want to suffer anymore b/c it's not going to be better anytime soon, maybe never, because "life works like that." Even if I fight fire with fire, it doesnt change peoples behavior with me, and I am still left with no friends. You can say, "hang in there, you've got your parents, and God, and whoever" and I know that...but its not enough. I want to be accepted by SOMEONE! ANYONE! I've even inclluded the new kids who are made fun of at first at school but they eventually all left me as well...I don't think I've ever had a real friend..ever...and I can't understand why when I've NEVER made fun of someone, yelled at them, lied to them, etc. I learned when I was young how cruel people could be so I promised myself never to be like that..but apparently people dont care how good of a person i am...i'm just useless matter to them and something to give their self-esteem a boost.</p>

8

<p>This is a perfect example of why treating everyone with kindness is a blind rule.</p>

<p>Look I can understand the sentiment, when I was in the 7th grade I had no friends. Like a racking total of zero (0) friends. I used to listen to the radio, watch TLC (back when they were ACTUALLY The Learning Channel) and work on computers. I was so depressed I would beg my parents not to take me to school. The entire way there I would ask them to let me stay home sick. That year was such a low for me that I never forgot what it feels like to be alone but what I've told you are ways of coming out of that without surgery or drastic physical changes. </p>

<p>I'm not telling you to be a cruel, cold-hearted person. I'm trying to tell you to take charge and not just say "life works like that" and give up. But rather understand how the system works and exploit it. Honestly, do you think that everyone else goes home at night and thinks "God, I'm perfect!" and falls asleep? Every one of your classmates wants to be either stronger, skinnier, smarter or more popular so don't feel so alone.</p>

9

<p>Yeah everyone has things they want to change..i could think of more about me if i cared...but at least they have a life...no matter what I do in my 17 years I haven't had a friend, haven't been invited to a sleepover, etc. Nobody lets me have a life and THAT is when I can no longer say life works like that...b/c that is saying life is having no life...other people who see flaws don't worry about them 24/7 b/c they get made fun of every day, excluded by everyone, and at least have some friends/family who are nice to them. I get everyone wishes they could change something about them, but I'd give anything to merely have that problem than my own. There's no comparison.</p>

10

<p>im going to tell u a little about myself.. my mom's extended family thinks im a total retard. their kids are so freakin smart and im so different from them, we live in 2 different worlds. Coffee u have to stop listening to other people, look how threedude managed his life. evrybody has ups and downs but u gotta live with them, that's life and i know it sucks but its going to get better</p>

11

<p>okay coffee if we ever meet, i'm sure we'll have a sleepover and we'll go crazy..</p>

12

<p>"evrybody has ups and downs but u gotta live with them"
-that's just it--i've had no ups since i was 5 and accepted by others. I would care less about what other's thought if "other's" didn't mean everyone ive met besides parents/teachers and "thought" didnt turn into "victimize every day." It's not that easy...</p>

13

<p>Exactly, Ivybound11. I forgot to add to my story that I have probably 300-400 numbers in my phone book now and I get calls for some type of party/gathering 3 or 4 times a week. </p>

<p>Life does turn around but rarely does it happen automatically. I suppose there are several methods of making this happen and mine just happens to be very aggressive. See what works for you.</p>

14

<p>I FEEL FOR YOU!!!!!!!! As a fellow IB student, I think I can truly relate, as well with friends. It seems like many of my "friends" ditched me too and I will admit to have broken down in depression. YOU CAN'T LET IT GET TO YOU!! You are so close to college and interacting with more mature people. Who cares about your nose or ears.I'm sorry, but anyone who makes fun of you for that is a jerk. But, if your friends laugh at a joke, there hhave been times where i've done tht not on purpose and felt bad. If they do it agaon, I would approach them with the issue. Communication is key!</p>

15

<p>coffee u have 'ups' in ur life.. you've smiled and laughed and you have 2 people here that don't even know you and they're trying to cheer you up.. i would count that as a 'up'</p>

16

<p>I have talked to them about it...I've asked them why they are making fun of me when I obviously can see/hear, but they:
a) ignore me and walk away
b) laugh more until i am forced to walk away
c) deny they were making fun of me and then laugh/walk away
d) make fun of me more to my face</p>

17

<p>I know I have "ups" but they only happen when I am alone typing on my laptop or at church where i at least feel some sense of community even though i get stared at in church---ive even heard people behind me make fun of me and then go get communion..boy do they need it...i cant escape it and i want-no need- to have "ups" with others and not just on a computer...</p>

18

<p>okay don't try to confront ur friends because that'll make it worse.. they're going to be like what is she talking about in front of u. sweetie try to make the best out of each day.. u only have a few more years in high school and then ur going to go into college and that's where the fun begins. for now just try to pretend nothing is happening and ur 17 so next its college for u</p>

19

<p>have you ever heard the phrase "IB a geek today, IB your boss tomorrow"? lol</p>

<p>I've felt like I don't belong here my entire high school career. I have friends but none that I would call "real" friends..... but all I've been banking on for the past 3 years is getting out and getting to college. Just focus on what you want to do with your future, and you'll get there. No one's going to know you next year, and if you start over with a fresh, I-don't-care-what-you-think attitude, people will get to know you better and look past your appearances.</p>

20

<p>Are you a masochist? Because seriously your problem is not original. There are plenty of people that struggled with THAT issue, whatever that may be. I know you feel really down right now but you need to understand that life is more of a roller coaster than a rolling snowball. Maybe high school is shot for you, which it probably isn't, in that case you shouldn't worry about what everyone thinks because you are heading to college in a year and that'll give you a chance to start over. </p>

<p>However, the reason I stress a personality change over plastic surgery is because I'm afraid that after you have that surgery you'll find one other thing to nit pick about and THAT will become the new issue. You have to address the fundamental problem not just the specifics. </p>

<p>I knew a guy who thought the reason he could never make friends was because his name was too bland. I swear to god he just couldn't shake this idea that if he had a more unique name people would flock to him and he used to have the same logic about the issues and the harassment. I still remember how hard it was to make him understand that it wasn't his name but how he viewed the world that kept him back. I'm sharing this with you because I hope how ridiculous his story sounds will make you laugh... but now think about how simple your solution is?</p>