i'm homesick and should i transfer?

Parents Forum
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<p>I thought parents would be best to ask:</p>

<p>I used to think that this was my dream school, and I really enjoyed my first semester. I had friends and my roommate and I were quite similar and life was good. It's second semester, and things keep getting worse, and I don't know why. </p>

<p>The people I used to hang out with don't bother to check up on me or hang out with me, and I have a feeling my roommate talks badly of me, and I don't even know why. A lot of the activities that are available on campus are by interview only, and with all of the activities i've applied for, i've gotten through the first round of applicants, and then i'm cut. I'm in really hard classes right now, and it's hardly easy for me to get A's or even B+'s like i used to. I rushed, didn't get in, but then the sorority that i wanted to be in (where I thought my "friends" were) gave me a bid, which was nice. Unfortunately, the girls that I was good friends with before suddenly changed and were hardly kind to me anymore. I have no idea what i did! I was supposed to room with a girl in the house, but then she decided that she wanted to room with another girl instead, so I'm S.O.L. right now, and again, I don't know what to do. Our school has a huge frat scene, and I want to go out and have fun like i used to, but nobody ever invites me out, and generally I ask to go out, but others always say that they're going out already with some other people and imply that they don't want me there. I'm sick of imposing myself, so i just don't ask. I don't want to complain to anyone about it because I know that I would get sick of people complaining to me.</p>

<p>I'm far, far away from home, and all of this nonsense has made me extremely homesick. I was supposed to go on a spring break trip with my sorority, but I'm just so homesick I have to go home. Generally, I'm a very loving and optimistic person, and I'm just waiting for my luck to turn around, but it hasnt for months. </p>

<p>I do have friends, but they are hardly what i would consider close to me. All of this is making me feel very second-rate and i've been considering transferring. the only problem is that I was so excited to go to school here, and everyone was extremely excited for me. I'm afraid that if i transfer, my mother will be upset and people will think poorly of me.</p>

<p>what should I do? Thanks</p>

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<p>Well, the heck with that. Just consider what YOU want to do.</p>

<p>Given that you’re a freshman, things may still turn around. You don’t know. But in case they don’t, you might want to play it cautious by applying to transfer to a school closer to home that you think you might prefer. If things turn around where you are, then you’ll drop your plan to transfer. But if they don’t, then you’ll be ready to move on.</p>

<p>Did you have friends in HS? Is there a personality to your college that perhaps doesn’t mesh with yours? Different schools do attract different types of people. </p>

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<p>Do you really have to go home? if you have an opportunity to get closer to some people from college, why not take advantage of it? I have a feeling that going home for spring break will only cement your decision to leave this school. That might be the right move – but I think you’ll have more information if you go on spring break with these people.</p>

<p>Consider whether the people at your school aren’t “your” kind of people, or consider whether you’re homesick and being anywhere right now would be tough. The solution to each of those problems is different.</p>

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<p>I agree^^^^^ don’t go home for spring break, go w/ your sorority. It may be just the thing that you need to get things to turn around. College, just like life is stressful and sometimes people change. If you go, you may have an excellent time when you get away from the stressers that go along with college. </p>

<p>My instincts tell me that I should tell you to stick it out and you will regret it if you don’t. We all go through times, when we want to run away, ( or even run home) but I guarentee you that most will tell you that they are happy that they stuck through and were better for it.</p>

<p>Basically, what I am trying to say is, give it a little bit longer before you pull out and transfer. Yes, you have to be happy, but it sounds like your college has a large population and that means a better chance to find people that you can grow closer to. Also, you may want to talk to the friends that you use to feel closer to, because you might find out that there was a misunderstanding that you weren’t even aware of and good communication can help to solve your feelings.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>If your are going to school in the NE, people could just be in bad mood because of the weather. The first semester, everyone is usually very excited, trying to make new friends. The second semester, people start feeling like it’s same old same old.</p>

<p>My daughter who is a senior in college, usually complains to me about this time of the year about all her “best friends.” She lived across the hall from one of her good freinds freshman year (they are are still very close), by April D1 was really kill her friend. Every phone call we had, D1 complained about her friend. But in few weeks after she came home for the summer, she missed her friend terribly. D1 is feeling the same about her apartment mate (her current best friend) now. As her mother, I am already pretty familiar with her cycle, so I just listen now, because I know it would pass.</p>

<p>I think once the weather gets nicer, people are able to get out more, you probably will feel better. If you are really homsick then go home for the spring break. But by going away with your sorority sisters may give you a chance to bond with them.</p>

<p>It’s normal to have ups and downs no matter where you go to college (or live).</p>

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<p>oldfort: sounds like you mothered my kid…same cycle…</p>

<p>to the OP: give it a little more time; agree with other posters</p>

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<p>Most people only have a few friends and I assume your college has thousands of people around your age, in the same location, with some things in common (you all picked the same college for one). This means you have a lot of ‘friend opportunity’ should you choose to pursue it. </p>

<p>If you transfer, how do you think that’d help anything? Why would you be any more likely to find a lot of friends if you transfer as opposed to staying where you are? I assume that most of the friends you used to have are probably elsewhere now and regardless are caught up in their own lives.</p>

<p>Give it more of a try. Exude a reasonable level of happiness and friendliness. Don’t be afraid to ask someone else to go do something with you. It doesn’t need to be a big deal and can be as simple as heading to the local ice cream shop or to the bookstore or something. Keep in mind they might ‘truly’ not always feel like going somewhere but that doesn’t mean it’s because of you. Also keep in mind the times you’ve said ‘no’ to people about going somewhere with them. It’s okay you said no but if you usually say no they’ll likely stop asking. There’s also little point in fretting over not going places with people you’re not that compatible with - i.e. if you’re not a partier you probably wouldn’t usually be hanging around with the partiers anyway. </p>

<p>You’re complaining about not having friends and doing things with people yet ‘you’re’ the one blowing off the spring break thing. If you simply don’t want to go that’s fine but think about whether it’s everyone else not including you or you excluding everyone else.</p>

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<p>^ ^ ^ Agree that you should give it more time. That first semester is so new and exciting. Now you’re into school and, yes, it’s hard work to do well. That part wouldn’t change if you transferred. I also agree that you should go on the trip with your sorority. You’ll get to know some girls in a new setting, without the stress of school hanging over you, and you might really enjoy that. Be honest with them, with yourself.
BTW: my son (currently a sophomore) had a difficult beginning, but he loves it now. Except for those darn tests.</p>

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<p>Do you have a big sister in your sorority you can talk to? Another sister in the sorority you are closer to? My daughter is in a sorority and I know she can turn to her big sister at any time. I know sororities are not all the same though…</p>

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<p>One thing I’ve noticed when around my daughter’s hyped-up-on-getting-into-college friends is that they are all very self-focused. By that I mean they talk a lot about what they’ve done, what they want to do, and where they want to go. I’m sure this is due to the intense process of applying to college and friends and family asking these questions.</p>

<p>But, once in college, the self-focus should abate, and friendly conversation should be an even exchange. Because of noticing this and the AP Psych class my D is taking (she noticed, too), one thing she tries to remain cognizant of is having an even exchange, or erring on the side of having the conversation be more about the other person(s). She’s practiced interviewing with one of her ec’s and they teach this as a sure way to have a great interview - get the interviewer talking about him/herself! It works for making and keeping friends, too. </p>

<p>Simply, when making friends, ask people questions about themselves, their families, what they enjoy and classes they are taking. When it’s your turn, be positive. No one likes a Debbie Downer. When becoming better friends, don’t overwhelm others with your problems or negativity. Often we feel this is what friends are for - but only a rare friend will really listen to negatives for long, and only if it’s a two-way street.</p>

<p>I think others have made very valid points about the weather and continuing to reach out. If you like your school in general, stick it out. Issues tend to follow an individual until they solve their part, so transferring and even going home for spring break, might just prolong your problems.</p>

<p>It sounds like you have a very caring and outgoing personality, but you may need to polish some areas. If you’re from a different area of the country, there may be social subtleties of which you are unaware. (Growing up in the Midwest and living in the South, my mom didn’t know to teach us to say, “Yes, ma’am” etc. and we were thought to be rude children. She didn’t have a clue until one of us figured it out. Even her friends didn’t tell her.) I agree that you should talk to an upperclassman at your school who has seen you in social settings. Be sincere in asking for their advice and willing to accept constructive criticism. Then be prepared to make changes - this is part of the complete learning experience of college!</p>

<p>Good luck!!</p>

10

<p>I don’t have a lot to add to all of the good advice you have received already. My daughter went through a very similar situation last year as a first year student. For her, it was a combination of too demanding a course load, along with work study, a time intensive extra-curricular, and a dose of SAD. She didn’t have a lot of time for friends (most of whom she knew through her fall sport) and, in retrospect, was probably not a lot of fun to be around when she did have time for them. In her case, she decided not to come home for spring break because she was afraid it would be too hard to go back to school.
It was a tough time but she learned a lot from it. Beyond aiming for a balance of academics, work and extra curriculars, she “diversified” her friendships and she makes time for exercise every day-she’s a big fan of “endorphins”.</p>

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<p>I don’t have much to add other than to agree with those that suggest you go on spring break and not return home. Spending some time with collegemates without the burden of the college setting and classes is a good idea.</p>