Hi I’m 13 and in 8th grade. I just found out that my girlfriend cuts herself! I’m not running off and not looking back like people say, because I care about her and want to get her help! I don’t know why she is doing it though! We both really like each other and I don’t wanna have to break up with her just because of her just cutting herself! I hate to say it but I think if I were to break up with her because of it that…well… She might kill herself or something worse than just cutting herself! She is not suicidal though I don’t think(she hasn’t said or acted like she wanted to kill herself or anything like that) I don’t know what to say or do!!! Help me out here guys!!! Please!
Ask her why she is doing it, then tell her she needs to get help.
Why would you break up with her because she cuts herself? That’s pretty much the last thing you should do.
Also, just because she doesn’t say anything about suicide doesn’t mean that she isn’t suicidal (I’m not saying that she is; it’s just really hard to tell)
Do you know any therapists/counselors that might help her? School counselors might be a good idea.
My parents say I need to walk away from it that she is not a good person to hang out with/date. My school counselor is pretty cool she won’t tell the principal or parents unless she thinks that It could put whoever it is life in danger! But I don’t want to go straight to the counselor! I want to talk to her first! but what do i say! I will see her tommorow first thing tommorow morning!
This is a very tough situation. I can completely understand as a parent why your parents want you to end the relationship. You are very young to be in such a serious situation. OTOH, as a person who cares about this girl, you are in a position to help her. Just remember that you can only do so much and that you may lose her as a friend if you say anything but you should.
Tomorrow, tell her that you care about her and that you are worried about her cutting, Urge her to talk to the school counselor. Cutting is very serious and someone who does this is desperately in need of help.
When my D was a little older than you, one of her oldest and closest friends confided in her that she wanted to kill herself. She was also a cutter. My D came to me and I called the counselor, who devised a plan to have her cutting “discovered” by the gym teacher. The two teachers spoke to the girl and she agreed to have her parents brought in. She went into counseling and is now in her mid-20’s. She never learned that it was my D who told the school and they are still friends.
Be prepared for this girl not to talk to you anymore but if you get her into counseling, you will have done a good thing. As a mother of sons, I will say that this is not a girl I would want any of my sons to date but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want her to be helped.
Good luck.
Depends on your state, but I think the school counselor would have to report this to your gf’s parents because she’s actively injuring herself. Same thing happened to one of my classmates. I would tell the counselor anyway because it means she’s has underlying emotional issues that could be detrimental long-term. Like @techmom99 said, she might stop talking to you, but counseling/intervention would be in her best interest. Self-harm can only get worse. She’s most likely not suicidal because she’s actively trying to deal with her pain so she can function normally. A small percentage of self-harmers are [url=<a href=“https://www.selfharm.co.uk/get/myths/self-harm_and_suicide%5Dactually%5B/url”>https://www.selfharm.co.uk/get/myths/self-harm_and_suicide]actually[/url] suicidal. Just be someone she can talk to and trust.
One of mine cut. I’ll keep this simple. I did an amount of research and learned how common this is (especially as kids learn of others who do,) that it’s a sign of something bothering her that she can’t grapple with (like many other manifestations, including eating disorders,) and that it is possible to get the right help and strengthen the individual.
My daughter is fine now. Bottom line is that the teen needs the right help to sort through what she can’t, on her own. I do feel strongly that it’s a good idea to transfer this responsibility you feel (to help her) to a qualified adult who can help her seek the right sorts of mentoring or counseling. It’s not something you can just wish away or talk away. It’s a warning sign.
Not necessarily that something worse is around the corner. But, that she is burdened and needs some appropriate, trained support, from people who understand and are trained in teen issues.
I agree the GC may be a place to start. Kudos to you for caring. And hugs.
My 2 cents is get out while you can.
As a 13 year old, there is little you can do to help meaningfully. The allure might be strong but don’t take the bait. The fact that you worry that a girlfriend will kill herself if you breakup should not be motivation to extend the relationship. Virtually all relationships, especially those that start at age 13, end. The art is knowing when to end.
People do not mate or associate randomly. A person who cuts as a coping strategy ends up in relationship with a rescuer. There is no magic in that. Does you and her no good. It might hurt to be inadequate but get used to it. If you hang on and “save her” it might be the worst lesson of your life in terms of future relationships.
Thank all of you for responding so quickly! I would first like to say that this girl is not a “bad” girl as you may or may not think! She is a very very nice girl! She is cute and very friendly and dresses nice! Not like she does drugs or is just a bad girl! She does her hair, wears very nice clothes. Being from California, I told her I’m a true country boy not from the city and she said that she loves that about me because I don’t try to change her mind about being a city girl or anything like that! She like really really loves me! And so do I her! She even bought $160 cowgirl boots just to wear! She bought them because she thinks that when she is around me, she is a country girl! She also says I treat her way better than a city kid! I don’t want to sound like a weirdo but she actually says these things to me! And belive it or not I do NOT want this girl to stop talking to me!! They’re has to be a different way! I was thinking of what to say and came up with something but you guys probably don’t wanna hear it because you think it’s the exact opposite of what to say because it’s coming from a 13 year old who calls himself a country boy to sound cool! You’re not helping by saying that she won’t talk to me anymore! I said I don’t want to break up with her in the first post! Not trying to say you’re not helping at all but just stop saying that she won’t talk to me anymore! I’m already under enough stress! For gods sake, my girlfriend wants help I know it! She came up and just said it to me leaving the school dance on Friday! “I don’t want to go home babe. Can you take me home with you?” She said with a smile and laughed. “Haha! Me neither! I wish I could take you with! Why don’t you wanna go home! You gonna miss me too much? Haha!” I laughed. “No, babe, seriously, i don’t wanna go home!” She says in a “sad” voice. “Why what’s going on?” I ask. “I’m grounded because my mom found out I started cutting again…” She says in a guilty sorta voice. “Oh, you cut?” I demand in a normal tone.“Don’t be mad babe! Please!” She said in a worried tone. “I’m not mad or sad or pissed off.” I say in a soft tone. “Then what is it?” She asked. “I…I… I don’t know. I’m confused I guess…” I say as I step onto the bus. That was the last time I talked to her. She doesn’t have a phone so we can’t text either.
@WISdad23 why would I think that it was the worst lesson in my life! Say I didn’t get her help and followed your advice. One day at school she isn’t there. I ask my friend if they know where she is at. They start crying because she killed herself!!! I would feel sick to think that i could have prevented that if I were to tell someone!! That’s why I’m shutting your advice out of my mind! Think before you post ahe!!!
Your response illustrates my point. I am a psychiatrist and work with these situations all the time. But I am not giving psychiatric advice. I am giving my opinion based on my experience.
I don’t think anyone is implying that she is not a “very very nice girl.” That has little to do with it.
Read your post #7 out loud. You should be able to see the manipulative behavior on her part. Rely on your parents.
But why would hanging on to"save her" be the worst lesson of my life!! That’s probably the exact opposite of what to do!! You make no sense to me! Please leave a reply to this and don’t say anything else on this post EVER again!! Do you understand me??!!! Thank you for you cooperation.
Is the only evidence that she is cutting from the conversation at the dance? If she was grounded, how could she be at a school dance.
As weird as it is, the school dances are during the last hour of school. And I know she cuts because I asked her to show me after school we live within bike riding distance. She came over and we went into my room. She pulled down her stretch pants half way exposing her bare thighs, there to my amazement, there were probably over 50 red, scabbed over, cuts.
OP, we cannot always fix others’problems all by ourselves. Certainly not when still young and without much life experience. These issues are complex and you may have no idea what’s behind the cutting or even the range of things it could be.
But we can talk to a trusted adult who can do more than we can. The GC sounds like a good start.
You cannot do this alone.
She also got home and her parents were at work for another 2 hours that’s why she came over while she could
Posting on a college forum in a semi-urgent manner, asking questions, and then demanding that they not be answered is illustrative.
Good luck to you. Confide in your parents and take their advice to heart.
@lookingforward I plan to ask why she cuts tommorow and I for sure am going to talk to a GC but not until I get some info
Haha I was only asking that you not answer my questions because they are just silly and make no sense.
As I said, good luck to you.
Thank You?