<p>So, I feel terrible posting relationship problems on this website, especially because I know a lot of people on here hate hearing these things, but I think merits a response. My boyfriend of only 3 weeks and I are having major issues. Basically, he has no (and I really mean no) self esteem at all. Before we started dating we were pretty good friends, and although I would hear the occasional self-putdown, I never thought anything of it because everyone does it once in a while. But now that we're together, all I ever hear him talk about is how much he thinks he sucks and what a bad boyfriend he is and how stupid he is. This makes me feel bad, and I'm a very positive person so it's even more awkward, not to mention that's its just not a good habit. Basically, all his self worth comes from other people (i.e. "Katie says I look good today, so I feel great!" and "Chris ignored me today, so I feel terrible"). He also uses the word "emo" (for those who don't know, it's like scene, and basically means you're depressed alot and super emotional) to describe himself, and resigns himself to being this terrible "emo" creature which I know deep inside he really isn't. </p>
<p>So I'm guessing some of you are asking why I don't just break up with him now. Well, he cuts. Regularly. And I'm really afraid that if I break up with him, he's going to self-mutilate so badly that he ends up in the hospital. But I have my own issues, and I've been depressed before, and I'm just working my way out of that funk, and I can feel myself falling back in because of him. I've got a great life that I am really happy with, and great friends, and a great summer ahead of me, and the only thing really keeping me down is him. But again, I just don't know if a breakup is the option. I was thinking I could let him down easy, and put him on suicide watch (our school has this), but the year's almost over and that probably wouldn't do much good. Also, I was thinking of telling his parents, but I don't even know them and I don't think they are very supportive people. </p>
<p>I'm really at the end of a long long rope, guys. Please help.</p>
<p>If it were me, I'd politely dump him, tell him not to cut himself, and not care about his (well, her in my case) actions. Chances are that your soon to be ex is going to screw up at life anyways, and, won't always have cushy people around to help him out. If you really care about him, you could tell parents/school/police (?) but I wouldn't. It's not your responsibility to safeguard this creep.</p>
<p>Its not your fault if he tries to hurt himself because of you. You sound like a caring person but he isnt worth your time. </p>
<p>If cutting is his way of solving probs, then there is nothing you can do about it.</p>
<p>Just politely let him go and move on. You just know him for 3 weeks.. Tell him to get some self-esteem and confindence too since he will those later on (maybe therapy). </p>
<p>You can tell him that you are always a friend but...thAT could lead to more probs. So im guessing that its best to let him go.</p>
<p>There's no such thing as letting someone down easy. Breaking up with someone is breaking up with someone no matter how you go about it. It sounds like he's either got some legitimate issues, or a hardcore case of attention-whore-itis, but either way the guy is bringing you down! So cut him loose before he sucks all the life out of you! Whatever he chooses to do next is his problem, you’re not accountable for the quality of his life. It might sound cold, but he really isn’t your responsibility. You are your sole priority. Do what needs to be done, and keep moving forward.</p>
<p>I would definitely tell his parents. If you feel like they don't take it seriously, talk to your school psychologist about him if your school has one and have him or her speak to his parents.</p>
<p>Humoring him will go nowhere.</p>
<p>Oh yea, and you should probably cut loose from him after you let people know about his problems. Don't let his depression or whatever it is control your life.</p>
<p>Yeah, you guys are all right. I think I've known what I need to do. Breaking up with him isn't going to hurt me much at all- no common friends to worry about taking sides, no gossip because school's almost out. And I won't even have to avoid him next year because he's probably going to a new school. I've just got too much going well for me right now, and I don't have the time to be dragged down by someone who determined to be miserable forever. It'd be different if he'd expressed the tiniest bit of hope for changing, but he hasn't. Not one thing he said in a 2-hour long conversation hinted that he wanted to change. So I'm done. I just feel like cutting him loose right now, but I promised myself I'd give him until the end of the school year (about 2 weeks). But every moment I spend with him feels like a big, depressing lie. I feel so contradictory because I keep assuring him that I like him and that he's a great guy to boost his self-esteem, but I really can't even see what I liked in the first place anymore. So if I do dump him, I'm going to crush all the things I was trying to instill in him and just make things worse. And there's a chance we're going to be working the same volunteer job this summer, and he's the type to tell people I'm a horrible manizing person and that they shouldn't like me at all. But neither of us has the job for sure yet, so I guess I shouldn't worry about that.</p>
<p>Right now I'm wondering if the 2-week thing is a good idea, or if I should just give in now. I know almost for sure that in 2 weeks I'll still feel the same, or even worse.</p>
<p>But anyway, thanks for your great input guys, and feel free to give more. I need all the advice I can get.</p>
<p>It is not up to you to save him. You should not feel the slightest bit responsible for whatever stupid things he might do after breaking up. (This might sound cold-hearted, but I believe it. I went through a sim</p>
<p>Get professional advice -- not from people here about the words you should use both to break up with him and to tell him to get help. It's really easy to say just move on and it's his deal. But if he does something stupid, don't you think you might ask yourself if you did everything responsibly on your end to try to help him avoid what he did? Small example: a slight friend/connection in one of classes ran into me one day on campus. She seemed a bit off or sad or something and though I was extremely busy, I took some time to really ask her how she was doing and to show her some compassion. Two days later she killed herself. Maybe all it does is help me, but it does help me feel better that I took the time to try to communicate with her. I am not under illusion that I could have done much; I wasn't close to her in the least. But it helped me. If he does something stupid, and you have any kind of heart -- and it sounds a lot like you do -- trust me you will want to be able to look in the mirror and say with good conscience I did everything I could, it may not have been a lot, but it was everything I could do. Yes, it is his deal, not yours, but you have to live with yourself.</p>
<p>For instance, in the case above, I asked a counselor what I might have said to her. He said just ask straight out "Are you thinking about something drastic like killing yourself?" I never would have thought about saying that. I am not saying you should say that, but the right counselor might be able to tell you some words to use to lessen the despair of being rejected and heighten his sense that he really needs some help. He does.</p>
<p>But it is his deal, and his only. **princessbell **is in this situation because she chooses to be, and obviously, it isn't doing anything good for her. No one should sacrifice themselves to help some suicidal creep. Or maybe I just don't have a heart...</p>
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But it is his deal, and his only. princessbell is in this situation because she chooses to be, and obviously, it isn't doing anything good for her. No one should sacrifice themselves to help some suicidal creep.
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<p>It is his deal, absolutely right. But at least at one time she was his friend -- so she's involved.</p>
<p>
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Or maybe I just don't have a heart...
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<p>It seems like it's pretty shrunken, but if you get into University of whatever and do really well and makes lots of money or marry prince charming or whatever, who cares about your heart? You will have won.</p>
<p>Don't misunderstand me; I totally agree she should move on and she owes him nothing. However, she owes herself departing with grace and in a way that honors her involvement and friendship.</p>
<p>the first thing to do is...break up with him.
but obviously you dont want to harm him.
i think i know how you feel. ive sort of been in this position before.
for me it started with putting himself which made me feel bad and then i got blamed for everything. dont fall for all that crap "im going to kill myself if you do this to me" ive heard it one too many and in my case i knew it was bull. but then again i dont know your boyfriend.
you have only been together for 3 weeks tell him its not going to work out because you two are already having problems...if you do want to stay with him tell him you want to be with him because he makes you happy and vice versa so you guys should talk. unless you definetely know it wont work out get some help from friends and make sure he doesnt do anything too crazy.</p>
<p>update: so I broke up with him on wednesday...cool. so, apparently, in one last effort to change him (i'm rather persistent), he admitted to me that he hadn't cut in ages and only said that he was going to (after an argument, he was like "you what I'm going to do when I go home? cut, cut, slice, slice." and he made motions towards his wrists. He also confirmed this later that night, so I believed that he was currently cutting regularly) to hurt me and make me feel badly. This only motivated me to do what everyone's been telling me to.</p>
<p>So anyway, I don't want to make this another 1000 word post. Basically, thanks for all the advice! I feel much much better now, and this saved me from what could have been a depression relapse. But I am glad this happened because I learned from it. So it's time to move on, and I'm def. crossing emo boys off of my type list!</p>
<p>make sure you ask an authority figure (especially someone like a therapist) to check on him and make sure he's not doing more than he says he is.</p>
<p>i've been in this exact situation. i'm not even kidding you. reading this post, i thought i was writing it! </p>
<p>in my situation, it dragged out to almost a year. and towards the end, he became bulimic, instead of cutting himself. i'm really glad you got out of it while you still could. my whole relationship with that guy was a giant roller coaster, with his depression bringing me down and making feel just as worthless as he thought of himself. be strong and be glad you took that step! one of my life's regrets is not doing it earlier, and i'm really glad you let go of something that was hurting you that much.</p>