I’m not sure how i feel. I never wanted to go to the college im attending. Ive kind of had one foot out the door since i got here but im not sure about the future. Anyway I will be speaking to the AD at my original first choice school in a few days. My parents talked me into trying it out instead of staying home for college. When I first arrived, things went well for the first two weeks. I went to lots of parties with my roommate and made a few friends. We went to rush events and had a blast. Then the few friends i had made began pledging, including myself. It was ok at first, I liked my pledge brothers but the process slowly got worse to the point where i had 0 free time. No time for schoolwork, no time to go to the gym or do anything else i enjoy. I was miserable and when i didn’t do as well as i would’ve liked on a test, that was the last straw. I wanted to keep my grades up incase i wanted to transfer. So I got out of the fraternity, except now I was pretty much alone. Im alone all the time now. The only time im not alone is when I go to dinner with my roommate. I wasn’t sure about coming to begin with, and now I HATE IT. I have no friends to go out with on the weekends or do anything else with. I am in an extracurricular, but I’m not close with anyone in my group. Im lonely, miss my friends, and miss my family. I know a lot of people that aren’t at there first choice but are having a blast. Im really want to transfer but at the same time i feel terrible about it because my parents are so proud of me for being in the school i currently attend. I feel like if I try to transfer I will end up putting them through a stressful experience. I love my parents dearly and would not want to put them through anything. Im sad and lonely and i don’t know what to do. HELP
First–be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. You’re doing just fine.
What you’re going through is naturally stressful. You are not alone in feeling this, even if you feel alone right now.
You are kind to think of your family, but your true duty is to yourself. It’s okay to think of yourself first. Like on an airplane put on your own oxygen mask first, then assist others.
- First: see if you can focus on your academics and keep them under control;
- Second, friendships will most likely form "naturally" as you persist in your classes. Most of the people who meet each other early freshman year end up moving into other friendships. Really and truly. You are not alone in moving from friendship to friendship early frehsman year. It's usually a rollercoaster for people.
- Third, definitely check out a formal support system, like the counseling department. They can be a port in the storm until you get your feet under you.
- If you keep your eyes on your academics, I predict that you will feel more stable and the rest of your social system will build around that stability.
- Think about transfer if you need to, but focus first on your classes, as you yourself suggested. That will both help you if you decide to stay and it will help you if you decide to transfer.
Again, try to be patient with yourself. And remember, you are not alone.
Head over to the College Life section of this message board, there are lots of posts like yours and lots of great advice to read to follow.
Part of the problem is that you still are wishy washy about your commitment to your current school. That is going to affect your feelings and commitment to everything, classes, friendships, clubs, whatever. You don’t jump in with your whole self because in the back of your mind you might be transferring.
Working with the counseling center might help you to get more focused on your next steps, staying or going, so that you can really make an authentic commitment to where you are and the people around you.
Consider getting a part time job to meet more people. Join another extra curricular. See if there are any Greek organizations that don’t require as much time (some of them don’t have residence houses and are more focused on service, for example).