<p>Thanks, but… I thought this was the part where you HAD to try? I mean, I didn’t meet anyone today, so I just ate dinner by myself, which really made me wish someone could’ve approached me and struck up a conversation.</p>
<p>See, I think it’s just the difference of expectations to reality. My ideal conversation would be back-and-forth like a ping-pong game, such as:</p>
<p>I: So do you watch [insert TV show here]?
They: No, but I’ve heard of it. Is it good?
I: It’s really good, you should try watching it if you’re bored.
They: Oh, so can you tell me what it’s about?</p>
<p>But in reality, it happens like this:</p>
<p>I: So do you watch [insert TV show here]?
They: Um. No.
I: Oh… well… it’s pretty good. You could try watching it if you’re ever bored.
They: Yeah. Okay.</p>
<p>When I get a response like that, I assume that this person doesn’t really want to talk (at least not to me). Sooo this is why I’m coming off as desperate?</p>
<p>I don’t see this as a big problem. I would think that people who are living in the dorm or near campus would make friend easier. I did not know a single soul while I was a freshman. All of the classes are like 200 students each and I often had to hurry in and out of a class to get to the next class (it is a big campus). After class, then I just go home or to the library to finish the work. I have a few good friends when I start working on campus. I think seeing each other 20 hours per weeks for 50+ weeks can spark a long friendship. So if you want to make friends, why not join a club or an activity of some kind then you will have common interest for a long and prosperous friendship. You really don’t need many friends, just a few good ones are fine.</p>
<p>if this is your ideal, i really don’t know what to say. I dont find this type of conversation engaging at all, it’s more like forced small talk which is not very enjoyable. Sometimes silence is better than dead conversations. talk about something real. where you went to highschool, how nervous you are, what classes you’ll be taking. making friends should not require any effort. you’re coming on too strongly</p>
<p>Oh, no, that’s just an example. I haven’t actually discussed the subject of TV shows with anybody. I mainly talk about what our high schools were like, our plans for majors, future careers, what we think about college so far.</p>
<p>OP-"I mainly talk about what our high schools were like, our plans for majors, future careers, what we think about college so far. "
Please don’t…it’s not working, remember?</p>
<p>And you dont have enough value.
If you had more value, they would want to talk to you.</p>
<p>Remember what I said:
“If you’re a girl, you should put extra effort into making yourself look more attractive.
Because thats your main social value.”</p>
<p>I practically have to beat men away with sticks, the issue is people who actually want to talk to me on a regular basis despite me not being willing to date them. Seems to me my appearance is fine.</p>
<p>^ I don’t agree with that statement. Everyone has different ideals when it comes to making friends. What one person considers attractive may not be the same as what another person considers attractive.</p>
<p>instead of talking about school, maybe try to bring some humor into the convo. i find myself easily bored (lol, conversation ADD) when others are rambling on and on about their future degree plans and many majors or minors… i mean it’s interesting and wonderful, but not the topic i want to be listening to over my dinner, you know? sounds kinda harsh, but it’s true… lol</p>
<p>i find people respond well to silly stories and random events that happened to you, i.e. you dropping your phone into the toilet/sink/down 10 flights (which has all happened to me… 3x) in which people then go “how the hell do you drop your phone into the toilet? you bring it into the BATHROOM?” and that opens the convo… if you’re an animated speaker, others are more drawn into your convo. if you start off rather blandly and continue on in that manner, people will lose interest!</p>
<p>Good thread. I’m sorta afraid of this too. Don’t be discouraged. Sometimes I try to start convos with ppl and they don’t respond. Sometimes others try to start convos with me and I don’t respond. In either case it’s not about me and him/her disliking each other. It’s just that either one of us (in the latter case, me), wants to relax alone and doesn’t want to start a conversation.</p>
<p>And, fwiw, I hate bs smalltalk. As awkward as silence if not worse. I think I’ve had 50 ppl come up to me everyday in senior yr of HS asking one of the following questions: where are you applying? did you get in? are you excited to be a senior/college freshman? I do try to answer politely, but it does get somewhat annoying cuz everybody asks it (but again, no hard feelings for anyone b/c of that). And, even I do it from time to time (human nature to avoid silence at all costs?)… I’m a terrible conversationalist. OP, some ppl you meet will, like me, dislike smalltalk, or will, like me, be a terrible conversationalist. And again, it’s not your fault.</p>
<p>As others have stated, making friends is natural, not forced. I tend to edge toward the shy ppl just because I feel comfortable and more relaxed with them, so I get to show my dynamic personality. Maybe you just need to find the right ppl. :)</p>
<p>Look if you’re going up to them, expect to provide all of the conversation, at least initially.
What I am trying to say is don’t start sharing all about you as soon as you go up to them. They don’t care who you are. You have a few minutes to break them out of the boring frame of mind that they are in. After that they’ll start to ignore you because people would rather be alone than be grilled by someone they don’t know.
So you need to have some stuff to talk about. My best advice is to make every day things seem interesting.</p>
<p>For example, do you guys know those coffee cup lids that they have at every Starbucks/coffee shop/etc around the world? Did you know that there is an artist that makes sculptures out of just those and glue? In fact he even recreated the Mona Lisa out of Starbucks coffee cup lids. You know I will never look at one of those the same way again.
And then from there you can start talking about coffee. Seems like everybody is obsessed with this stuff now (can’t imagine why). What is their favorite drink and why? etc
And before you know it you are in a conversation and after awhile the other person will start getting into it so you can start to scale back a little and let them win you over.</p>
<p>P.S. Just so you know I made that up coffee cup lid stuff on the spot. I actually think this is a bit tame for my tastes… Try it and let us know how it worked.</p>
<p>Well, at my school. I’m usually not the one to approach other people because I’m extremely shy for no reason XD It’s completely irrational. </p>
<p>But one time I sat next to a cute guy hoping to try to start a conversation on his physics book, turns out he left as soon I was sitting down lol and actually the girl next to him noticed I was eating spaghetti also LOL and that’s how our conversation started. She was very nice and funny!! Of course I never saw her again because of the difference in our majors, I was glad to have that conversation even though I looked so nervous because I’m so afraid of saying something wrong or offending someone, I don’t know. Afraid to express my thoughts even though I would like too (If we wrote notes, I would totally keep the conversation going because I’m more confident in writing). </p>
<p>Anyway, the point is, keep trying!! What you’re doing is proud thing and I’m sure you’ll make good friends in the years to come.</p>
<p>Finding friends always seems to be easiest in situations centered around mutual interests. So, joining a club based on something you’re genuinely interested in works. You already have something to talk about, feel passionate about, with the people around you.</p>
<p>You need to calm down. Few people are looking to find a “best friend” to spend all their time with during the first couple weeks of school. Everyone out there is experimenting and finding their niche, and you should be too!! Don’t look for a single person to grab onto just yet. Hunt around. You are at a school with (probably) thousands of students and you should actively try to find people that suit you best.</p>
if you’re an animated speaker, others are more drawn into your convo. if you start off rather blandly and continue on in that manner, people will lose interest!</p>