Anyone else not make friends 1st semester

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>First semester is over and I pretty much have only 1 friend whom I hangout with on a daily basis. Problem is that I CANNOT stand her! I’m only putting up with her because I have no one else. I’d rather eat my meals with her than have to sit all alone. I get along with my roommate fine. We eat lunch together along with my annoying friend once in a while. But that’s pretty much it. She’s more into playing video games and watching Anime cartoons all day than doing anything else. Right now the best thing I have going for me is my boyfriend. I met him the first week during orientation at the local grocery store. But its not like I can hangout with him everyday since he goes to a different university that’s about 15 minutes from mine. I feel very blessed to have him but I really want friends! I don’t want to have to rely on him all the time to make me feel less alone.</p>

<p>I know that not having friends is partially my fault. I have always been shy. So when classes started I wouldn’t really talk to too many people in class unless spoken to. I did join a club at the beginning of the semester but then I just quit because I thought it was boring. There was only a handful of people I would talk to through out the semester. But they already have their friend groups. So I didn’t want to “intrude”. I’ve tired hanging out with my friend’s friends and my floor-mates. But they’re not the kind of people I ever liked hanging out with. (Those who like to get wasted in the middle of the week.) I don’t have anything against people who drink or like to party. I like to have fun too. But seriously! They should have more respect for themselves. I’m not so shy that I never talk to anyone. I have a lot of acquaintances. But it never turns into something more. </p>

<p>I know college is what you make of it. Before I kept telling myself that this school was the problem. But now I know I’m the problem. After it hit me that I wasn’t making friends I pretty much just gave up and would spend most my time out of class in my room doing homework or watching Netflix. </p>

<p>This is my 1st year at this school. (I’m a transfer student. Sophomore.) I should also add that most the people on my floor as well as my annoying friend are freshman. It just sucks because I came to this school thinking I would have the same awesome experience as my older sister did. (Living across the hall from my best friends. Having a close group of friends. Being super social and happy all the time.) But my experience so far has been the complete opposite. My sister did tell me that just because it seems like everyone has their “group” they really don’t. That they feel just as alone as I do and that they’re just trying to find where they want to be.</p>

<p>Did any of you experience this? Any tips and advice for next semester is greatly appreciated! I’m determined to change my social life next semester. Sorry this is long! I just have a lot bottled up.</p>

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<p>No offense but I think you are being a little judgmental and rude to some of the people at your school. The “annoying friend” that you have to “put up with”? If I was her and I knew how you felt I would never want to hang out with you. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who only pretends to be their friend. If that is how you feel about her, you should stop hanging out with her. It’s not fair to her at all.
Also I don’t see how going out and drinking during the week is not having any “self-respect”. Some people like to go out and have fun, blow off some steam. That doesn’t mean they don’t respect themselves. They are adults and can make their own decisions. Even if it’s not your thing, you don’t have to be so judgmental.</p>

<p>I see a lot of posts from students who are just starting college with similar questions about making friends. But college is a completely different world from high school. There’s going to be a lot of time that you are going to be alone, eating alone, studying alone, etc. And that’s ok.
But on the part about making friends, in my experience it works best when you are really involved in something. Clubs are great examples, but only if you make an effort to meet people and participate. Dorms are also a great place because you see those people all the time. Small class discussions, at work with fellow students, sororities, parties, etc. There’s people everywhere, you just have to put yourself out there and be friendly to people and you will find some friends. You may make some acquaintances and/or you make some really strong friends. Just takes a little time and effort. And a good attitude</p>

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<p>try joining a sorority or another club.</p>

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<p>My first semester, I came in to school with my close friend from high school so that helped me a lot since I am also very shy. In the beginning I felt very lonely and ended up just staying in my room every night and studying while she went out with her new friends she had made. I found out joining organizations was extremely helpful in reversing the lack of social life. Sororities were too expensive, so I ended up hanging out in a few smaller groups and connected with various types of people. </p>

<p>Also, comparing your experiences to others is just going to make you depressed and discouraged. Not everyone is meant to have that super bubbly, super social college experience. People who do usually are not the shy types and they either get involved in Greek life or some kind of club where people share their interests and passions.</p>

<p>Remember that YOU also have to take an initiative to make friends - something I’ve struggled with for many years. People aren’t always going to invite you to hang out or whatever, sometimes you have to be the one that says, “Hey do you want to go do such-and-such after class today?” or “Wanna go have a study night at my dorm this weekend? I’ll order pizza.” Add them on Facebook, get their phone number and text them, and since you watch Netflix, ask them what shows they enjoy and maybe you guys can have a marathon night or something.</p>

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<p>@jenny1penny…I’m not saying my friend is annoying simply because she talks too much. I cannot stand her because she always tries to bring me down. She does the same thing to my roommate as well. She always has to be right about everything. Maybe I’m not a true friend to her. But she isn’t one to me either. And I’m not the only one in my school thats thinks so. I have heard a lot of people talk about how they cannot stand her too because she’s rude.
And I’m not saying my floor mates do not respect themselves because they drink. I have no problem with drinking. When I say they have no respect its because I have seen quite a few girls walk around the residence halls in the middle of the day wearing nothing but their bra and underwear. (Thats just one example.) Its stuff like that which makes me think they have no self-respect.</p>

<p>@btledfo…I know I have to take initiative but its just kinda hard for me sometimes because I have always been crappy at doing so. I always talk to people but then I get too shy to ask them to hang out or something. Lately I have been working on overcoming my shyness.</p>

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<p>Woww OP that’s a dumb reason to hold on to a friendship! Who’s to say they don’t feel the same? Why not try hanging out in different areas, there could be other friendless ppl too?</p>

<p>I made friends but its not like I hang out with them often, I don’t even have some of their contact info. Then again I commute to a community college so I still have some of my old hs friends to hang out with.</p>

<p>Being alone isn’t even that bad, its better than faking/tolerating/using a person trust me!</p>

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<p>If most of the people in your school think your “best” friend is rude they may avoid you because of the association</p>

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<p>@ForeIN…I know its dumb. But I really just only see her at dinner and lunch time anyways. So its not too bad anymore. Once I realized how she really was I quit inviting her to hangout as often. I do enjoy spending time alone sometimes. I have always been someone who enjoys having time alone to themselves. But it would be nice to have a few friends to go to.</p>

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<p>@CHD2013…That is something I never thought of!</p>

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<p>Ohh ok I read all of the posts………so i have a few more things to add:</p>

<p>If she brings you down all the time or herself which makes you annoyed caz ur always trying to uplift her & its not working, then I can understand.</p>

<p>I had a friend like that & she always liked hanging out with me. After a while I ended the friendship, I couldn’t take the negativity anymore! </p>

<p>And for being shy & only speaking when spoken to is a surefire way to Not make friends! I use to be that way & never initiate talking but if you think about it, the other person doesn’t know if you want to be their friend. The friendship can’t be one sided or it wont last & isn’t a true one. </p>

<p>Next semester try talking to new/different ppl, you might not end up friends but you’ll at least find someone who you click with.</p>

<p>Also if you’re one of those shy passive ppl, you Need to stop & start being assertive. Its no fun to be walked all over in the real world!</p>

<p>Good Luck & enjoy ur winter break ツ</p>

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<p>You write </p>

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<p>and this </p>

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<p>I am speechless…I especially liked the idea of someone super-shy meeting her significant other in a ‘grocery shop’…</p>

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<p>@guyfromTTU…Lol thats true. But I have always been better at catching dates than at making friends. I have no idea why.</p>

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<p>@ForeIN…Thanks:)</p>

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<p>FWIW, this may be some helpful advice. Caveat: I have a bias because I’ve been married ever since starting college, so I’ve always at least had someone to go home to every night even if I had no friends (although I consider my SO my best friend).</p>

<p>I’ve been a commuter at a CC for about a year and a half. I’s nearly impossible for me to make actual friend outside of a classroom not because I’m shy (I’m actually very sociable and witty) it’s because I just don’t have the time when I work all day, go to school all night, and then rush home to actually have dinner or see my wife before she goes to bed (I’d be up for many hours more doing homeowrk or studying). Anyway, I’ve recently made a few friends, a small group of us all from the same class, that are starting to do a few things outside of the classroom and not involving classwork. We all met when we had to do a group project for the class we were in and we clicked a little. I could tell that not only did we have fun doing the project, but we all actually got along in-class. Finals came around the corner and I didn’t want us all to just go our separate ways and never see each other again, so I invited everyone to eat sushi right after the final (something I didn’t think would be easy to pass up, plus being right after the final meant they would not have to go right home to do homework or study for other tests). We all agreed to go and it was a blast. Someone in the group was smart enough to notice that we should really make a plan meet up again or most likely it wouldn’t happen, so right at sushi we made a plan to see a movie together the next week.</p>

<p>I understand shyness, but you’ve really got to overcome that. Most people are shy because they are afraid of rejection - very understandable - but really, if someone says no to hanging out to you it doesn’t necessarily mean it has something to do with you. Maybe they have other things going on in life (like work and family!, or a signiicant other commitment) that they just can’t devote enough time to anyone to consider the relationship a true friendship. If this happens, then suggest another day/time or event to do. Maybe some people are available during certain times because of prior commitments. Baiscally, don’t think you’re being rejected. Just suggest to do something else at another time and maybe they can say yes to that.</p>

<p>I notice a lot of students just hanging out by themselves on campus (sitting on a bench, eating in the cafeteria, laying on the grass, etc). Do you notice anyone from your classes doing this? If you recognize someone, just stop by and say hi to them. Chances are that classmate is also feeling lonely being all by him or her self too. Start just by saying hi and that you noticed he or she from class. Go into small talk and if he or she seem interested ask if you can exchange numbers or facebook, even using the cover that you may need a study buddy later on.</p>

<p>Don’t have a group project in your classes? Take the initiative to form a study group. I’ve done this a couple times, especially in math courses. Study sessions ease some of the shy awkwardness because everyone there is going to have studying on their minds at least from the start. Have a few study sessions together and see if you get along with anyone or the entire group (if it is smaller). Then suggest a few things to do outside of the class or study session. I’ve had a blast just talking to classmates in study groups. We always start out spending 100% of the time studying, but by the end of the course we are studying together 50% of the time or less and talking about similar interests, future plans, and other things at least 50% of the time. Even if you don’t think you need the extra studying, go and just use it as a way to meet people or know your classmates more. I was always the ‘smart’ student at the math study sessions, but I went because I liked talking to the others who went. Looking back, I could have also suggested to keep in touch with those groups too, which is part of why I think I really didn’t want my latest group from the class group project to just go away forever.</p>

<p>I never joined campus clubs or anything because I am always working during the day when they are meeting, so I can’t really comment there.</p>

<p>Hope the above suggestions help.</p>

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<p>There is some caring and good advice here, but you’re not going to change your life after reading a few thoughtful paragraphs. You don’t say what college you go to, but most colleges offer low-cost or free counseling to students. They often have support groups and workshops as well. Social anxiety or shyness is pretty common, so if you look at what your college offers you may find some avenues worth exploring. Often they use a “social fitness” model in which social skills are viewed as learned behavior, the same way you learn to do anything from math to tennis. All you’re saying is you haven’t learned the behaviors that get you the results you want, and that can be changed.</p>

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<p>I didn’t make any friends at college first semester. I have nothing against the other students; I just can’t relate to them because I am older and also shy. I have social connections outside of college. There is a professor or two I would like to be friends with but I don’t know if it would be appropriate.</p>

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<p>i didn’t. worse than that i lost my two closest online friends. i was counting on keeping my online friends so i wouldn’t have to find real ones. and my online ones were great so i didn’t feel like i was missing anything. but then i lost them from being an idiot. now i have to either find some real ones (haven’t had any of those in six years) or go back to the market for online ones. probably going to go with the second option. i’ve had more success there than anywhere else.</p>

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<p>No, not really. I’m nervous this time around, only because I’ll be returning to school after being out for a year and a half.</p>

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<p>I’ve gained a number of friends this semester, actually. My two best ones live next door to and across the hall from me.</p>

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<p>I made friends, but I also knew people going in. I found that we’d stick together and pool together our resources. Friends’ roommates became friends, classmates’ friends see cause friends, etc. </p>

<p>It’s all about networking! It’s always good good to hang out with friends’ friends friends so that you can get to know more people.</p>