<p>
Not irrational at all. If you don’t feel like approaching other people, don’t. Nothing wrong with that. Personally I haven’t rly approached ppl so far. I can’t even remember ppl’s names. D: The person I’ve probably talked to the most so far since arriving (outside of HS friends) is my RA.</p>
<p>Waiting for someone else to approach you because you don’t want to approach other people is kinda heading in the direction of possibly having no friends in college.</p>
<p>You guys just need to not be overbearing, desperate and creepy when you approach someone. Don’t go up to random people. Talk to people when you are in the same situation together like a club or class or in a line or if they have/are doing something that interests you/you think is cool. Don’t talk about boring things like your major or something unless you plan on doing something kick ass when you graduate. And don’t just sit around waiting for someone to feel sorry for you and come talk to you!</p>
<p>I’ve also found that it helps to talk about them, like asking them what they did over the summer, or where they’re from, or what they think of the college so far. Some people (probably most people) LOVE to talk about themselves, so if you engage in a conversation about them, many will say a lot. </p>
<p>It really helps to have some kind of connection. Like if someone tells you he’s from New York City, then you potentially have a lot of ways to keep the conversation interesting.</p>
<p>If someone just gives really short answers, like yep, nope, or sort of… then it means they’re not into the conversation. Maybe they’re just not great at conversation and you should talk to someone else.</p>
<p>I think it’ll help if you join a club. Like a church group, community service group or some sports group. People tend to be really friendly in them, and you know you have common interests (and that you’ll be seeing each other often). As for randomly approaching people…I’m not sure how you did it specifically, but I personally don’t tend to become really close friends with people who randomly started talking ot me unless we have something binding us together (such as a club or a class). It’s kinda hard to keep track if you only see them once a week. But I am sure you’ll find lots of friends as the year gets on a roll. :)</p>
<p>I can definitely appreciate how hard you’re trying! I don’t think I could be that bent on meeting people. I’m really bad with conversations and keeping them going, soo yeah. I never know what to talk about because I HATE talking about myself. It just feels so rude and self-centered to go on about what has happened to me recently because I feel like people couldn’t care less. I’m a great listener, though, I love hearing about peoples’ days no matter how boring they are.</p>
<p>
I think people are going to be less comfortable when you try to force encounters than when you let them happen more naturally such as meeting people in class or in a club. BTW are you in a dorm or commuting? Dorms can be more social; you see someone from your floor in the cafeteria and you can join them, and often people go in groups to eat or do something in town.</p>
<p>I just wanted to say: thanks for all the advice, I’m definitely going to be more laid back now. I am now eating all my meals alone but I guess it’s better than approaching people and coming off as desperate. :)</p>
<p>It’s okay to eat alone. Even when you have a ton of friends you will still take a lot of meals alone as schedules don’t always fit together and you won’t always eat at the same time, most likely. If it makes you uncomfortable, bring a book and study or something. No big deal.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yes it is irrational, because you are afraid of a situation in which there is no threat to harm you. It is a no-lose situation: either you have a new friend or you stay as you are.
Everything to gain, nothing to lose.</p>
<p>Realizing the fear is irrational and there is NO ACTUAL THREAT (only PERCEIVED danger) is the first step. </p>
<p>Then you can take action in spite of the fear, knowing that its not real.
After you approach people, you will realize “nothing bad happened”, you weren’t vaporized to the ground or eaten alive or punched in the face.</p>
<p>You will be asking yourself, “Is this what I was afraid of?”</p>
<p>why don’t you eat meals with people from your hall?</p>
<p>go to your activities fair, and sign up for what you are interested in. When you go there, talk to the people around you, and you will meet people with similar interests.</p>
<p>Clubs / activities are a much better place to meet people than the dining hall.</p>
<p>good call collegeboss</p>
<p>maybe make friends from the same social group.</p>
<p>I think it is important to realize that what you want to establish now is a social network - and true friends take time and will come later. It is ok to eat alone sometimes but you should continue to work at establishing connections - they don’t have to be deep and meaningful. You will not have to look for subtle clues to find out if people don’t want to be with you - 99% of the time people make it very clear that they don’t want to be with you. If you are guessing how they feel it is more likely that their behavior has more to do with how they feel and nothing to do with you.</p>
<p>I imagine that you probably have a high emotional quotient and are picking up subtle clues - don’t! Consider making connections your job, approach it as a daily task like eating, keep it all simple and believe in yourself! What you really need to do is to ‘map’ your new environment - you need to have familiar landmarks to navigate your way around campus and you need to have familiar faces around you to emotionally navigate as well. As collegeboss pointed out it is very important to realize that what you are feeling is extreme discomfort because everything is new but that it is not threatening. In this type of setting physical exercise, yoga, stretching, walking can help relieve the sensation that you are in danger when you aren’t.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Except… its not fear. Its just unwillingness. As I stated earlier I hate forced social situations. Its just awkward and uncomfortable for me and I prefer to just be with myself.</p>
<p>Try to get into study groups. When people see that you’re good at something they’ll stick to you instead of you trying to stick to them. </p>
<p>Friends aren’t that important anyway, odds are if you’re going to grad school you’re gonna make longterm friends there.</p>
<p>Or you could just make friends with inanimate objects. Like your pillow.</p>
<p>You: Hello Pillowtor!
Pillowtor: Hello !
You: I failed my physics test!
Pillowtor: Don’t worry bout it sista, it happens. This one time me and The Soapanator were out on a date and …</p>
<p>Facing awkwardness and dealing with uncomfortable social situations are two the reasons you grow socially in college. Instead of running away and being by yourself, you should try to put yourself out there and make small talk and be a good listener. Forced social settings = conferences=meeting with clients=interviewing for jobs=meeting your potential spouse’s family for the first time.
It has to do with gaining self confidence in yourself and thinking you are worth the trouble to get to know.</p>
<p>I seriously thought this whole obsession with making friends on the first day was a College Confidential thing, however, so far quite a few freshmen have annoyed me with their horrible social skills and attempts to be best buds by the end of class. It is really getting on my nerves.</p>
<p>^It’s an “I have an irrational fear that I’ll be alone for 4 years” thing, not a CC thing. I’ll likely be bothering people with my own horrible social skills, though I’ll try to aim at others doing the same thing and all should work out.</p>
<p>Ditto that, QwertyKey. Maybe we’ll bother each other with our respective horrible social skills. Although apparently I am too ugly to make friends, according to this thread.</p>
<p>I find it funny how that’s entirely possible since we’ll be going to the same school.</p>