<p>I'm a freshman and I've been at college for a little over two weeks and I've never been more miserable in my life. My school is pretty big it has like 20,000 undergrad and it's certainly eclectic but I haven't met anyone like me. I've gone to club meetings, talked to people in my classes, met everyone in my hall, and hung out with them. invited someone to dinner last weekend, etc. So it's not that I haven't tried it's that all the people I've met I haven't connected to. People always tell me to talk to everyone, do activities, be open minded and I've been doing that and it hasn't worked out. I knew coming in here that it'd be hard to find people like me in my age group since I'm mature, I hate social media, I'm eccentric, I can't do small talk, I can't stand trivial conversations, etc. I like people who are really deep, like talking about controversial topics, aren't into social media, don't conform, are eccentric, mature, etc. I know that it's much easier finding superficial people than the people I'm looking for but I thought I'd find at least one person who I have the potential to click with and I haven't. I've never felt so hopeless and lost. I want to get away from the meaningless chatter. There are girls I hang out with who keep me included in everything they do but they are not what I'm looking for. I just have no one else. I don't know what else I can do because I've already done everything I can to find people I like and it hasn't worked. Like are they just going to appear? How on earth am i going to find the people I'm looking for if I haven't found them anywhere? I feel sick and scared. The thing I want most out of life are meaningful, deep relationships. Everything else seems pointless with out them. I know you can't become super close to someone in two weeks but I haven't even met someone who I feel like I have the potential to become super close with. Everyone is the same. No one is like me. I feel like I'm never going to find my place and that there's nothing left for me anymore. I see a counselor but talking to him won't make what I want appear. I just feel terrible all the time. I try to be positive and tell myself it takes time but I'm going to be going to the same places everyday and at those places I've found no one. I don't know how to be optimistic anymore.</p>
<p>I found one person when I was in my late forties. They’re out there. Don’t give up. :-)</p>
<p>How about starting your own club? Maybe having people come to you over a shared interest might help.</p>
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<p>This right here is your problem. Frankly, this makes you sound like a pretentious d-bag, and you are almost certainly coming off that way in conversations and when you are hanging out with people. You really can’t get to the level of deep meaningful friendships without pushing through the beginning small talk and casual friendships. Connections don’t happen immediately in real life, you have to work to build them. My best friend from college was someone I met at the beginning of my freshman year and was casual “friends” with for over a year before we actually became really good friends. It takes time.</p>
<p>Did you have all this deep thinking, perfect friends in your life before? Did you have friends in high school? College is not going to suddenly transform your life.</p>
<p>You say the other other girls are including you, but you don’t want to include them in your life. You aren’t willing to change to try to enjoy what they enjoy. Just because other people like to talk about sports or movies or fashion doesn’t make them superficial - they like those things, find them fun. If you want to talk about deep issues, you are going to have to join clubs or discussion groups specifically for those things. Student council (although there is going to be a fair amount of discussion on what to serve at the picnic), philosophy clubs, religious clubs. These clubs are not going to be hardcore discussions all the time Being social means eating and drinking with friends, asking about their families, talking about campus activities. My daughter isn’t into sports, but she knows when the football team is playing and pretends to care if they win or lose.</p>
<p>Remember that Barbra Streisand didn’t get to keep Robert Redford in The Way We Were because she couldn’t enjoy the trivial things in life. I think you need to enjoy some of the trivial things to have a more balanced life.</p>
<p>It’s just harder for you if those are your interests. Just hang out with people who you may or may not share interests with.</p>
<p>Please indicate clearly how one can form a deep meaningful relationship in two weeks time. Or even in six months time. Look at the club list.</p>
<p>And stop looking intently for someone with your special characteristics. Lots of good people out there.</p>
<p>Instead of trying to find people to match you, try seeing people as they are and figuring out what they are like. Be interested in them. Mentally try to take yourself out of the picture for a bit while you are getting to know someone.</p>
<p>I’m not hearing a lot of maturity here… I hear someone wanting an instant set of friends like yourself, and not being particularly open minded to give other people a chance. But it is possible that one of your problems is that you are probably living in a freshman dorm and have classes with a lot of freshman. It might take until next year before you meet more people like yourself. For next year, you might consider cooperative housing if they offer it on your campus (often has mixed age ranges, and when I was in college it attracted some people like what you are describing).</p>
<p>jazzcatastrophe I’m saying how I feel. I know how it sounds I’m not stupid. I knew some judgemental people like you would take it that way. Of course I don’t say that to people and of course I try. I know the people that I’m friends with are not going to be my close friends but I’m nice to them and I try to enjoy them. But I’m sorry that I can’t.
Everyone else, I’m not trying to find someone who matches me, my best friend didn’t but I clicked with her since we both felt the same way about things and she wasn’t superficial. Of course I have to enjoy trivial things in life. When the ■■■■ did I say I won’t enjoy a singe trivial thing? I’m not looking for a match but I haven’t found a single person who I feel comfortable with and able to talk about my feelings with. Did you guys not read the part of my question that said I know it doesn’t take two weeks to find close friends? I don’t want an instant group of friends but I haven’t found a single person who I at least have the potential to become close with and that’s all I want right now. I wanted to be helped not lectured.</p>
<p>You didn’t think my suggestion was helpful? Another way of putting it would try to take the pressure off yourself - just accept people as they are. Then focus on doing something you enjoy - you will be happier, and your positive energy will attract like-minded people to you.</p>