I made a post a while back, but today I’ve been so miserable I thought about skipping class. Here’s my deal:
It’s the first day of classes and I was very overwhelmed, but that’s ok because it’s college and I didn’t expect anything less. But my problem comes from the fact that I have no friends. Everyone around me has friends but I’m alone. I met someone today, but our schedules are complete opposites and meet when the other is not in class. I feel so alone.
I’m also very homesick. I want my parents as childish as that sounds. I cried twice today about it.
What should I do?
Join a couple clubs, maybe you’ll make some good friends that way. If you are religious (e.g. Christian, Muslim, Hindu), there might be a religious club that you can meet friends of the same faith as you.
If you live in a dorm, get to know your dorm-mates and plan fun things together.
I assume you’re living on campus(?). Is there an RA or somebody you can talk to? Check in with student health service, you are not the first person to be homesick. It is a big adjustment and your school should have some resources to help you.
On the social side, perhaps joins some clubs to help meet more people.
Good luck and hang in there!
Whenever my d called from college in the first week or so like this, I said to hang up and get outside. Take a walk, go to the gym. Every college has some sort of service organization that needs volunteers whether it is helping to tutor, collecting food for a food drive, campus clean-up whatever it might be. You meet people by doing, by doing like-minded things. Classes are just starting but soon there will be study groups for whatever classes you have- join them.
Hang in there! There are lots of other students who feel exactly the way you do. You just don’t realize others feel the same way because everyone puts on a brave face when they’re in public. @bookmama22 gave you great advice. I’d add to it that one thing that makes bad feelings grow is to dwell on them. Given how you’re feeling, you want to do things that will take your mind off of your feelings of loneliness–exercise, take a walk, go to a lecture or music performance, read a book for fun, meditate. Talk to the people in your class while you’re waiting for it to start–the people sitting silently next to you are probably also wishing they had friends. The problem is everyone assumes that the fact that the people around them aren’t talking to them is because they are stuck up, etc. when in reality many people are just shy.
See if that person you met today wants to hang out some evening or weekend.
Go to class. That is the number one reason why you are in college, for the education. Besides, classes are one of the most likely places to meet other people that may become your friends. No matter what else is going on, do as well as you can with your courses. Doing well keeps your options in life more open.
Hang in there. Homesickness will come and go. Struggles with new relationships will come and go. You can do this.
The worst thing to do is to not go out and stay in your dorm. You won’t meet anyone sitting in your room. I went to school where I didn’t know anyone. My first room mate was a transfer and a junior so we didn’t really have anything in common. I met a few people by just going to class but I also met people by staying around campus as much as I could. Between classes I would go to the student union to hang out. I am shy by nature and very much an introvert so it wasn’t easy but I forced myself to do it.
I also would read the boards, there were plenty of things posted in the student union or around campus for groups and activities, parties, bands playing at local clubs, etc. If you have a hobby, find a club around your hobby.
I found the easiest place to meet people was more in the student union or rec center. If you go to the rec center and walk on a treadmill you’ll start to see some of the same people over and over and it makes it easier to strike up a conversation. You just have to pick two or three spots that you regularly spend some time at and you probably will start to find the same people showing up over and over again.
I avoided the library because people are there to study and not socialize. You need to find the spots on campus where people hang out where there is a little more socialization happening.
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During Orientation, go to as many activities as you can. Ask people in your hall way if they are going. Introduce yourself…they are looking for friends too. “Hey, I am Pat…what are you majoring in?”
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Go to the Activities Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.
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Talk to the people on your floor…Get some cookies and offer them “Hey I have cookies, anyone want some?” and then strike up a conversation about where they are from, what they are majoring in, etc. People like to talk about themselves…let them. Don’t make it too long…move on to others.
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At dinner time, ask your roommate/people on your hall if they are going to dining hall. Go with them. See if people in your dorm generally sit in the same area… Join them.
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Go to any dorm activities your RA has set up. If you are still having issues, talk to your RA. See if they have ideas. If not suggest that they have one. Maybe a movie and pizza?
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Join your dorm’s intramural (or any intramural) team.
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Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.
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If this isn’t working, go to the Counseling Center…they are ready to help freshman this time of year. Don’t think you are a loser because you have to go…this is something you pay for! Get the benefit! You may need to learn some new social skills. They may also have group talks on Homesickness or fitting in.
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Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus.
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See if your dorm/floor has a GroupMe Group set up…otherwise suggest to someone who is extraverted that it might be a good idea. Then people can send a group text that they are showing a movie in the lounge or are baking cupcakes in the kitchen.
You may notice that all of these things take some action…they are not passive. You have to take initiative. But the risk is small…if someone says no, then just say “Maybe another time”.
Ah, the “joys” of starting college! I just started recently, so I know how you feel.
– This is going to be hard, but you’re going to have to pick yourself up and get out there. Everyone else is really nervous (or at least… a little nervous) when they start college, and everyone is frantically trying to make friends and become part of a group.
Because of this, it SEEMS like everyone already has friends, but that’s just a ruse. Those kids talking so familiarly other there? They don’t actually know each other very well, they just live in the same dorm and don’t want to be alone, so they’ve latched onto each other. That’s basically how it goes. Don’t be those kids. Make some real friends! I’m sure that your college has made it more than possible for you to feel like you fit in somewhere.
– Don’t worry about anything unnecessary, just worry about yourself. Don’t look at what other people are doing. Focus on what you want/need to do. Take deep breaths. If you get overwhelmed, just walk around campus for a bit and think- that always helps me.
– Some more tips when it comes to not feeling so awkward and making friends. Smile! Just go ahead and smile at people, smile when you’re walking, smile when you’re talking, even when you don’t feel like it! I’m a real pessimist, so I basically had to force myself to do this- it helps, though. Try to say, “Hello!” to everyone you meet. Sitting next to someone before class starts, say “Hi!”, introduce yourself. That’s not too hard. I internally made myself do this once during a seminar, and actually ended up getting invited to the person’s dorm to hangout, so it works!
– Take advantage of what your school has to offer. Clubs are a really good idea. Everyone is always eager for new people to join their club, so join one! Take the plunge. If your school has weekly activities like seminars, artist/author talks, lectures, parties, movies, or concerts, try them out!
Last of all, good luck! I wish you all the best on your new venture. ;D
I know exactly how you feel, I felt that way all sophomore year of community college until I graduated. It was the worst and with me transferring to a university soon, I am having doubts that it may be the same. However, it shouldn’t happen to me because I am extremely open and friendly talkative person, so it was very strange of me being loner. I understood that it wasn’t me, it was my environment, the city, the college, the whole student life was dead. Completely I felt just as you did, I wanted to give up on school and studying, but I kept telling myself school is just way too expensive to quit now, how am I going to let others define who I am set out to be?
Now, being at a commuter school that’s also a community college filled with mums, dads, people with responsibilities such as babies and work, it was impossible for me to make friends. I joined countless clubs and I was definitely involved on campus, but nothing worked. I found out the city I live at everybody isn’t friendly, you don’t get that southern hospitality like you get at the other southern states. The city life wasn’t interesting me either.
You have to decide is the school I am at filled with those individuals I listed above or is it just the area I am at? Have I tried to at least put myself out there? Do I consider myself more of a extroverted or introverted person?
If that one person has a different schedule than you, find another person that does. Its difficult of course especially when you have already hit rock bottom, but you gotta push yourself up and keep moving forward. This is just a challenge a storm that you have to endure, trust me there will be more in the future.
I’d pray about it also, that’s what I do. Then, find yourself a hobby and allow God to work on it. He will come through for you. However, you have to trust God and not worry about it. Everything will work out!
My kid was put into a three person dorm…with two girls who had been best friends since elementary school. LOL. They were affluent and interested in rushing sororities, drinking and football. My kid gets a lot of aid and was interested in science, and bugs, video games, anime…nerdy stuff. She was the ULTIMATE third wheel. Total culture clash. Not only were her roommates not particularly friendly, she couldn’t even go to her dorm to relax because her room was typically full of people she didn’t have much in common with.
She called me quite a bit that first semester, feeling blue and missing home and having a LOT of doubts. It’s not easy having everything in your life change all at once. Most kids coming into UMich experience that sense of…OMG, I’m not the smartest person in the room anymore! Am I average? Oh man, am I one of the dumber people here? I have heard this described by so many kids, it’s funny. And believe it or not…most people have a tough time making friends at first.
My kid got so desperate, she came home every other weekend for a little while. Just to escape her room mate situation. It’s no big deal if you want to go home for a weekend…lotta people do. Just don’t make it too much of a habit, or you could miss out on the friends you need to find.
You’re just a couple weeks in. This is gonna improve, I promise.
Give it time. Talk to your RA. Talk to counselors. Talk to mental health if you feel like you’re getting too depressed. Get out and attend the mixers. Go for walks…walking is terrific for depression, and you can learn you way around a really cool town. Join groups. Take a risk and talk to people. Borrow something from a neighbor and say…hey, if you need anything, I’ll help you out, too, if I can. Look for the person sitting alone and go ask if you can sit with them. Strike up a conversation.
One thing my kid did that really helped…was get a job. She only worked 8-10 hours a week, but her coworkers were sweet to her and were a little more her speed than her room mates. It was a good way to meet people and make friends. Joining a group related to her major also helped.
My kid sat on a bench on the diag with a jar of little kid’s bubble mix…blowing bubbles and smiling at various strangers. Ended up having coffee with a cute guy who became a terrific friend. (why are the beautiful ones always gay? lol) And by the end of the day, was having a great time with a couple of other girls who talked her into going to a group meet with them.
But yeah…like everyone has said here…just hang in there. You will find your people:)
This year (her junior year), my kid’s social life is so packed, I have a heck of time catching up with her to get the updates. She’s living with a good friend in an apartment, and they throw weird little parties for other nerdy types…and they’re having the time of their lives. She’s also adapted to the academic rigor of UMich…which took some time. Her grades are excellent again, and she’s got that swagger back. LOL.
Stay open to people. Smile if you can manage it. Learn to enjoy your own company. If you can be happy being alone…people notice, and will think you’re pretty strong and pretty cool.
This, too, shall pass. I promise:)
Oh yeah…and something else…My kiddo said that wearing teeshirts with her favorite things on them…cultural references/bands/games/shows she liked…was a great ice breaker for attracting people who shared her interests. Shockingly effective with…boys. Might be worth a shot?