<p>I moved into college on Sunday, and I know that it's only the first week, but I just absolutely hate it. I basically have zero friends. I seriously don't understand what I could be doing wrong, before coming to college, making friends was like my least concern, but now that I'm here it's the total opposite. I have never been in this type of situation before and been unable to make friends- in high school I had tons of friends, I was on the cheerleading team, I love to have fun and go out, I'd even consider myself to be pretty, I just don't get it. I've been trying to put myself out there and talk to people on my floor, in my classes, etc., but no one seems to be interested in anything further than that. It seems like literally everyone already has their own little friend group and I'm just here alone and it sucks. I'm at the point where I don't even have the energy to try anymore cause it just seems kinda hopeless. I didn't go to lunch or to dinner today because I have no one to eat with. I miss my home and family and high school friends and even high school in general so much. I'm really not the type to complain or talk about my problems, and I'm probably the most unemotional person ever, but I don't know what to do, I'm so upset all of the time and whenever I'm alone I just cry. I want to tell my parents this so badly, but I'd just feel so guilty making them upset because I'm upset. All I want to do is go home and never have to come back.</p>
<p>Seems like your post is better suited for the College Life category. You might get more comments and perhaps better comments too.</p>
<p>First of all, food is the first order of business. The simplist way to get depressed is to stop eating. Eat regularly and healthy and you’ll feel better.</p>
<p>Keep in mind, making friends in 4 days, that’s kinda fast. Some of the friends you had in high school you may have known since kindergarden. There’s a common marketing saying that it takes 20 touches to make a sale. Making friends isn’t much different. If you feel you can have a connection with someone keep approaching them (without being annoying of course). I believe you’ll find that some people who were cautious towards you at first will start to warm up to you in time.</p>
<p>Find people who have common interests with you. Have you looked at clubs and organizations on campus? This is the time of year they’re looking for new students to join. For what it’s worth, when you said ‘cheerleader’ I immediately thought ‘sorority’. Greek life can provide excellent social support as long as you don’t make the greek life dumb mistakes.</p>
<p>Last but not least, it’s OK to tell your parents. They’re more experienced at life than you are and know you better than anyone. </p>
<p>It sounds like you arrived at your school the day before classes started. You may have missed the welcoming activities the school had for new students. </p>
<p>Find some clubs to join. </p>
<p>This will be your first weekend at the school. are there any activities planned? football game? anything? </p>
<p>It Is VERY early. Join clubs, intramurals, or religious groups and you will meet and spend more time with people. When you’re going to lunch, ask people if they would like to join you. It may take more work than you’re use to when you grew up with your friends but it won’t be bad.</p>
<p>This is all part of the college growing experience. It gets easier as each week passes. By Thanksgiving it will be much better and when you return for the second semester it will be even better.</p>
<p>Be patient.</p>
<p>People like people who are upbeat and positive. Be upbeat and positive and continue to do so no matter what. It’s only been 5 days. </p>
<p>Sending hugs your way. The friends you had in high school were developed over time, with large numbers of kids in a routine setting, you were most likely forced together into some of the same classes, rode the school bus together, etc. </p>
<p>Then, you head off to college and you start at square one. You are in a strange place, nothing works the same way, your safety net is gone. It is totally up to you to make things happen. It doesn’t seem possible to you, but you are not alone. There are other kids at your college that are sitting alone in their dorm room crying their eyes out every night.</p>
<p>So, besides reminding yourself of how great you thought this college was before you moved in, what can you do to get over this hump and dig into your new life? Take some baby steps. Look 5 people in the eyes today and say hello. Come up with 3 or 4 lines you can speak to others to possibly start conversations. Ask a question of your RA in your dorm, and if you’re bold enough, share your concern with your RA. They may know that Susie down the hall is also in the same situation.</p>
<p>DO NOT SIT IN YOUR DORM ROOM ALL DAY.</p>
<p>Put yourself out there. Sit outside if weather is nice. Sit in college coffee shop. Smile at people you meet in line. Stop by your professor’s office and ask a question about class. Attend every Freshman orientation event. Go to the movies/concert/free food events that are happening around campus.</p>
<p>And admit if you need more help. Your college has a counseling center, and they see kids every year that have trouble adjusting to a new way of life. They are experts on helping kids transition.</p>
<p>As a parent, it is easy to say that this is a short transition, when it seems to you to be the end of the world. But did you really work so hard in high school to make it onto campus, just to turn around and move back home 2 weeks later?? Think about the alternative…sitting at home this semester while most of your friends are at their colleges making the most of their new situations. You really don’t want to go home, you just want this transition time to go away. You want instant friends, you want closeness, but that doesn’t happen right away. It takes time. </p>
<p>Conquer this transition time, and you gain confidence to take on anything that comes at you later in life. Shrink from this challenge, and you will be shrinking in fear at every uncomfortable situation you face in life.</p>
<p>I encourage you to give it some time, make the effort every day to reach out, and smile as you go about your day. Once you get into class routines, you’ll see the same folks and can make conversation before and after class. Your new best friend is out there, you just have to talk to a lot of people before you find them!</p>
<p>Most things in life are temporary. Just stick it out, later you will chuckle over it. I hate to sound cheesy, but smile and say hi to others…they may feel the same way as you.</p>
<p>During meal times, go find a group of two-three people and just ask if you can join them. Bring your roommate along (if you guys get along), it can make socializing easier. That’s how me and my roommate became good friends with people in a building near us. </p>
<p>Get to class a bit early. If someone is sitting near you, just make eye contact and make a comment on the class or something. It’ll get the conversation rolling and if you land on the right people, you’ve just made friends with people in your class. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>I agree with mom2’s suggestion to find some activities. That’s the easiest way to get to know other people. I also agree that you need to make sure you eat (and get exercise! and sunlight if possible).</p>
<p>You’re not the only one feeling this way. There are a lot of threads right now on this forum from students (and their parents) who are lonely, depressed, hate their school, etc. Give it some time. </p>
<p>If you always had a big group of friends in high school, this is undoubtedly a huge adjustment for you right now. A lot of those students you see walking around whom you assume all have their own little friend group, probably don’t know any more people than you do – they’re just more used to being on their own. But everyone has to go through this at some point in their life – if not now, it would be when you started your first full-time job, or moved to a new city, or something. You have to learn to find what makes you happy even when you’re all by yourself. What activities did you enjoy in high school? What about your college classes – are you finding them interesting? That’s what you’re supposed to be at college for, after all.</p>
<p>I am sure you will find your friends. Remember, it hasn’t even been a week yet! Many, many students have a hard time when they first go to college, and nearly all of them end up having a great time there. Hang in there.</p>
<p>PIA Alert (Possibly Irrelevant Anecdote)!!</p>
<p>D’s friend came home from college at Thanksgiving totally bummed and alienated. No one liked her. Their sense of humor was different from hers. She felt like the odd-ball in any conversation or party. She wanted out. But she had a great time with her h.s. friends at Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>She came back home at the winter holidays and was in love with her school and her friends. She didn’t know what she’d done differently or what they’d done differently, but boom it was a warm, welcoming place. She still had people she didn’t like and who didn’t like her, btw, but she had enough friends now. </p>
<p>My sophomore students have told me that as freshmen up until their first Thanksgiving they spent their time pining for their h.s. friends, then they get home and see them and they’re still their h.s. friends, so when they go back to college they’re just much more comfortable that they have friends, they’ve made friends in the past, that the problem isn’t them, and they relax.</p>
<p>It’s a lot to take on, this first semester of college, a lot of adjustments, and it’s really really hard to make more than one or two of them well. Give yourself some time. Concentrate on your breathing, get exercise, and eat right.</p>
<p>You have described my daughter’s feelings exactly as she explained them to us two years ago.<br>
We got calls at 1 am where she was crying and upset and we made the same suggestions as the above posters. So please really consider what the people here are telling you. You have to get out of your room and explore your campus. So lets do this as a checklist: </p>
<p>PROBLEM SOLVING:
- TALK TO YOUR PARENTS!! They love you and care about you and anything that is upsetting. We told our daughter to call us anytime of day or night. You need their support and when you cry, they will make you feel better.</p>
<p>2) Sweetie: You have to eat! Grab a yogurt or bagel/banana and eat for your health.</p>
<p>My daughter tried joining people for meals, but it didn’t work for her, early on.</p>
<p>What did work was going to the commuter lounge, (she’s at a big campus). It helped that the commuter lounge happened to have a large coffee shop. She noticed that most of the people there ate alone and didn’t seem to care. They had their books out or were reading the WSJ paper, etc. We told her to open a book and study while eating. (If you have your IPAD or phone out, people wont approach you and think you are busy.) She had people approach her with comments like: “Who’s your instructor for that class?” “How’s it going in Bio?” She met a lot of people that way who would eat breakfast with her and tell her how to study for certain projects. </p>
<p>3) CLUBS/VOLUNTEERING: You need to be a part of your university. Act on it.
Our daughter did join clubs later, but the best thing she did early on was to become a volunteer at several on-campus organizations. She met like-minded kids and the staffs loved her enthusiasm and they needed her. This gave her a place to go to between classes and helped her to not think about being alone. She went to the health center and asked if she could volunteer to file. (She had worked at our vet’s office and had medical experience).</p>
<p>Also, because she was put right to work, everyone introduced themselves, invited her to lunch, talked often to her and asked her on a daily basis how things were going. It helped that they all spoke of similar experiences.</p>
<p>She’s now living with 6 girls, whom I call the 7 dwarves, in a house off-campus. She loves her friends, school, work, etc.</p>
<p>Please call your parents now, then go out of your room, wash your face, grab something to eat now, and walk around campus. Find the volunteer office or just go to admin building and ask. They’ll find something for you. Good Luck! Let us know how you are doing.</p>
<p>Call your mom (or dad). Don’t think that your feeling sad is a burden for them. They will be there for you. We are mature enough to know that your feelings will pass, but just like when you were younger, they will be there to listen and empathize. The couple of times my daughter called teary, I just talked her through it, gave encouragement and told her to hold tight. Most times the call was followed the next day by a happy one.</p>
<p>While your mom may hurt to hear your hurt, most moms would rather know what’s going on than to imagine it. Knowing gives her the power to help. Mind you, I am not saying she is to step in and do anything. She will just be a listening ear - hopefully. So, go pick up the phone and call.</p>
<p>Go workout in the gym at the same time every day for two weeks. Connect to the regulars.</p>
<p>Go looking for someone to borrow an iron from. The favor will help build a connection.</p>
<p>Invite a classmate to an something related to class (art exhibit for an art class, etc.)</p>
<p>Volunteer where you have to collaborate with same peers over the whole semester. Build connections. </p>
<p>Ask to help the student activities personnel with an event or project. Ask to be paired with another student. </p>
<p>That type of thing. </p>
<p>Are there any organizations at your school to get involved in? I was a freshman last year and I didn’t really meet friends in my dorm or in my classes, but I got to know some people by getting involved in groups on campus. I have gotten involved in a couple Christian groups on campus and made a lot of friends that way. There are also usually community service groups, honors organizations, or different kinds of leadership groups. If you can find something to devote time to, you will likely find friends there and people to hang out with. </p>