im in my first year at college. let me start off by saying this school was my last choice because of how far it is from my home (6 hours), and the only reason I applied was because it offered the program I wanted. because my program is so competitive, I only got accepted into one school for it… and now here I am.
im living in res. i like how its so convenient, and i get along really well with my roommate, were even in the same program so we study quite a bit together and keep each other motivated. my neighbours are big time partiers, whereas im completely the opposite, so that sucks. they have their music blaring right up until quiet hour. weekends are pretty crazy, so after about 7:00 i don’t leave my room because there are drunk teenagers filling the hallway. lots of screaming… not my scene at all.
i do really like the program though. im very interested in what im learning. don’t get me wrong, its really hard… lots of content, and that can get discouraging sometimes. i do worry that i may not make it past first year, as ive been told the drop out/failing rate is about 50/50 going into second year. don’t get me wrong… i defiantly don’t want to fail, but it worries me nonetheless. and if i do fail… that’s A LOT of money, time ,and effort seemingly just wasted.
im rambling. so, what’s the problem really? im not really enjoying my time here. i like the classes, but that’s about it. im close with my roommate, but that’s it. i have acquaintances, but no one i can really call a friend, its more like if i see you ill say hi then keep walking. i miss my family and friends at home. and it seems all i have time for is studying (its either study and get decent grades or have fun).
am i missing something?! i thought college was supposed to be ‘the time of your life’…
You have two big things in your favor - your roommate and your classes. Huge win there. I’d give it some more time. Don’t psych yourself out, either, about the failure rate of your program.
Maybe next year you and your roommate can move off campus and have a bit more quiet?
It will be Christmas break before you know it - hang in there.
You have been there for s month… give it more time. But you are discovering something lots of students gloss over when thinking about college – it is a LOT of work. You spend more time in class and studying than anything else. But it sounds like you like the academics, are doing okay at that, and like your roommate. Those are all good things! Hopefully you can stick with your roommate next year and find a calmer place to live. Freshman dorms are the worst… but this too will pass.
Are there any clubs or activities on campus that you could join to meet more people?
The thing about college is that the first thing you have to anticipate is the “Doubt”. There are a lot of college students out there who’ve felt the same thing you’re feeling. The probable trick to it is to let it sink in (give it a year) and think thoroughly before deciding on anything
I guess i’ll just give it some more time. what im realising though is that I don’t think its just the fact that im away at school. its that im realising that my close friends aren’t so close with me anymore. I haven’t talked to some of them in weeks, and I see posts on their facebook and im just thinking to myself… wow I missed that really important part of their lives. and they are off making friends that they seem so close with, and im just sitting in my dorm so excited for thanksgiving so I can go home and get away from this place and back to my old life for a little while.
I knew we were going to grow apart, its inevitable, but I just didn’t know it would happen so quickly.
My kids are still friends with her high school friends but it’s a smaller group now. So you will meet them at Thanksgiving. Life moves on. It’s a little sad but it’s part of growing up.
Well, that is a pitfall of modern college life that your parents didn’t have to deal with. We didn’t have FB and didn’t know what anyone else was up to until we saw them at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Seems like a blessing in hindsight. Remember that people only put the FUN stuff on FB, the stuff they want you to envy. Some of them may be failing a class, hating their roommate, or missing their family – but they aren’t going to post that stuff.
Going home isn’t going to bring your old friends back – they are having their college experiences regardless of what you do. You need to get out and keep busy, and make as many connections as possible on your new campus.
If it makes you feel any better, both of my kids have kept in touch with their closest friends from high school even thought not one person from their high school attended the same college. One of D1’s friends started working at D1’s company last year (D1 referred her for the job). And she is having lunch with another HS friend this week who has been overseas for work, but lives in D1’s city the rest of the time. D2 chats on the phone every few weeks with her best buddies from HS, and goes out a lot for coffee with them when they are all in town on breaks. Still going on during junior year of college. But both got involved on their campuses and made friends – not a ton right away, but gradually over the course of freshman year.
There may still be time to put your name on a list for change of dorm/housing, but that list probably closes in about two weeks. The upside of a change is you would be away from the people you now know whom you find so displeasing. The flip side of that is you will have to put your best foot forward and be as resilient as you can be in the next housing situation if that does not seem a better fit.
Delve into something twice a week that will get you out, mingling with others who are interested in things you’re interested in. Hang in there.
If you are studying and putting in the work, you are less likely to be part of the 50% who fail out. Those are the ones screaming in the hallway all night- mostly.
Stop and talk to those acquaintances- don’t just keep walking. Invite them to dinner or to the library to study. That’s how acquaintances become friends.
After this semester or maybe after mid terms you’ll have a better feel for how to manage studying and “fun.” You’ll figure it out. Some of those partiers will too.
I remember being afraid of failing out when I got to college. The people afraid of failing out are rarely the ones who do.
Don’t be discouraged! You are feeling homesick and maudlin because you are outside your comfort zone. Is there a cool coffee shop on campus? I found that doing homework/studying (or even working) in a ‘quietish’ public place gives you that dual feeling of quiet, but not alone. You really should try and get out of your room on Friday and Saturday nights (with your roommate even) and do something like go see a performance, hit the coffee shop, catch a campus sporting event, or see a movie. It will give you break from the craziness.
You are going to change and grow as a person- and you will make new friends and find hobbies that you love. FB is the enemy- so glad they did not have that in college. Its a “fake fun/happy” or “needy/reaching out parallel”. Better to disconnect…
The fact that you have a great roommate and great program is KEY to you having a “time of your life” college experience. You just need to grow into your new environment and new home.
I have to disagree that FB etc. make things so much worse. There were always kids at college who seemed to connect right away and were having a great time - on the surface. And mom or dad telling you about your friends’ parents telling them how your friends were all doing SO WELL. Or how your older brother had no problem fitting in.
Being 6 hours away is difficult; my son is 3 hours away but when it comes down to it, we could leave after work and get there in 3 hours, and be back in 3 hours and he’d be sleeping in his bed that night. Much harder with 6 hours, the whole day would need to be taken off. But like you said, the program you wanted is there.
I liken college to marriage - you are making a four year commitment and giving up in a month seems pretty short-sighted. You hope you picked the right “spouse” - and you remind yourself why you picked them. But like a marriage, you have to put in the effort as well, and if what you try doesn’t work, you try something else. To make it work. And perhaps ignore some minor issues and “keep your eyes on the prize”.
You’re lucky to have a good roommate, and to be honest, if people are up at all hours, I’d be looking at whether there is anything you could do about it. Many colleges have free counseling centers, and you can ask about a solution to your neighbor issues. If they are drinking in the dorm, they could be thrown out of school. You don’t have to report people individually, but you could make a general comment - they really want to know if people are making life heck for others.
And to be honest, what do you think the chance that they all drink and party nightly and complete freshman year successfully? So be content that you are doing the right thing, focusing on your studies and maybe get some ear plugs.
@sashabee You are actually doing well, despite your sad and uncomfortable feelings. These are growing pains so to speak. You have uprooted yourself from home but your new roots haven’t found their place yet. You are making a great decision by making sure your studies are your priority, that is why you are there. You have a good roommate who is becoming a friend, and that’s a lot. Your friends and your family for that matter are all going through similar changes as you as far as adjusting to life without each other in it everyday. Going back won’t bring that back. Don’t underestimate what a big adjustment this is in your life, accept it and look to the new normal. Happier feelings will happen.
@sashabee You are actually doing well, despite your sad and uncomfortable feelings. These are growing pains so to speak. You have uprooted yourself from home but your new roots haven’t found their place yet. You are making a great decision by making sure your studies are your priority, that is why you are there. You have a good roommate who is becoming a friend, and that’s a lot. Your friends and your family for that matter are all going through similar changes as you as far as adjusting to life without each other in it everyday. Going back won’t bring that back. Don’t underestimate what a big adjustment this is in your life, accept it and look to the new normal. Happier feelings will happen.
@ready100 You too will go through all kinds of feelings, that doesn’t mean you won’t be or aren’t successful. There’s a lot of learning that goes on in this transition, and some learning hurts or is a struggle, that is part of successful life.
