Uncomfortable in College?

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>I'm a college freshman who just started school - I've been here about a month and I've had a lot of ups and downs. My initial transition into college was tough - I hated orientation, was seriously homesick, and because of this had a tough time making friends. I have several good friends from high school here who live in another dorm and because I was so distraught, I spent a lot of time with them. </p>

<p>I ended up in such a steeped depression that my parents eventually took me home for a couple days. I live about 45 minutes away from my home and am homesick - this has never happened to me before (I went to summer camp, vacations, etc by myself). I was able to sort out my life while at home and return to campus a few days later. I made a few friends, joined some clubs, and even picked up a new sport.</p>

<p>It's just that I continue to feel uncomfortable here. I like my school and my classes, but I just feel weird sometimes. I am an only child from a small high school where I didn't party all the time, had only a few boyfriends, and had a good relationship with my parents. At college, it appears that everyone wants to either study by themselves, go out and drink, or hook up with a guy. This makes me feel really awkward when my interests are different. I've made a few good friends here and when I'm with them I'm fine.</p>

<p>The hardest part is at nights when my roommate is downstairs studying with her guy friend and all of my immediate friends have retreated to their rooms to study. I don't like being alone in my room, but I know that I have to get my work done. I feel pretty homesick at night (and in the morning) and sometimes I wish I could go home and commute to school. I know I can't because I like my activities here and they require time at night.</p>

<p>I've been going home on the weekends to try and get some of my work done and catch up on sleep. I look forward to going home the entire week, but when I get home I feel awkward for leaving campus and my friends. I feel weird, but at the same time I know that I'd feel weird at school. I go to parties and don't drink - I go out on the weekends and don't party - but I just feel weird with it being all around me. When I come back and here the stories of people getting sexiled and drunk, I just wish I could avoid it. </p>

<p>I also feel lonely when I'm not with my friends - when I'm in my room or studying in the library. I know I need to be alone to get this done, but when I watch so many people walk around with their friends I feel weird that I'm mostly by myself. I have friends, but I'm not used to be alone when they're not around - I always had my parents at home. </p>

<p>Is this normal and will I eventually adjust to this?</p>

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<p>That’s how I felt the first week of school, exactly. Some of it still lingers (this is week 4 for us), but I only really feel homesick after my mom visits. (I lived as far from college as you do now.) </p>

<p>Don’t know how your dorm is set up or how quiet it is, but sometimes I’ll study in the common area. Not many people go by there, but it’s usually enough to help. I also set up study groups and just “homework groups” – friends just doing homework together for any class, even if we aren’t taking the same courses. </p>

<p>I don’t run into people partying much, mostly because I’m in a quiet dorm and none of my friends are really into that. Have you made any friends who aren’t into partying? Go do something fun with them – get dinner, go to an event on campus, whatever, but it’ll be a nice evening of being around people and not hearing about how wasted they were last night.</p>

<p>Trust me, you’ll adjust eventually. At least, I did, and pretty quickly, but part of that is because I enjoy having a bit of quiet time each day. If I want company, there’s always someone outside or a club to go to. Sometimes it just becomes a matter of overscheduling yourself with social activities and then weaning yourself down to a comfort level.</p>

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<p>Try not to go home on the weekends. Work gets done during the week and the weekends are for getting together socially with people and forming friendships. By leaving on the weekends, you’re distancing yourself from the other kids.</p>

4

<p>Try studying in the library. This way you can get your work done but be around other people getting their work done too and feel less alone. Also try and organize study groups or study partners from your classes so you have people to study with. </p>

<p>Being homesick is a normal feeling in college, some have it worse than others. It takes time to get used to being on your own and sometimes you just have to go through the rough feelings and realize you can get through them. With time, you can come up with coping skills to deal with it. Try and get out and do things like go to the gym, go for a run, go shopping, etc. either alone or with friends. Find things you enjoy doing. It is important to get to the point where you enjoy your own company.</p>

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<p>“Try not to go home on the weekends. Work gets done during the week and the weekends are for getting together socially with people and forming friendships. By leaving on the weekends, you’re distancing yourself from the other kids.”</p>

<p>Seconding this, and it also makes it harder to adjust to the new lifestyle when you constantly default back to the old one on weekends. It’s better to just stick it out until break.</p>

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<p>Wow I’m going through the exact same thing. I was going to make a thread titled, “Is it really this tough?” I’ve been reading on this website for a little over a year and considered myself prepared for college. I know all the advice that people typically give about getting involved and stuff, but it’s like I just feel weird and uncomfortable at night and when I wake up. And it’s not that I don’t like the school or that I’m not making friends. I am. I’m also joining a handful of clubs. So I have things to keep me busy.</p>

<p>I like being alone, as I am an only child and I am used to it. I was in my room by myself all the time. I love being alone in certain aspects. But I just feel uncomfortable sometimes being alone here. And I feel like I should transfer, but then I think that I would feel this way no matter where I am. And going to community college definitely isn’t going to help me get used to being on my own. I just don’t know what the problem is, but I feel like I could become depressed…am I just afraid of growing up?</p>

7

<p>Please utilize your college’s counseling center, your loneliness is a common problem.</p>

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<p>Listen to music you like :)</p>

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<p>Hang in there, Sailingaway444. You sound lonely though totally grounded. You have made a few good friends, and they are the seeds for your future happiness at college. My guess is that people in your dorm will settle down soon. I bet some drink and hook up as a way to handle the very same lonely feelings you’re having. Study in the library where you can be by yourself but around people too. And, yes, visit the counseling center if the feelings ever get overwhelming. But, be assured too, this is an adjustment that takes time. Your eloquent description of your situation and the acute loneliness you feel at certain times of day and in certain situations reminded me of my adjustment to college life . . .30 years ago!!</p>

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<p>Thank you everyone!!</p>

<p>Dreamin in Japan - I feel the same way. I am also an only child, which I think may have made the college transition harder. I have a very good relationship with my parents (all of my high school friends were always perplexed by this) and used to tell them everything. I would often be at home alone studying in high school, but I always felt secure knowing that they were either around or coming back that night. </p>

<p>I definitely have the ups and downs. There are times when I absolutely love this place and enjoy every moment of it - these are the times when I’m hanging out with my friends, playing my sport, or studying in my room with my roommate. But, there are times when I just sit on my bed and wonder whether or not I should transfer out of here. </p>

<p>I’ve definitely made friends who are into partying and who are not into partying. I go to parties and don’t drink, but sometimes I do feel uncomfortable when most everyone else is drinking. I worry about being caught. My other friends who don’t party usually study or go see a movie - so I try and tag along with them. But sometimes I feel awkward inviting myself along - even though I know I have to.</p>

<p>And I did make use of the counseling center - it has been a big help.</p>

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<p>What time advice the counseling center give? Maybe I should try it too?</p>

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<p>The counseling center basically told me that I wasn’t alone and that they have a lot of people who come in that are homesick and having trouble adjusting to college. Basically, I find it helpful because I can get all of my thoughts out and have someone offer me ways to feel better. I had some anxiety issues, but I was given some techniques to help stop an anxiety attack. She also told me to stop comparing myself to others (I used the phrase, “well…everyone else is having such a great time!”) and to stop thinking negatively (“I hate the nasty dorm showers!”). It’s been really helpful and it’s nice to have someone to just get your feelings out too. They can also refer you to a group session (which I’m thinking of doing) where you’re with a bunch of people who feel the same way as you do and get support through that.</p>

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<p>Oh okay thanks!</p>

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<p>Sailing-I would like to applaud you for getting help and encourage you to go to group if you need the support until you have adjusted successfully. If anything, your feelings of loneliness were acknowledged and you seem to be coping.</p>

15

<p>I am a junior, and this may just be my individual situation, but the feeling has never gone away for me. I had “friends” who I became close to just because we lived on the same hall, then I lived with one (essentially both) of them last year and ruined that friendship. This year I am always alone, sometimes even going to the dining hall seems overwhelming so I just get it to go and eat in my room or outside. But I do spend a lot of time on homework, and a lot of time walking around alone, so I think I am getting to know myself better.</p>

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<p>see my problem is that I don’t know if transferring will help. Is it a me thing? or the college thing? lol I know you guys can’t answer this but it’s just frustrating trying to figure it out.</p>

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<p>^ You have to see it as a YOU thing.</p>

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<p>Yeah I know. I’m generally a positive person and I know all about the law of attraction and that my outlook is my outcome. I remind myself of this everytime I start to get negative and doubtful. But it’s just so annoying to go through this every day. I’m really trying to change my frame of thinking and practice what I preach! It’s just so freakin hard.</p>

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<p>The key is taking responsibility.</p>

<p>Your mindset should be ‘every man starts equal, and ‘if this is going to go down then I have be the one to make it happen’. Anything less is to displace responsibility for your reality onto external sources and derive irrational expectations from the world around you.</p>

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<p>Kay yes, I’m going to try harder! Thanks for the advice. I think it’s honestly my roommate. Although there aren’t any problems or anything and we get along great, I just feel uncomfortable around her sometimes. lol it’s weird because there aren’t any issues and we’re kinda friends. It’s so weird. ha ha. But I’m going to take responsibility and combat negativity.</p>