Hey! If you’re reading this, then I already thank you! I am trying to get some editing help for one of my supplements. I am trying to apply to University of Southern California and took a chance with one of my supplements by writing it in the third person. Idk I thought it would be interesting, but my dad doesn’t think its professional. I really just want to impress admissions and show them something different. If any of you could provide feedback I would love it, and I would be happy to reciprocate if anyone needs theirs edited too! 
Prompt Option #1:
USC believes that one learns best when interacting with people of different backgrounds, experiences and perspectives. Tell us about a time you were exposed to a new idea or when your beliefs were challenged by another point of view.
Supplement:
Past Natalie always wanted to be a surgeon. She strived for it along with her parents. She saw that it was a guaranteed job, it would make her a lot of money, and that she must be ready for it because she had aced her junior year biology class.
Alongside the biology class though, she decided to take one Marketing class. A part of her was mildly interested in business, but she mostly did it because business was a popular class to take, and Past Natalie was not phased because she knew that this would not be her career in the long run. Moreover, towards the end of the year, the class project was to create a business idea and then outline a whole business plan for it. This made her commit time to thinking about a business idea and working on it for a few months. She said, “if I’m going to do a project, I might as well think of an idea that interests me.” This is where she went wrong because suddenly, it became an idea that she became very passionate about and that she saw could be a success in the real world. She began looking at the project even after it had been turned in. At this point, Past Natalie and Natalie were in a brawl.
Doing what society idolizes was something that generated from what Past Natalie loved to do —she never challenged the norm. She always did what the norm asked and did so by wanting to be a doctor. Natalie had challenged this idea by allowing herself to slowly step out of that thought process and to be ambitious and tackle something that involved more risk but also brewed up more passion in her.
Over the summer, I took on a job that would later help me gain more knowledge for when I pursue my business idea in the future. It also had to lead me to have a long rhetorical discussion with my parents and eventually persuade them to let me have business as my major going to college.