<p>My ds is booksmart but immature. He keeps making bad decision after bad decision. I wont let myself off the hook, maybe we have spoiled him. I am considering making him do a gap year to grow up. Any experience with this? What programs are there besides Americorps? Very sad and disappointed Mom here...</p>
<p>I think the 4 and 6 year graduation rates among young men would be much higher if more took a gap year…or two or three or four. My son is now 22 and would be a college Sr. if he had gone straight through and I think that just possibly I could send him away now and he might be mature enough.</p>
<p>One more thing. If you can’t find a “program”, a couple of part time jobs would also work.</p>
<p>Because of my 17-year-old son having bipolar disorder, he is eligible to see see a “vocational rehabilitation” counselor at no cost. She liked the idea of a gap year for him, but STRONGLY advised that he take one or two courses during that time. She said she has seen too many kids get one or two jobs and like the money so much that they never return to college. Of course, these are kids with issues, but I think the principle probably still applies. My son will probably still get one part-time job, but he is going to follow her advice.</p>
<p>Lots of threads on gap years that students have taken for various reasons.
Both my daughters had planned gap years.
They also had practice making decisions since they were small, but still impulsive at times as well.
Fast path to maturity, IMO, is becoming responsible for someone else.(& I would include the mentorship of youth in many Americorps programs to fall in this category)
Both my kids had also volunteered at the zoo & worked with kids at local day & residential camps.
I wouldnt rule out Americorps- its pretty structured to support team members in their community projects.</p>
<p>My oldest did a CityYear & earned an education award that later went toward loans.( as well as a living stipend)
If money isnt any object there are also programs that will help you put together a gap year package.
For example, two of Ds friends arranged through LeapNow, search & rescue training in the Appalachians & herding sheep ( with motorbikes) on a station in Australia followed by dive master certification off The Great Barrier Reef.</p>
<p>My youngest would have loved that,
but she worked two jobs after high school for about five months, to pay for a six month volunteer vacation in India & the UK that she mostly arranged herself with the help of [Projects</a> Abroad USA](<a href=“http://www.projects-abroad.org/]Projects”>http://www.projects-abroad.org/)</p>
<p>I guess it depends on what the bad decisions are. If he is doing drugs and getting into trouble at school, yes I would suggest a gap year. If he is choosing to go to a high school basketball game after studying all day and you want him to study more, I would not have him do a gap year.</p>
<p>ldavis, take heart. You’re definitely not alone. I pushed my D1, who sounds a lot like your son, to go straight into a local 4 year school, and it didn’t go well. She’s 23, and she’s just now seeming to kind of get her act together A LITTLE BIT. I think it set her back to really push her like that. She scored astronomically high on SATs without ever studying - the problem wasn’t her academic capability, it was impulsivity and decision making and maturity.</p>
<p><strong>sigh</strong> - even hindsight is not 20/20 - hard to know what would have been the best decision. But if I had it to do over again, I would have her get into a counselor/therapist’s office on a regular basis, have her get a job and take a few classes at community college and EASE her into adult life. If you and your spouse are ok with your son staying in your home, I would suggest that for a semester or two with some modified ground-rules. In other words, a transition plan to adulthood and someone outside the family (therapist) to help him think about strategies and make decisions.</p>
<p>Good luck, and I mean that from the very bottom of my heart. I feel your pain - but it sounds like you’re a great parent. I’m sure he will turn around right - he’s still just a kid.</p>
<p>Even if the student knows they are going to do a gap year, it is a good idea to apply to colleges anyway. Its easier to get recomendations while you are still in school and many schools will let you defer.
Some schools even encourage it.
[Harvard</a> College Admissions § Applying: Taking Time Off](<a href=“http://www.admissions.college.harvard.edu/apply/time_off/index.html]Harvard”>http://www.admissions.college.harvard.edu/apply/time_off/index.html)</p>
<p>My son is the same way. If he did not have health problems, he would not have been further evaluated. And his younger brother has aspergers. When I was meeting with the various people for the autism in my younger son, I noticed some of the symptoms listed for autism spectrum disorder applied to my oldest. My oldest is very smart, but makes some bad decisions. He is no way has what anyone would think of as autism spectrum disorder. But, I did have him evaluated and he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. His IQ in math and verbal were 130’s and 140’s. And then his IQ in processing and working memory (which affects his ability to make good decisions) were 60’s and 70’s. So, physics and calculus might come easy for him, but making the decision to do what he is supposed to do does not.</p>
<p>You might consider this.</p>
<p>My son is very smart, but just needed another year on the calendar. He took a gap year, and it was a good thing. He planned to take a gap year if the college would allow it, but applied in senior year. He had his year (doing volunteer work while living at home) and then went to the college of his choice.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be too disappointed in your kid, depending on what his “bad decisions” are. Maybe he just needs a little more growing-up time. What year is he in?</p>
<p>A couple of people have mentioned taking classes during the gap year. Make sure you check with any application colleges if that would make them a transfer student with much lower probability of merit aid.</p>
<p>My brother flunked out after his first semester of college. Just wasn’t ready to make the commitment. As I recall, he took off a couple of years to work. By then, he was ready to go to back to school and I think he appreciated the value of a college education. Not exactly the same scenario as your son though.</p>
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<p>Or even admission. We found out that Son’s wonderful SAT scores, good HS GPA and terrific HS ECs meant absolutely nothing after one bad semester in college. From then on he was a transfer, applying with his not-distinguished college record instead of his very nice HS record.</p>
<p>My son is taking a gap year because of maturity issues. He kept his HS job but picked up more hours. About half of the parents we talk to wish that their sons had done the same. It has not been an easy year, but he is way more motivated to perform starting next August.</p>
<p>He is doing Coursera online to get a jump on academics, though not for credit. He has already changed his major from what he had chosen last year.</p>
<p>Erin’s Dad,</p>
<p>Thanks for mentioning that! I didn’t think about that!</p>
<p>However, really evaluate it. Depends also on the kid and how many dual and AP credits they have already. If you can eliminate 2 years of a 4-year college by spending some time in a CC, it might offset the benefit of the merit aid anyway…just depends. Our local CC tuition is much cheaper than the cost of a state school and since the kid lives at home, there’s no room & board cost. Instead of it being $11,000 a semester, it’s more like $3000-$4000 for a full load.</p>
<p>cromette–the flip side to that though is the very reduced merit aid awarded as a transfer. Our kids would be losing out on $10,000+/year of they transferred into their schools vs being freshmen. Our CC costs about $8000/year if you figure in gas, etc. It is more expensive for them to go to a CC then it will be to go to a 4 year college. Our state schools would be twice as expensive to transfer into after going to a CC because there is no merit for transfer students and at $25,000ish/year, that is about $23,000+ MORE than they will pay at the private school they are attending (or probably attending in DS’s case).</p>
<p>Hi… OP here. DS is a Sr., has been accepted into 3 Honors Colleges but am concerned he is not ready. Don’t really feel like going into detail, lets just say it’s typical teenage entertainment. I am thinking he will blow his scholarships and Honors College opportunities. Sounds like I need to find out if defering a year will hurt him in that regard ( Honors College). He has had several older friends come home after a bad first semester. Good thought about being a transfer student… guess that erases the great HS transcript. That is my dilemna, he looks good on paper however…
He hasnt been doing any of the college or scholarship legwork, I have. I know… my fault. But that is what has brought me to this point. It seems like I care more than him so maybe he needs a Gap Yr?</p>
<p>SteveMA - of course. Yes, I understand. That’s why I said, you really have to evaluate it for your individual circumstances.</p>
<p>It might work out for some, and not so much for others. If my kids hadn’t already had so much college credit, it would have been something for us to consider. Not all kids get $10,000/yr. merit aid! Your kids have been very blessed! :)</p>
<p>cromette–yes and no, we purposely searched for colleges where they would get merit aid to reduce the COA since our state schools are so expensive. It’s not hard to do actually. Even with AP credits, our state schools would cost a LOT more. It would be nice to have an option of something in-state but there just isn’t anything. Our D applied to one in-state private and the rest of the schools they applied to were all out of state because they were just flat out less expensive, even with travel costs.</p>
<p>ldavis - yea - I would, in your circumstances (Honors Colleges - potential high merit) contact the schools about defering a year. AND, get him some “life-coaching”/therapy, etc. - I cannot stress that enough!!! And you go with him too if you can. It would be good for your son to hear a therapist/life-coach person say to YOU, “Mom, you can’t keep bumping him along, it’s HIS TURN to get off his butt and make his life happen for himself.” He probably doesn’t realize what all you’re doing for him. Man, I sympathize with you SOOOOO much. GOOD LUCK, OP. Let us know how you come along!</p>
<p>SteveMA - wow. I guess I’m spoiled! Maybe I don’t realize how blessed WE are! :)</p>