<p>We may be in the same situation next year. My S is a junior and we have already talked about the possibility of a gap year with him. He’s not opposed to the idea at this point. It helps that one of his teachers has also opined on the merits of doing a gap year. That’s actually how the subject first came up. S is very bright, great test scores, and good but not great grades. He has ADHD and typically manages his attention well enough. His executive function skills leave much to be desired however.</p>
<p>He has matured some in the past year and will surely mature more. So maybe by this time next year we won’t be considering it. But it is something we are keeping in mind. I can see benefits to it even if a kid is “ready” for college.</p>
<p>cromette–our flagship is just about $28,000/year. They got better deals at out-of-state state schools. It’s really sad. Our flagship is REALLY good about giving kids from OOS big merit awards though :rolleyes:</p>
<p>1or2Musicians–amazing how much better these ideas sound coming from someone other than mom or dad :D. It’s nice that the teacher talked about that as an option. Honestly, I didn’t know it was possible to apply to a school now and then take a gap year with that school deferring your start date until the following year until I read about it here.</p>
<p>Our main flagship is about that as well, actually. My kids are having to get supplemental scholarships from the state, and from local organizations. D1 had TONS of scholarships because of NMSSF, D2 got ripped off. GREAT student, top 6% of her class, 3.85 gpa, HARD worker, didn’t test terribly well, didn’t get as much aid as she should have. We’re hopeful about D3…because her school is more expensive than the other two (Texas A&M), but still not too bad.</p>
<p>Your son is sounding even more like my son. My son did none of the leg work for college. He is not doing drugs or anything, but he will spend hours on end playing video games. He lies to us and spends all his time on Reddit and such. He will swear to us he was not on Reddit, but, he, for some odd reason, has not changed his user name yet and I can see he is still there, and posting! And he KNOWS I know his user name! </p>
<p>The public school did a rotten job teaching math. My son has senior out, meaning, he is on only a 3/4 schedule at school. I purchased a pre-cal and a calculus program to re-teach him. He is less than half way through. He is planning to be a computer science major. He NEEDS to finish calculus before he goes. (the calculus I purchased was a basic cal, not a complete AP class). </p>
<p>He will often try to gage stuff like homework is only 10% of his grade so he does not have to do his homework because he can still pass. He tries to just make sure he has a 70, with no care or concern to do anything more than that, at all, ever. He is constantly trying to gage how little he can get away with doing. Someone cannot succeed in college doing this.</p>
<p>What’s supposed to happen in a gap year? What if he kid is still too immature? There is no gaurantee that only a year is needed.</p>
<p>You can send a kid to school but you have over options - military. A kid has to do something other than live at home, play video games and make spare change working a cash register to really mature. A year of nothing may motivate a few to grow up but that’s all. Just a few.</p>
<p>Madaboutx - I don’t think anyone’s advocating “a year of nothing”! There are plenty of things to do besides video games, for heavens’ sake. How about a J-O-B? Volunteer work, work around the house? Lord knows I could keep a kid VERY BUSY around my house for a year.</p>
<p>And you’re right, a year may not be enough, but it might be. I wouldn’t advocate military right off the bat for a kid that’s having a rough time and making poor or impulsive decisions. </p>
<p>He could take a year off from school, work his butt off, get some counseling, and in a year, he just might be good to go.</p>
<p>ldavis…what is your son saying about the possibility of him doing a gap year?</p>
<p>I wouldn’t want my son home for a gap year unless he had a full time job…otherwise he’d spend all his free time sleeping in and staying up late (easiest way to avoid chores is if you go to sleep at 3 am and wake up the next afternoon!)</p>
<p>If your son is insisting on college next year, then I’d make him prove that he’s capable…</p>
<p>doing his own laundry
getting up and going to bed on time
doing chores without being reminded/nagged
knowing where his stuff is
honoring house rules.</p>
<p>Yes, SteveMA, amazing how much smarter non-parents are sometimes. :)</p>
<p>I would be concerned about the “doing nothing” thing too, and if we do a gap year I would want to have some very definite plans that would occupy my son’s time. And I’d look at away-from home options although I would not be inclined to pay for him to travel extensively or anything like that. I’d consider something like CityYear if he was interested. Or I’d encourage him to get a full-time job and also do things like volunteer in areas related to his interests/potential majors.</p>
<p>Momof2… he does none of those things. I dont want to spend a dime on college if he will be home in a semester. THAT is why I am thinking of a Gap Year. It may not be what he wants but he wont be home laying around, he will be in a program, Americorps or the like.
I want him to be doing something for someone other than himself.
I guess I am hoping to hear of some experiences with other gap years.</p>
<p>Idavis, no offense but there really is a point where you have to let him be. Sounds to me like rather than you thinking you spoiled your kid, you are actually smothering him instead. It’s hard to make a conclusion without knowing what he has been doing, but if you’re talking about smoking weed, drinking, partying, cheating or anything of that sort, there are a ton of kids who do that and continue to do that in college who end up having great futures. If you make him stay home this one year when he does not want to, he will only get worse.</p>
<p>Look at it this way, your kid is smart and has been able to get by high school and get into a presumably good college. I’m in much the same situation. I did stupid stuff up to this point. However I plan to turn that around in college by actually taking it seriously. Believe it or not, kids that are naturally smart (like yours) do realize that how they do in college could mean their future. Every kid parties and such, but if he can get by, why not let him have a little fun?</p>
<p>Tylernark, good for you for realizing the importance of college. Good luck! But every kid is different, and most parents are actually smarter than you think. And most of us know our kids fairly well. Chances are, if she says he’s not ready, and sending him now would be setting him up for failure and wasting HER money…well, she’s probably right.</p>
<p>ldavis, I think we are the parent of the same kid… Kid won’t work, does the least amount possible to get an 80, but he was blessed with a high IQ so he breezes through his AP math and science classes with very little effort to get said 80. He wound up with a 2.9 GPA which might as well be a D when applying to college and with merit. He just automatically assumes he will get into the school he wants and we will pay the bill. No matter we always told him he needed merit and would have to work. I don’t see this kid being successful in college, yet he’s not willing to take a GAP year, work with Americorp’s, work at all or look for outside funding sources for college. I’m really at the biggest loss of my life. I have great concern he won’t even get into the colleges he applied to.</p>
<p>Im sorry Maui… we are in the same boat. My kid does what he has to to get that 90% then puts his feet up. He thinks he’s done his bit because he has all 3s and 4s on APs and did get some merit money and into the Honors Colleges. I think I must sound super critical but… he has an attitude. He is a bit of a know it all, disrespectful. He doesnt respect my rules and its starting to affect DD. I thought I was raising a compassionate and kind teenage boy but he is not at all that person right now. He totally blew off a full ride essay competition to a Jesuit school because he didnt want to go there… yet I am supposed to pay for him to go to his first choice?? Sorry but I paid for my own education and I expect him to do everything he can to help out.
I want him to know I love him but not his current behavior. Let’s stay in touch.</p>
<p>ldavis, we are in exactly the same boat… I had no idea there were other parents in exactly our situation with our S… we will definitely keep in touch.</p>
<p>Thought I would share a story. Neighbors had S who did not do well his first year of college, so they wanted him to take a gap year. That was probably 6 years ago. He tried working, going to the community college, working some more, and going to a for-profit culinary school. Sad to hear that he is now a cafeteria worker. He would still be living at home, but his parents retired and moved all the way across the country. They firmly told him he could no longer live with them. I know this is not the case for most gap kids. In this case, he’s either taking a very long time to mature or he’s just not cut out for college.</p>
<p>Some of us look at sending such a kid to college as “the Hail Mary Pass”. We then just go home and hope it was enough. Sometimes the kids do grow up during that time. For a lot of kids a few years of working and trying to get some sense of responsibility would be a better use of those years. Then at age 24, independent, such kids might be ready for college, get some governemnt aid to do it along with some loans from the parents and appreciate school. My son went to a state school where there were a significant number of kids who crashed freshman or sophomore years, took several years off and were back at college to finish up well in their 20s.</p>
<p>I hear that you think he has a bad attitude, and he may have some serious behavior problems. However, I have to side with your kid on this one. You said you have done all the legwork on the college & scholarship side. This is probably his way of putting his two cents in – “not this one”. Obviously not what you are hoping for. But you sort of set yourself up by doing the legwork, and picking a school he does not actually want to attend.</p>
<p>Reading over your posts, I can’t actually get a handle on the specifics of why you think he will not be successful. I know you said you don’t want to go into specifics, but don’t actually see evidence that he will not be successful. Things I could see causing big issues: drugs/alcohol abuse, or something like a gaming addiction. I am not sure “bad attitude” and being a “disrespectful know it all” is going to make him flunk out, though. Getting into a more competitive environment might actually prod him forward.</p>
<p>My take on the “gap year” is that you will do all the legwork again… if you let him plan a gap year, it will likely not be a productive one. Some of the gap year programs are pretty competitive, and if he does not shine in the application process, he won’t get in anyway. And I am not sure what either of you gains from that. Sometimes the best thing for a kid like this is to get out from under their parents’ roof. He sounds smart enough, just not motivated.</p>
<p>My take is that this is a kid who might benefit more from the “tough love/8 semesters only” approach. Tell him that he gets 8 semester of college support from you, and that is IT. Maybe put him on the hook for paying for books and spending money, and of course keeping his GPA up to the point where he keeps any scholarships. Tell him he can live at home and go to CC for a while if he fails at his four year college. Then stick to it. A lot simpler than a gap year. I just don’t hear things that make me think he CAN’T succeed (which I know can be very real in some cases). I hear a frustrated parent whose kid is rebelling where he can, and it annoys you.</p>
<p>No, you were supposed to tell him AHEAD OF TIME how much you were willing to pay. He’s bright. Let him do the math.</p>
<p>I understand your concerns, but it seems a little late now to be telling him you’re no longer willing to pay for college at all for next year. These were parameters that should have been set at the beginning of his senior year (if not earlier): you don’t do A, B, C and X, Y, Z . . . then we don’t pay for college next year. That would at least give him some control over the outcome. He’s 18, not a small child.</p>