Impact of NOT Interviewing

Parents Forum
1

<p>My D2 is quite shy and absolutely HORRIBLE at small talk (if you watch NCIS, someone recently said that Leroy Gibbs has declared war on small talk... my D has, too!). She is borderline Asperger's (definitely on the spectrum), and is just really, really uncomfortable with interviewing. Pretty much no amount of prep, practice, etc. is going to make a dent in it, unfortunately. One college we visited in junior year "sprang" an interview on her (scheduled it and a meeting with a professor) even though she had only requested a tour, info session, and to sit in on a class. That cold turkey interview was excruciating... she had done NO prep, we had figured if she did interview at all we would wait until senior year. I felt sorry for the interviewer when they invited me back at the end, clearly D had been pretty uncommunicative.</p>

<p>She did interview with one rep that came to her high school. The rep was there at the end of the day, and we thought D would do better with an interview "on her own turf" rather than at the college. So she practiced with her guidance counselor ahead of time, and also with a teacher who works part time in the college counseling office. They have gone over possible interview questions in a seminar class the senior take, and she made sure to have a few questions about the college. We practiced together a little bit, too. D emailed the rep a resume the day before as well, hoping that might prompt conversation and questions from the rep's side.</p>

<p>I think the interview was a disaster. She said the rep rattled through a list of questions from a sheet of paper in about 10 minutes. I am guessing D gave monosyllabic answers, which is why it was so short. :( Only saving grace is that this is for a college where the students are not known for their social skills, and her stats are good. So hopefully it will not actually hurt her. We did actually run into the rep in admissions a few weeks later when we visited the campus. D greeted her with, "Oh, hi..." when the rep spoke to her, and that was it. I didn't realize until later that this was her interviewer (and I did coach her later that some kind of comment about it being nice to see her again and being excited to see that campus would have been appropriate...). We do a lot of coaching on these things... sigh.</p>

<p>Just to head off these comments, obviously D will have to learn to successfully interview at some point in her life. Grad school, lab positions, eventually "real jobs" all require it. I practically interview for a living (independent consultant, changing clients between every 6 month & 2 years, I bet I have had a couple hundred interviews in my life). I get the importance, and the need to learn the skills, etc. But it is just not going to come together this year for her, and I honestly think it will hurt her more than help her in the admissions process to do more interviews. I have found a book that might help a little, and plan to have her read it once the college apps are done in case she gets invited to any competitive scholarship interviews, as a few of her colleges offer those.</p>

<p>She is planning on a physics major, and possible an English or Art minor or double major (at least taking a lot of classes in the second area). Her stats are decent (probable national merit finalist, 2380 superscored SAT, SAT IIs - 800 Lit, 800 Math II). GPA only 3.7 UW, mostly dragged down by foreign language grades, has taken the hardest curriculum offered. Some decent ECs, but no leadership (top player on an academic team, but no captains, etc.). Her teacher recs will be very good, and she does well at class participation (not so shy in her school environment, she is comfortable there).</p>

<p>So... what happened for admissions when your kid didn't inteview? She has visited every campus except one on her list (so shown interest), signed up for mailings on the websites, went to info sessions if they came to her school (and asked questions there). Here is her list of schools.</p>

<p>Carleton (local)
U of Chicago (EA App is in)
Cornell
Kenyon
Lawrence (pretty close to home)
Macalester (local)
Harvey Mudd
Mount Holyoke
Reed
Swarthmore</p>

<p>Any thoughts on the impact of not interviewing on her admissions chances?</p>

<p>*Sorry, meant to post this in the Parents Forum, not the Cafe...</p>

2

<p>No suggestions, but this sounds almost like my D. She did not interview anywhere, and I did not pressure her, because I knew it would be very hard for her. The schools to which she applied all stated that the interview might help but would not interviewing would not count against her. (But that just means that interviewing does hurt, right?)</p>

<p>I’d like to know the book you mentioned . . .</p>

3

<p>I am very much that way as well. I would say that no interview is better than a disastrous interview.</p>

4

<p>My DD now college senior has interview anxiety. She finally went to the doctor and got a very low dose med…I think xanax that she takes only before interviews. It has made a huge difference.</p>

5

<p>The book is: </p>

<p>Socially Curious and Curiously Social: A Social Thinking Guidebook for Bright Teens & Young Adults, by By Michelle Garcia Winner and Pamela Crooke</p>

<p>I saw a recommendation recently, and got it from the library. When I read it, I could definitely see some of my D’s issues in it. It isn’t really about interviewing, it is more about how to relate to people more effectively. It includes tips on making small talk, too. :slight_smile: It seems like a very practical guide, and like it would help with the part of interviewing that makes her most uncomfortable. So I actually bought a copy, and have asked if she will read it once her college apps are done (no time now). She says she will.</p>

<p>ebeeeee, hmm, will think about the Xanax… if she is still having trouble in a couple of years, that might be something to try.</p>

<p>Marbling, is your daughter applying now? Or is she done with it?</p>

6

<p>Not all schools require interviews. Some school are BIG on fit, and i think require interviews as part of amassing their ‘class’…other colleges and unis don’t really care about that and are looking primarily for academic fit. I wouldn’t worry too much about it OP, but you are correct…an inability to put yourself forward will hurt in the job hunt…that said I knew one painfully introverted and shy young man who found ‘life’ with non-profit organizations after unsuccessfully finding a position in “industry.” He’s made a career of it and has, over time, learned to be more comfortable socially. My advice as a formerly shy person is practice, practice, practice. So the other way to look at it is that these college “interviews” are simply practice for the real world after college.</p>

7

<p>Yes, I am also “formerly shy”. So I know what you mean. But the problem with looking at the college interviews as “practice for the real world after college” is that they could hurt her admissions chances. So there is a real, negative consequence to them… they are not “practice” in that sense.</p>

8

<p>My D applied to 10 highly selective schools & only interviewed at one (Tufts). For many schools, an interview is not necessary.</p>

9

<br>

<br>

<p>She just sent the last of her EA apps last week: JMU, George Mason, Elon, and Univ. of Denver. She’s planning to apply to 1-2 LACs regular admission, and I don’t think any of the ones she’s considering have a required interview.</p>

10

<p>University of Denver used to require an interview (S1/fall 2006 applied) but perhaps they have eased up on that requirement. They did interviews in major cities and we had a choice of driving to Detroit or Chicago or doing the interview via webcam. Again, I think there is a difference if it is required (in terms of importance) than when it is optional. The admissions websites are pretty good and stating the differences. S2 and S3 each had one college where the interview was required.</p>

11

<p>DU has what they call Hyde Interviews, and while encouraged, an interview is not required.</p>

12

<p>That’s good for your D…back then they were really not optional because I do recall looking for that wording (not required, optional, if you have more questions) before planning what amounts to an entire day of driving.</p>

13

<p>Has she looked at Grinnell? Another great school where the socially awkward feel right at home. She might get some merit aid there. Because of merit award and lower tuition, Grinnell cost about $80,000 less over 4 years for my son, academics are stellar and facilities are amazing!</p>

<p>My son interviewed wherever he could. I did help him prepare, but I think years of drama helped him more. He said he knew how to “act” like he was comfortable. Anyway, sounds like it’s ok to avoid interviews at most schools. Carleton wouldn’t do one on campus junior year. He did an alum interview locally. But, again, why put herself through this if not required?</p>

14

<p>My father had a nervous breakdown during a Georgia Tech interview… The story ends with him screaming at the interviewer to stop asking him questions, and then running away. He went somewhere else and studied the same thing and he’s doing fine. I wouldn’t worry…=P</p>

15

<p>Re: leadership, my son’s Scholars Bowl coach named him team captain jr and senior years. I’d think that would be considered leadership. He also directed 2 plays. Holding office is not the only kind of leadership. Grinnell’s science programs are amazing! The app is just the CA plus one extra question.</p>

16

<p>OP, can you arrange interviews at schools in which she isn’t interested? Just for practice? Ds2 is a natural, but I worried aboutvds1 so we front-loaded interviews with schools that weren’t that important to him.</p>

<p>I’d check to make sure the nearby schools don’t ding her for not interviewing. Some schools do.</p>

17

<p>One thing that helped my son was bringing in a little reporter’s notebook where he wrote down the questions he’d come up with, in case he blanked. It also allowed him to keep his hands busy taking notes, if he was feeling nervous.</p>

18

<p>^^Not only questions, but perhaps a cheat sheet of sorts if they are nervous talking to older adults…things they enjoy, classes they found interesting, sports they play…it’s all fair game. Most of the kids have to some sort of cheat/brag sheet for the teachers writing the recommendation. Most of these interviewers do have a cheat sheet of questions, but often they just want to get to know the kids and once a dialogue starts often don’t even use or need the sheet. S2 told me the first question he got asked (and he interviewed with the dean) was “what do you want to do”…and of course S2 turned red up to his hair (or so he told me) and the dean laughed and told him that was OK not to know so what did S2 find interesting…a much better question for a young person and one S2 could answer. So it’s good for the kids not to feel ‘trapped’ by a question and it’s OK “not to know.”</p>

19

<p>bethievt, we did visit Grinnell. She did not have a good visit from several perspectives… we so wanted to like Grinnell, too. But didn’t. We did a ton of visiting, and are comfortable with her school list. As far as we can tell, none require interviews, although several recommend them… She has carefully done all other recommended steps (eg, optional essays, etc.). And we have been carefully scrutinizing her activities for leadership, but really… there is none. She is the top scoring player from the school in her academic activity, but that is pretty much it - - someone else was named team captain this year, although she did go through the application process the coach set up – he didn’t interview 'em, though :slight_smile: She has quite a few ECs, just no leadership stuff. A common problem for introverts, I suspect.</p>

<p>Youdon’tsay, I suppose we could interview at other schools for practice, but that feels quite dishonest, at least to do it more than once. And I don’t think she could drum up enough fake interest to do a passable job, either. She is so bad at it… she could do that half a dozen times, and still be awful at it. The decision is pretty much made that this point that she is not going to interview any more. Just trying to foresee the consequences.</p>

<p>Elikresses, that is a great story! In retrospect, of course. Not fun at the moment for anyone. I am pretty sure my D would just be a clam, not a screamer.</p>

20

<p>Haven’t read all the posts… so not sure if this has been suggested, maybe recording her while being interviewed by a neighbor? Or even someone from the family? This may sound weird, but maybe seeing herself on camera will help her improve on her posture, confidence, etc. I may try this for my own dd.</p>