@carolinamom2boys you did not but another poster did.
“I wonder how an unplanned pregnancy is different from a moderately unplanned pregnancy or a VERY unplanned pregnancy”
My guess is the unplanned pregnancy is the one that the outside world sees and the VERY unplanned pregnancy is the one the baby’s grandmother sees. 
@emilybee What bothered you about the amber necklace?
I thought amber necklaces could be a choking hazard.
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I wonder how an unplanned pregnancy is different from a moderately unplanned pregnancy or a VERY unplanned pregnancy
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I don’t know how the OP would define the differences, but I would define them as:
Moderately unplanned: married or very committed couple who have a surprise pregnancy
VERY unplanned: casual or new relationship couple who have a surprise pregnancy.
I can see where there would be a difference in feeling or attitude between the two groups.
I didn’t call the OP’s son’s relationship dicey, but if the pregnancy was the result of a new relationship, then it could be an unstable situation…or not.
“What bothered you about the amber necklace?”
Yes, they are a choking hazard and not recommended by pediatricians. I had just lived through it with nieces baby and my extremely nervous mother (baby’s great Grammy) and the debate on whether she could say anything. Both my sister & the mil tried but it fell on deaf ears (my sister even contemplated losing it) and my mom was apolectic and couldn’t sleep because she felt if anything happened to baby she could never forgive herself. So she called my niece - who said she would take it off. But I think she only said that to be nice. BTW, great grammy’s have a lot more freedom to say things.
If the amber necklace was “lost” it would likely just be replaced.
I get your point about a chocking hazard and I personally wouldn’t put one on my own kids nor do I buy into the benefits, but I’m not sure if I would speak up either. I have some extended family who is big into them but they practice attachment parenting and those babies are never out of their sight - they wear them, breastfeed them, family bed, etc. I just don’t think commenting will change their parenting style one iota as it is very intentional parenting on their part. Again, not my thing or parenting but I think there are bigger issues and, overall, they are loving, involved parents.
Agree that great grandmothers have more flexibility. There usually isn’t the mother/daughter or mother/DIL tension.
I didn’t really care that I said something to the cousins partner. I don’t need to worry about being cut out as I am no one to this girl.
I think my sister knew losing it wasn’t really going to make a difference but it made her very nervous. You can’t keep you eye on crawling baby every second of the day and the necklace can break in baby’s mouth. When she watched him she did take it off and my niece swore she didn’t let him sleep with it on. Both parents are bright and well educated but lack some common sense. Thankfully, he is well out of the teething stage.
I had to google “amber baby necklaces”…wow. If anything, why don’t they make them with large holes in case of swallowing? I don’t blame you @emilybee
No grandchildren yet but this thread has been fascinating and eye opening. Before reading about the objections of the young mother regarding sending out pictures it never would have crossed my mind that I would need to ask permission. I would be so excited to share with my friends and family pictures of my grandchildren. I guess I will need to rethink this.
Almost all of my peer group that I am friends with on Facebook share photos of their grandchildren. I wonder if they have asked for permission.
I highly doubt many ask permission to share grandchild pics with friends, and I doubt many ask permission to include some grandchildren pics in Christmas cards.
We’ve always lived away from H’s family. H’s dad would regularly send us a pile of pics from whatever recent family gathering. Included in the pics were various nieces and nephews, hospital pics of new babies, etc. I highly doubt he asked the parents if that was ok. Who would?
If the parents are unmarried (not sure about this because I think the OP has two sons), then I could understand why the mother might like to be the one who is “announcing” the family. That’s a somewhat different situation from what I originally envisioned.
I have to agree with others who are concerned about the OP’s statement about “letting the mother ‘win’.” The mother and the father are in charge. That’s not “winning;” that’s just a fact. A mother-in-law might offer advice, but with a child who is less than a year old, I would think that the principal form of useful advice would involve methods of soothing the baby, or helping the baby fall asleep, and not much else . . . perhaps advising against letting the baby fall asleep with a bottle of milk, if the family is bottle-feeding . . . or offering to help purchase a new crib, if the parents had an outdated crib that was unsafe in some way . . . but aside from true health and safety issues, of course one should stay out of it.
When I said that I would feel “entitled,” I didn’t mean entitled to be bossy! I also think that having the father’s mother present at the birth could be really uncomfortable for the baby’s mother, and do not support that.
Due to time and space constraints, our family no longer feels that visiting relatives have to be hosted in the home–so I’d have no problem with staying at a motel, and having short visits (30 mins or so, for 2 or 3 days in a row) with a very young grandchild, at a time of the parents’ convenience. But I would be really uncomfortable with a “Grandparents Keep Out” sign on the door! 
I do feel entitled to see a grandchild from time to time–if I eventually have one.
Fwiw, parents who don’t want pictures shared on social media usually make it explicit to family & friends.
I know many- most are not people you’d expect but, again, I think many in my generation just don’t want their kids exposed like that so early.
It’s a bizarre thing to explain. I think you have to grow up in the social media era in order to understand what it’s like to have potentially every moment of your life ever end up on internet never to be taken back.
i don’t really do Xmas cards any more, but at this point with my kids launched in their own apartments (proof there is a god), I’m not so sure that I’d sign “love from PG H, PG, PGson, PGdaughter” to a mass holiday card. They are adults; if they want to send cards, that’s on them. They are part of our family always, but they are also on their own now, forming their own little worlds, and that I think is where the mother is coming through with the card photo issue.
I love getting Christmas cards from my sister’s mother-in-law because she sends out these wonderful collages of photos of my sister, my sister’s husband (the MIL’s only child) and their adorable children. I just love getting all the cute pictures of my nieces and nephew.
When I told my sister how much I enjoyed them, she said, irritably, “It drives me crazy that she sends out all those pictures of us.” I got my sister to admit that the ONLY reason it drives her crazy is (1) everything her MIL does drives her crazy; (2) this is something her mother-in-law does; and therefore, ergo, (3) it is something that drives her crazy (no matter how nice a thing it is to do). We had a good laugh over that and I hope my sister doesn’t let her irritation show directly to her MIL (who is a very nice woman, even if admittedly a bit overly doting on her grandchildren).
We don’t send Christmas cards, but we do send an email in January with a family picture and an update on what everyone is doing. We do,this in January because we aren’t all together for a picture until after Christmas.
My parents and in laws never sent pics of our kids in their holiday greetings. I’m not sure why this would be different now…pics of the kids get sent by the parents.
Prospective grandparents: Post 60, by @powercropper pretty much describes my mom. Until she moved out of state, she got to see her seven grandkids any old time she liked. My SILs adore her. Additionally, she has made all of our lives much easier by never insisting on concrete holiday plans. She is happy to celebrate Christmas in February. Love my mom!
I don’t think the grandma was intending on signing her Xmas cards with everyone’s name on it (or did I miss something?)
If we had grandkids, and I was doing a photo collage that included some pics of them, I would still sign the card with only H’s and my names, even if the collage had some pics of some grandbabies (which might have some captions with their names and ages on them)
I’d probably also want to include a photo of the new memberrs of the family if I were doing a hypothetical collage. But if the s and the mom aren’t married, as it seems, the mom may not feel like a member of the family, tho the grandchild is. Could understand if that makes the babymom feel uncomfortable, but still doesnt justify her being too controlling over what can/cannot be included in the holiday letter.,
I agree with most here who feel a comfortable family doesn’t get out of joint over a couple of pix. And I don’t think OP is talking about FB, just a mailed card. But there seems to be more backstory, resentments and a tug of war. (At ten weeks!) You can only make steps to end that by truly notching down expectations, fairly looking at the other side. This apparently isn’t one of our all-around comfortable families. I have trouble seeing the baby mom as the one who’s being controlling. She did relent and say one pic. What’s so difficult about OP choosing one pic? There’s more here.
This post brought back some memories of how much my mother-in-law went out of her way to tell me that I was not good enough for her son through constant “suggestions”, digs and hurtful comments.
This happened from the day we met, to the day she died. Before our wedding day, ‘Momma Mayberry’ told me that I “wadn’t” good enough for her son and that I was just after his money.
How does anyone respond to that? I had been raised to be respectful of my elders, and here I was, this scared young college student, so I just took the abuse because I loved her son.
I never let her see me upset by her comments, and I often responded by saying, “You’re right.”
(“You’re getting too fat for my son; he’s gonna leave you for a skinny wife!” “Why aren’t your kids wearing the things that I bought them? I bet you’re not used to having anything that isn’t secondhand”, etc.)
She would try to say things out of earshot of my husband because my husband always defended me. Grandpa would have to “talk” to her and tried to put off the comments as “Momma doesn’t mean that!”
All of her efforts backfired. My children caught on really fast and the eldest, one time, asked me, “Why is Grandma always so mean to you? And why do you put up with it?”
I told the kids that I loved Daddy, and that G’Ma had raised Daddy; since Daddy was a good person, she had to be a good Momma too. When they kept asking, I told them that Grandma was “very sick” and that sometimes GM didn’t know that she was being mean. (Grandma had had polio as a child and walked with a limp and was eventually homebound with private nurses).
**OP: by the time the kids were in their early teens, they refused to go to grandma’s house. IS this the relationship you want with your grandchild? Kids defend their mommas.**MIL accused me of brainwashing the kids against her. DH told his mother that the more she insulted me, the less any of us would want to visit her.
If you continue this ME “contest”, it’s gonna backfire on you. Your grandchild will lack any respect he/she may have had for you because the memories, of your behavior, will not be nice ones.