Hi! I am an incoming college freshmen and recently received my roommate assignment. I am living in a triple with a girl from Zimbabwe and another girl from China. (I am from Michigan, the school is in the Midwest.) The girl from Zimbabwe and I were originally assigned a girl from Ohio who has since transferred to a double. The triple is 269 square feet, a corner dorm with 2 windows and in the best freshmen dorm on campus. Another part of this is that I am a lesbian. Okay with all that background information here is my current plan and questions-
I am not going to request a room switch before the school starts. I am going to move into the triple and see how I like it, and try to keep an open mind. On the second week of classes, students may put in a room switch request. At this time I am planning to request a single. It usually takes a while for this request to happen (if it even does) and even then students can choose to deny the offer with no consequences. If I am eventually offered a single I will move if I do not like my triple, or stay if I like it. I am going to try to become friends with my roommates, and help them to adjust to life here in America because I understand that it will be difficult. Also as previously mentioned the dorm is the best freshmen dorm on campus- AC, fancy lounges, a dining room/kitchen and a great location. I am very glad I was assigned this building.
I am not going to tell them that I am lesbian. I think there’s too many intricate parts of the situation to begin with and I don’t want to further complicate things and risk making someone uncomfortable or openly hostile towards me.
Questions:
I’ve heard that international roommates tend to group together. Will I feel like the odd one out in the dorm?
Do you think the room (269 square feet, a corner dorm with 2 windows) will be comfortable with 3 people?
Does my current plan considering moving sound okay, or is it dumb to move in when I am thinking about moving out?
Is it a mistake to not come out to my roommates?
How can I make my roommates feel comfortable as international students?
Thank you for any advice! I understand that this is not a common situation, but if you have any similar experiences please share!
I’m not really sure what the problem is. Is it the triple? The international roommates? That you are a lesbian? If you were in this same triple with a girl from Maryland and a girl from Texas, would you still be here asking these questions? Would you still be considering requesting a single? What about if you were in a double with the girl from Zimbabwe? If you were in a double with a girl from Minnesota?
Hi! I am concerned about living in a triple, and I would be no matter where my roommates are from. I am curious about how to make my roommates comfortable as international students; like how to help them adjust to life here in the states.
I don’t think coming out to your roommates will be an issue. I think the biggest issue will be adjusting to each others’ cultural differences. Things like cleaning up, storage, hygiene, guests will be bigger discussions than sexuality.
As far as standard dorms are concerned, 269 sq ft is about average for a large shared room. Personally, I wouldn’t want a triple, no matter with whom it was shared. With this concern, I think it’s fine to wonder about/apply for a single and wouldn’t consider it a racial/cultural slight.
RE: Inclusion…just be a normal person and invite them to the dining hall, etc when you go, especially if you see them alone a lot. Also remember that everyone makes their own group of friends at school, and some people are just loners by nature, so beyond basic inclusionary stuff, let folks do their own thing when it comes to creating a social circle.
Did the roommates indicate to you that they would need your help “adjusting to life here in the states”? They may be more prepared for this new experience than you think. You said you’re planning to enter this situation with an open mind- I hope that is the case. It sounds like you may have already some preconceptions as well as a well laid out plan to jump ship as soon as you can. As far as being lesbian, I tend to think honesty about oneself is always best, not that you have to reveal your entire life story the day you meet your new roommates. Really, I just think you may have some unconscious biases that may get in the way of a real opportunity- the chance to form friendships with someone different from you in some obvious external ways, but not so very different in many other ways.
Without dimensions or knowing the number of rooms (suite?), 269 SF is roughly about 90 SF per roommate. That’s a tight squeeze IMO, with beds and desks and a pathway for door access. But obviously doable.
Coming out to your roommates is a very personal decision.
Would the single also be located in the best dorm on campus? I’d be very hesitant to leave it.
Is this triple designed as a triple, or as a double being used as a triple? That would be a factor for me. If you’re not going to ask for a move until after you move it, I would discuss with your roommates. If this room is intended to be a double, then it would be appropriate for one of the 3 of you to move out when another assignment become available - but that is much more likely to be in a double, rather than a single. If you get to know your roommates, and discuss the options with them, you might find that you want to stay after all - particularly if one of them is also considering a move.
As for coming out to your roommates, that really doesn’t have anything to do with your specific housing assignments - unless you are living openly in the first place, I would wait to get to know ANY roommate before disclosing something personal like that. Coming from other cultures, they might become very uncomfortable with you as a roommate, or they might be extremely open (but this could also be true of a domestic roommate too). Play it by ear. If that single doesn’t become available, consider your options.
The idea of college is to grow. Meeting people from other cultures is exciting. My daughter in her first year indicated she wanted an international student in her double. She had a great experience with her Chinese roommate. She was here for one year. There “was” a program at her college with anyone rooming with international students that they could come early to move in… Meet and there were specific programs the first few days prior to the start date. A lot of this was to acclimate the internationals to the campus.
As far as telling them your a lesbian. What do you do or plan to do with others that you meet in college? What did you do in high school or now ? Don’t treat who you are any differently. When you all are getting to know each other dating might come up… I would just be honest when it comes up.
If you are unhappy after the first few weeks or know right away you will be then request the change.
I would expect at least one or more residents of a triple that is supposed to be a double to put in for a room change. Many times triples like that are intended to be temporary. It is possible that your roommate (s) may get moved instead of you.
My D got assigned a triple also. And I have some concerns because both are from same town, which screams to me, they are already friends and my D may be a third wheel. She is not sure they already know each other though. My D is an athlete so she will probably end up being friends with team mates, but I hate to see a stressful room mate situation. D is open to her assignment. If her room mates are not already friends, I see this as a good thing, Two more people to become friends with. Back to OP. See how it goes. Many international students attend private schools and are not much different than you. With regards to your sexual status, I really do not see how it matters, period.
It’s up to you if you want to come out to them or not but there’s also a chance that they will find out eventually (in such small living spaces people are always in eachother’s faces and business). As far as making them feel welcome, take them out for coffee and ask them how they are. I find that people are more receptive if you ask about them rather than starting the convo about yourself.
If the school has forced triples, I think it is very likely a lot of students are putting in for singles or doubles, no matter what dorm building they are in. If I were you, I’d get on the list ASAP to move to a single (if you can afford it).
My son is going in as an international and requested that he be housed with an American - so as a mother of an international I would welcome seeing an American in the room and would ‘despair’ if they moved out before ‘move-in day’. I like your thinking in helping them settle in - though as others have said they may have had a few days on campus already - but you will be the person that has ‘insider’ knowledge of the best shops for this and that and will certainly enrich their first few months. Yes, I’ve heard that internationals often stick together - though my son says, ‘why would I do that - I’ve got all the internationals I want at home’. So don’t assume.
Re coming out: It is totally up to you - but really why should it matter. Will they be saying to you - I’m straight? And there’s a very good chance they will know after a few days living with you in such close quarters and I really don’t think they will care/be bothered/be interested even. You are their roommate and you will enrich their lives in all manner of ways as they will yours.
I’m more worried that you are already thinking of moving out! How would you feel if your prospective roommates were talking about moving out when they hadn’t even met you? It seems a defeatist attitude and surely not in the spirit of college freshman. Sure after some months when one girl may not get on within the three - it can be tough - then maybe one girl will request a move - but why should it be you?
So to finish of as a mother of an international please give them the best of you - they are a long way from home and will need all the friends/support/love of their roommates from day one. (If not before if you can start a conversation up with them before move-in, as my son has done.)
I think you are making a lot of assumptions about your roommates without even meeting them. There are a bunch of international students that went to international schools and are acclimated to U.S. type culture, but you won’t know unless you meet them. I think this can be a terrific opportunity for you to meet people from around the world and you might be thankful that you do later on. Whether you come out to them, that is your choice and you can do that if and when you feel comfortable. It sounds like a great living condition and I disagree with @twoinanddone that you should request a single as soon as possible. Roommates are great people to potentially become great friends and I think you would be really missing out if you lived in a single. Nothing so far indicates that you need a single or that it would be better than your current situation.
I say try it out first, if you are really unhappy later on then you can switch. But I think that you are overreacting a little bit about the situation, I think it could turn out quite well.
If you are out in general, I would be upfront about your sexual orientation with your roommates.
As mentioned, who knows how much “help” your roommates will need adjusting. My guess is that they may find each other’s culture stranger than yours. Just be open and friendly and helpful. Focus on being a good listener!
I am also guessing that your roommate from Zimbabwe is a native English speaker whereas your roommate from China is not. Sometimes, it can be exhausting getting through the day in a language that’s not your own, so if she is quiet sometimes, don’t assume she’s being unfriendly.
What a great opportunity you have! Stay upbeat and you may find you have great friends in all corners of the world!